Please give me advice about college

Parents Forum
1

<p>I really don't want to go. I had a terrible GPA last year (1.8) because of extreme depression and if I want to fix it, I'll have to spend most of my time studying and I wouldn't be able to move out as soon as possible. I dislike living with my parents. I'm constantly insulted (I've been told to go die a lot) and I feel so caged in. I'm not allowed to do anything and my mom is pressuring me to go to college because she never had the change the go and she tells me I'll be nothing without it. I think that kind of attitude is disgusting. </p>

<p>I want to start living life as soon as possible. I'm okay with getting a job and living off of a little. I want to explore everything (nature, etc) and people looking down on me because of a lack of college degree won't affect me. But there seems to be some fun aspects to college (clubs, being able to study what you want). I'm not sure though, I just want to get a job and save up enough money to move out as soon as I can. What do you think? Thanks for reading this.</p>

2

<p>Are you still in high school, or are you already in college and don’t want to go back for the next year?</p>

<p>If you are still in high school, a 1.8 won’t get you in anywhere but a community college, and most of those do not have residence halls.</p>

<p>Sit down with the career counselor at your high school (or the career center at your college) and talk through some options that do not include a lot of classwork. If you have a trade that you are interested in, that might be the quickest way out of your parents’ house.</p>

3

<p>If you don’t want to go to college, you should look at learning a trade, even if it means repeating a year of HS at a vocational-technical school. It’s fine not to want to go to college, and I can understand why you want to get out of your toxic environment, but don’t leave without a plan. You need a technical skill to get a decent, living wage job. If you’re going to run, run to something better, not away from the bad situation you’re in now.</p>

4

<p>Are you being treated for depression? Meaning medication, therapist? A therapist is a good idea given the lack of support you are feeling from home. If you have anyone to share an apartment, that can make it more possible to move out from home on your own.</p>

<p>Two of my kids have gone to “top” colleges, one is not going at all, though she is doing an alternative health/wellness related certificate program at community college. She works in a restaurant and does a performing art sometimes, that she is passionate about. I don’t see her ever getting a degree, but I can definitely see some possible career paths without it.</p>

<p>The kids I know who have not gone to college, who work in restaurants and so on and when possible financially, rent their own apartment (shared) seem very mature and seasoned by the time their peers graduate. I admire them very much, and have confidence that things will work out one way or the other.</p>

<p>I wonder if you have transportation, or a community college that is accessible by public transportation. Chances are, there is a program that might appeal to you. But that can also wait while you work. Every time I or a relative lands in the hospital, there is some young person- a nursing assistant, or an EKG tech.- who has been working for awhile and is planning on going to school. Some hospitals provide free training, and the Red Cross trains nursing assistants (CNA’s).</p>

<p>You could do community college general education requirements and if you do well, could go on to a state school. But really there is no hurry on this. Wait until you feel you will have some genuine interest and motivation.</p>

<p>The main thing is to get your depression under control, and from the sound of it, it may be hard to do that while living at home.</p>

5

<p>Judging from your older posts, you’re going into 10th grade, right? Do you have access to a technology/vocational high school? You may want to look into that. I just checked the vocational (?) center at my daughter’s high school and they offer programs in dental assistants, medical assistants, automotive technology (repair), collision repair, carpentry, HVAC, welding. Anyway, if you can learn such a trade, you can be pretty self-sufficient upon high school graduation and move away from home.</p>

6

<p>Thanks for all the replies!</p>

<p>“Are you still in high school, or are you already in college and don’t want to go back for the next year?”</p>

<p>I’m in high school, going into 10th grade. </p>

<p>“Are you being treated for depression? Meaning medication, therapist?”</p>

<p>Nope, not at all. I don’t think it’s likely to happen since I don’t have access to the people or money. </p>

<p>“Judging from your older posts, you’re going into 10th grade, right? Do you have access to a technology/vocational high school?”</p>

<p>Yeah, and there’s one. I can’t apply to it now though and I’ll only be going for around 2 years if I do apply. Would that be worth it?</p>

7

<p>Talk to your primary care physician about depression. They are able to prescribe for it. Don’t neglect that approach at least.</p>

