PLEASE Grade My Essay (if you dare)

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Taken from 1st practice test in Blue Book: "What motivates people to change?"</p>

<p>Please don't be afraid to read it! It shouldn't take very long.</p>

<p>When one encounters an important experience in which he is exposed to new ideas that contradict his own, he is motivated to change. Though some retain their original beliefs when put in a situation that may catalyze a change in beliefs, one is forced to look back at and question his own ideals. Many examples from classic literautre exemplify this type of change.</p>

<p>Sometimes one is forced to break away from society's views on other races and ethnicities when placed into a situation with one who he has learned to hate, thus evoking change. This is seen in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain. In this literary work, Huck is deeply affected by society's view of slaves. He is brought up to hate African-Americans and not to trust them. However, Huck is inspired to change when he forms a life-altering relationship with a runaway slave named Jim. He is motivated to change throughout his experiences with him, as he learns much about his way of life and that they are not so different after all. It is seen here that through his experience he is motivated to change because his new experience with social ideas necessitated it.</p>

<p>Just as new social situations catalyze change, so do complete changes of environment. For example, in A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway, Frederic is placed into the chaos of war, a complete change from the Italian country side. Previously he had views of grandeur of the military. However, after seeing the utter anarchy of war, with much death and destruction, he is forced to completely change his views. Frederic's traumatic experiences in World War I catalyzed a change in that the grim reality of war was a contrast to his quioxtic view of it. New environments evoke feelings of change.</p>

<p>Likewise, change also occurs when placed into a situation in which death is witnessed. In Catch-22 by Joseph Heller, Yoassarian's view of the war starts off as passive indifference. However, he soon witnesses the death of Snowden, his companion. Yossarian sees that Snowden's life was unfairly taken from him, bringing forth a change in Yossarian's attitude about the war. He decides to take an active role in preventing his death after witnessing Snowden's gruesome fate, in which he became a dead man, or how Yossarian put it, "garbage." Traumatic experiences in which death is witnessed cause people to change.</p>

<p>Experiences with new social views, new environments, and death necessitate change. Change is an adaptation where one experiences a new situation that requires new reactions. It is pragmatism at its fundamental core.</p>

<p>Obviously the grammar isn't perfect. I think my largest problem was that I experienced writer's block with word choice in my opening sentence, so I might not have conveyed everything correctly. Also, if you have read some of those books, I know the original status quos I wrote about may not be accurate, but I had to modify them to fit my thesis. This essay went all the way down to the last line, so I think it should be at least a 4 (going for a 5 or 6) What grade does my essay deserve? Any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated, especially if it is from those who got 6's/12's.</p>

2

<p>I just did that essay today! I'm pretty much exhausted so maybe I'll read it tomorrow? I used On the Road, Fahreheit 451 and Tookie Williams for examples. Random?</p>

3

<p>I would rate it:</p>

<p>6 (very good!)</p>

4

<p>I glanced over it and I can tell by the way it looks, your great examples, and the conclusion that you will get a 5 or better.</p>

<p>I love Hemingway, btw. =)</p>

5

<p>much better than my essays. 5 or more.</p>

6

<p>Your thesis needs work, but I'd give it a 5.</p>

7

<p>I say 5/6.</p>

8

<p>5... maybe 6 depending on reader's mood. great job! my only advice is this: please, please, PLEASE don't say "one" over and over. don't say it at all! Say "someone" or a "person." To me, that sounds much smoother and less awkward.</p>

<p>Nice examples, etc. I'd use 2 instead of 3 and go into a LOT of detail, but maybe that was why I always got 5s and not 6s.. meh.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the advice! Anymore would be greatly appreciated. I'd use collegeboard's automated essay grader, but that apparently can only be used with a purchase of their course, something I'm not sure if I will need, unless I will end up requiring more practice tests.</p>

<p>I think I'll try to use these three examples for every practice essay and the real thing. They're easy since I read Huck Finn this year and enjoyed it, so it stays in my mind, while I have just finished Hemingway, and I read Catch-22 twice and did my major research paper on it, so they're easy to use. Is there any advice out there for backup examples just in case of the unlikely event in which some of these may not be applicable to the question?</p>

<p>It seems as though a 5 is the average score. What can I do to take me up to a 6? I'll try to change the awkwardness of using "one" too much. How does my thesis specifically need work. I pretty much used Grammatix's format for essay writing with RR's advice on content and examples, which gave me the advice that my first sentence (thesis) should be a simple address to the topic stating my position, followed by a light contradiction immediately followed by a statement clarifying and strengthening my position in the same sentence. Any way I can strengthen my intro at all?</p>

