Please Grade My Essay- Motivation

<p>To change is to risk something, making us feel insecure. Not to change is a bigger risk, though we seldom feel that way. There is no choice but to change. People, however, cannot be motivated to change from the outside. All of our motivation comes from within.</p>

<p>Adapted from Ward Sybouts, Panning in School Administration: A handbook</p>

<p>Assignment: What motivates people to change?</p>

<p>Some change, like aging, is inevitable and out of our control. Some change, however, is a conscious choice made for a specific reason. The motivation for change is found in one's environmental circumstances- providing the push for adaptation to better place one's standing in society as seen in culture and literature.</p>

<p>Eva Peron was a bastard child, born with lesser legal rights while living in poverty. She developed a hatred of the life she lived and moved away to become a star- moving up the ranks of media and television. She even dyed her hair and later pre tendered she was younger in order to be loved for her youth and innocence. As first lady of Argentina, Eva pushed for women's rights, founding the feminine coalition party for her husband Juan Person while also expanding legal rights for children born outside of a married family due to an affair. Eva's environment angered her to become famous and an icon that allowed her to change society. It also evoked her to define herself in a new style.</p>

<p>Mitt Romney has been criticized for flip-flopping in the current Presidential race. HE "evolved" on the issues to better meet the opinions of the electorate. When running against Ted Kenned in a liberal state he supported abortion saying "I believe abortion should be safe and legal", but then became pro-life when facing a conservative slate of candidates in a nationally republican electorate for President in 2008 and 2012. His actions were similar while Governor, supporting a state health care mandate, but backing away from that support when attacked by Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, Rick Perry, and TIm Pawlenty. Romney's opinions changed to further his cause to be elected in hopes of pleasing the masses. He wanted to climb the political ladder, while also serving the public which involved flexibility over time due to a changing political landscape.</p>

<p>A great source of self-betterment for billions around the world is rooted in the Christian Bible. Jesus, in the first books of the New Testment, pleads for love and compassion, even for enemies. People must fulfill self-reflection and aim for more godly attributes to follow Jesus' teachings. All character change may not be to become a better person after learning the gosspil. Some practice Christian teachings in order to survive. For instance, many Roman officials converted after Constantine became emperor, or Christianity became declared the state religion. Both examples of self purification and adaptation to a new government had motivations derived from environmental circumstances where change was deemed morally superior and right or politically necessary.</p>

<p>Ward Sybouts is incorrect believing motivations come from within because people change to fit the society around them or to promote their self interest. Without outside factors, nobody would ever change because there would be nothing to compare oneself to. Every reason for change from politics to morals to religion is based upon the difference between the present and what is possible. </p>

<p>Thank you for your help!</p>

<p>Bumping this just for some feedback</p>

<p>I’d give it a 6. Solid examples. Did you write with the usual 25 minute time constraint? It seems a little long.</p>

<p>^6/12 or 6/6? Big difference.</p>

<p>Haha! 6/6!</p>

<p>Yes, I was able to write this in 25 minutes. The one I took the day after I did a little less and really focussed on smaller writing so I could fit it in two pages. I think I just got lucky with this prompt because I took less than 60 seconds to plan out my examples. My Mitt Romney paragraph is almost exactly what I used for one of the examples on the real essay.</p>

<p>Thank you for your feedback!</p>

<p>On sat scale this is like a 9 or 10</p>

<p>Sent from my Desire HD using CC</p>

<p>What could I do to improve?</p>

<p>If you wrote this in 25 minutes for an SAT practice test, I’d give it a 6. You have a solid thesis, solid examples with connections to the thesis, and a conclusion that reminds the grader who and what you’re proving wrong and how the essay did so. Good Job.</p>

<p>This doesn’t deserve a 9 or 10, honestly no lower than a 12. If this was written in 25 min (which you said it was) then it’s definitely 12 material.</p>