8

<p>As a rising sophomore in high school, I’d be more concerned about getting your depression managed before I made a major decision about whether or not I’m going to college or vocational/trade school. You say you don’t have access to ‘people’ who can help you with your depression, but have you tried talking to one of the guidance counselors/social workers at your high school? That does not cost any money.</p>

<p>Your outlook on life/your future might be totally different once the depression is under control.</p>

9

<p>OP, I know 2 more years of high school and living in your current conditions sounds horrible. Hang in there.</p>

<p>I suggest you talk to your high school counselor about your situation at home and your depression. There might be some help available to you that will not cost you anything.</p>

<p>I suggest you also talk to your counselor about your gpa and future plans. Trade school, a 2 year technical degree could be a FANTASTIC option for you. And YES, it’s worth it! :slight_smile: Junior college/most technical schools are a great low cost option.</p>

<p>I have a 2 year technical degree, I’ve been in my industry for over 25 years, and I have at times been the sole supporter of a family of 5. It’s worth it, it’s a good thing, and it can be done. There’s no reason at all why you can’t do it!</p>

<p>I got my Associate’s on my own dime, waiting tables, with grants and scholarships. It’s much more challenging today, economically, but it can still be done…and you can do it. Chin up! Get some help first!</p>

<p>THEN you can really apply yourself, focus on your future and make it happen for yourself.</p>

10

<p>OP, I also think talking to someone - your guidance counselor, a teacher (if you have a decent relationship, the health teacher?), family doctor, anyone about your feelings and home situation. I agree that once you have help there, your outlook will look less bleak.</p>

<p>With three years left in high school, you should definitely look into the vocational/technical track; this is probably a good option for a job that will allow you to leave home immediately after high school. </p>

<p>My H joined the Coast Guard after high school and then went to college. A friend went the vocational school route (culinary arts) became a private chef for the wealthy, then at 29 entered college and went on to get her PhD. She’s now a professor at one of those elite schools frequently mentioned on CC. In other words, anything is possible with hard work and determination.</p>

<p>BTW, you’re pretty on the ball to be considering all this as an entering 10th grader. Most sophomores don’t think so far in advance.</p>

11

<p>I’m not sure about telling people, I don’t want to be treated like a broken, delicate object nor do I want people to be making decisions for me. </p>

<p>@cromette What’s your technical degree? And yeah, it seems like the most realistic choice for me. Though I’m not sure about getting help…</p>

<p>@SlackerMomMD Yeah, I agree. I could get a college degree later in life. That sounds amazing. How did she do it? Thanks!</p>

12

<p>Let me play devil’s advocate and say that college IS living life. Anything you do is living life; there’s no “holding pattern” or anything like that. You can explore everything in college, and in fact, college is just the setting that allows you to do that.</p>

<p>However, if you’re not ready you’re not ready. My brother was something like you - although he had a decent high school GPA and probably could’ve gotten into a local university if he wanted, he took a semester at community college and decided it wasn’t for him. Like you, he wanted to work for a few years first. So he went to a training program for a few months to become an electrical line worker and he works at an electric company how. He owns a car and a house in suburban Atlanta (he bought the house when he was 22, under the tax credit program) and makes as much as a new college grad, probably a little more.</p>

<p>I’m older than him. I own no house and no car. He makes more than me. And when I graduate with my PhD - if he’s a journeyman electrical line worker by then, we may be making around the same salary, as the journeymen at his job start at around $60-70K (journeymen are line workers with ~6+ years at the apprentice level). I’m proud of him!</p>

<p>And now, at 24, he’s decided to go back to college part-time. His job is paying for it.</p>

<p>You can be successful without a 4-year college degree. Two things to note, though:</p>

<ol>
<li>You will need some sort of technical training. There aren’t many low-skilled jobs for people with HS diplomas anymore, not without additional training, and most of the ones that exist don’t pay enough to live on. You may be stuck living with your parents and unable to afford the basics. So consider doing a 1-2 year training program - there are plenty (HVAC, electrical work, nursing, physical or occupational therapy assisting, vet tech, dental hygiene, medical assisting, engineering technology, aviation, plumbing, carpentry, that kind of stuff). Then you can work and go back to school full- or part-time later.</li>
</ol>