<p>If it's not asking too much, it'd be easy to just have someone who can use the essay grader at college board to paste my essay in in order to get a concrete score that we can all learn from, since to me the best way to study for these essays is to carefully study other people's essays in order to analyze why they got the grade they deserved.</p>

<p>Thanks again for the help, keep it coming!</p>

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<p>And books aren't always the best chocie, remember.</p>

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<p>6 essays are tough... you can easily get a high 700 or an 800 with 2 5s on the essay if you do well on the multiple choice, so don't obsess over it. my friend got a 780 with a 9, which is awesome! I only got a 720 with a 10 essay. Lesson: multiple choice counts more.</p>

<p>I had at least... 8ish books in my pool of possible choices. Those three are great, but some topics don't fit with them. For instace, the november SAT had a topic that went something like, "Is flattery a good thing or does it cause us to be dishonest?" and I can't think of how you could use your three books for that topic. </p>

<p>Also, be prepared to toss in a real life example if you can't think of a book that fits for the topic. You could write a very descriptive paragraph about your """aunt sally"""" whose story happens to fit perfectly into your thesis. I'm pretty good at lying well with these things, though, and have gotten away with it. =P</p>

12

<p>i've been practicing writing essays for about 9 tets alrady, but im just stuck at my current level according to PR (scoring 9's). Can only one give me criticism for improvement, or tell me what i need to change?</p>

<p>Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power</p>

<pre><code> Although our conscience may have a powerful influence over our decisions, we are often motivated more by fame and power than by virtures and values. When people have the opportunity to obtain fame and power, there are tiems when they must be hypocritical and defy their own principles and beliefs. This is often seen in literatures such as Shakespeare's Macbet, Hawthorne's Scarlet Letter and Fitzgerald's Great Gatsby.
At times people must go against their own morals in order to achieve success. In Macbeth, the title character Macbeth meets 3 witches that prophesised Macbeth's ascension to the throne. however, there is currently a Scottish king, Duncan. In order for Macbeth, a noble and honorable man, to obtain power, he must kill king Duncan. Macbeth's conscience often hinders Macbeth, making him constantly reconsider his plan. Nevertheless, Macbeth's desire for power out weigh his conscience's pestering. Rejecting his conscience, Macbeth chooses a path of treacher that led him to his true motivator, power.
The powerful influence of fame can even influence the most righteous of men such as Reverend Dimmesdale in the Scarlet Letter. Dimmesdale, a man who is deeply religious and devoted to his papal position, commited infidelity with a married woman named Hester. Hester conceived a child and ultimately, was ridiculed for commiting adultery. Dimmesdale, out of fear of the public's reaction, would not reveal his role in the scandel. Not wanting to lose the public's opinon of him, nor his high position in the Puritan church, Dimmesdale rejected his moral and righteous conscience in order to maintain his reputation and fame.
Similar to both Dimmesdale and Macbeth, Mr. Gatsby from the The Great Gatsby would go to any length for his one true love, Daisy. Knoing Daisy's social and economic status, Gatsby knew he would never be able to successfully court Daisy. As a result, he became determined to amass a wealth as well as a high social status. Turning to bootleggin and other illegal businesses, Gatsby began making money through shady dealings and corrupt practices. Ultimately, Gatsby was able to purchase a huge mansion on Long Island during the Roaring Twenties and once again, try to court Daisy with his newly acquired wealth and status with no regard to his conscience.
People often turn to decitful and corrup practices when striving towards money, fame or power. These vices are selfish motives and often contradict with people's moral consciences. However i nthe end, we often consider our materialistic desires more prominent than some silly voice in our head.
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13

<p>Thanks again for the advice. I will get back to your essay lazybutsmart when I get a change, but I have to start studying soon.</p>

<p>I think I'm gonna create an essay grading topic where people can just post their essays.</p>

14

<p>And yeah, you're right about my examples for flattery. I guess for that topic I could probably use Catcher in the Rye (phonies), a personal story about a white lie, and maybe (a stretch) The Scarlet Letter, in which Dimmesdale is constantly flattered and venerated no matter what he does, though I would have to possibly bend the plot a little.</p>

<p>That topic seems to be a relatively difficult one, since flattery isn't exactly a recurring theme throughout books. Change obviously is and can be applied to many books, but flattery seems tough. Any other tough and constraining ones?</p>

15

<p>how many times did you use the word motivated in the first paragraph?</p>

16

<p>once, why?</p>