<p>The upside is that you now have a skill, so if you ever need to work part-time in school (or full-time while you go part time) you can. I always joke that I wish I had a nursing license because finding well-paying part-time work while I complete my PhD would be easier. I’m only half-joking when I say it.</p>

<ol>
<li>Not having a college degree will, over a lifetime, earn you less on average than having one. None of my cousins went to college either; they all have a variety of skilled laborer jobs (many of them are technicians for Verizon; two of my cousins are surgical processing techs at hospitals; one’s a CNA at a hospital). They all make decent money - enough to support families on. The ones who work at Verizon make a lot of money - one purchased a $400,000 house a few years ago. He makes well over $90,000 most years. That same one sat down with me and asked me a lot of questions about how to get back into school. The reason, he says, is because he has to work a LOT of overtime to make that much money - and he’s stuck. He can’t advance. Management has to have bachelor’s degrees.</li>
</ol>

<p>There are a lot of jobs where that’s not necessarily true - most plumbers probably don’t have BAs, for example, and master plumbers make a lot of money. But in some of fields I listed, in order to advance you need at least a bachelors.</p>

13

<p>There’s no set timetable for doing college these days. The majority of college students are not traditional age and aren’t living on a campus. There are also online and low residency programs, and community college is a great resource. There are other types of training as well.</p>

<p>You really really need to deal with the depression. It sounds like you don’t have health insurance. Do you know if your state yet offers a public plan? When you turn 18 you would be your own “household” in a state/federal health insurance plan, but for now, you would be on that of your parents.</p>

<p>Medication may be a necessity for you, or at least a consideration. Exercise, diet and other natural approaches can help, but clinical depression is a true physiological illness and sometimes it doesn’t get better without some medical help. It is not your fault and you cannot necessarily do anything about it. I know there is a stigma, but honestly, I have seem dramatic turnarounds very quickly when help is accessed.</p>

<p>A primary care doctor, nurse or psychiatrist can prescribe meds. Therapy can help minimize meds or help set up patterns that will also help your depression. In your case, help with family would be good.</p>

<p>Please talk with someone at school or, if you prefer more privacy, ask your parents about insurance coverage and find a therapist or MD in your plan.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

14

<p>[My</a> GS Story | General Studies](<a href=“http://gs.columbia.edu/my-gs-story#David]My”>http://gs.columbia.edu/my-gs-story#David) Drury</p>

<p>Read these if you will. Your situation isn’t the end of the world and stuff happens. Educational opportunities will always be there and within reach. Maybe not the best after high school but it won’t ruin your life. Consider that half of American couples are divorced anyway. Mine was one of them plus a nasty bankruptcy of our businesses and personal finances. All during high school and a transfer my junior year didn’t help either. I know all too well the issues you’re dealing with. My family all have doctorates and multiple graduate degrees. Talk about pressure.</p>

<p>Yeah…my grades suffered 2 semesters and I never edged it back to a 3.6 GPA + or got back my focus into honors and the AP track. My SAT and ACT scores were awful. </p>

<p>I scored considerable high on the ASVAB and enlisted in the USAF. It gave me experience, put something decent on my resume and is now paying for my entire college education plus living expenses while I study. I jumped around several colleges and changed my major a few times but so what? I’m applying into better schools now and have selected a major I want.</p>

<p>Stay at school as late as possible and focus hard on your studies as well as preparing for the SAT and ACT. Get a part time job and summer job to make some $ and gain experience. It’ll keep you out of the house and able to focus. Doing things productive that stick you in better environments is the best option.</p>

<p>It’ll build your self esteem too. Counselors can only do so much honestly. It’s up to you to be pro-active and make a difference in your life.</p>

15

<p>@sksbl88 Interesting story!</p>

16

<p>My mom wants me to do IB but I don’t know…</p>

17

<p>Hello? I want to master the field I’ll go into but I don’t know what job would cost the least amount of money. I would do culinary arts but I need to work with ingredients and I don’t eat much anyway. I could memorize recipes though and learn the science/history behind popular dishes which might help?</p>

18

<p>“My mom wants me to do IB but I don’t know” - With a 1.8 GPA, you probably won’t be eligible for IB. Since it doesn’t sound like a great fit for you, that’s OK. Talk with your GC (Guidance Counselor) about better options for you at your school.</p>