Please grade my essay!! Prompt and Essay Inside. Thanks!!

<p>Prompt: How Important is it to pay attention to history?</p>

<p>Essay</p>

<pre><code>It is often suggested that we should “tie” ourselves “into” history and try to link ourselves to our family and community through an understanding of the past. However, many people choose not to heed to this suggestion as it irritates them and they feel as if it offers them no clear advice or any positives. Yet, this advice is still commonly repeated in the National Football League (NFL). Players in this league often feel that their celebrity allows them to be free from rules, regulations, and most importantly, the law. Jeff Fisher, a staunch supporter of the law and “doing right,” is an NFL head coach. Every year he leads a symposium for first year players to warn them about the dangers that these players face. This is an invaluable lesson because he cites recent legal trouble of NFL players in order to teach these first year players not to neglect reality. I believe it is necessary to pay attention to history because it allows us to gain insight into what we should not do, learn from others’ mistakes, and also give us a warning of the repercussions and penalties that our peers and family once faced.

History is an important lesson to direct our attention to because it can often provide us with the foresight needed to change our actions so that we do not face the same penalties that our family did through its mistakes. The NFL is considered a family; a group of athletes who are blessed with god-given athletic ability to do things others can only wish to do. Often times, these players take their abilities for granted and the opportunities afforded to them and throw it away by committing crimes and errors. At this rookie symposium, Jeff Fisher warns rookies of the life that Michael Vick threw away by killing dogs and fighting them against each other until one died. He hammers in all the repercussions that Michael Vick has faced so that it resonates within the players. He tells them how Michael Vick lost his 100 million dollar contract, his endorsements, his ability to play in the NFL, and most importantly, how he is now in jail. He tells the players about Adam “Pacman” Jones and his affinity to go to strip clubs and how he threw his shot at the NFL away by shooting a lady and also being arrested six times. Lastly, he warns the players of Cedric Benson, who became too much of a liability to stay out of legal trouble that his team cut him after being arrested twice for DUI. Now a days, players are so pampered by everyone around them and given free passes all through high school and college that they feel the rules do not apply to them. These players have been given every advantage throughout life that when they get to the NFL they forget that playing football is a business and ultimately they do not follow the law or rules because they have never had to. Because Jeff Fisher reminds these players of the recent past, he is able to instill an insight into the players warning them what not to do. He hopes that players do not tarnish their opportunities just as their NFL family has. He warns them of the previous actions and the negatives that have resulted from these actions so that the players can look back and hopefully make the right decisions. This recent history serves as a reality of what the players can face just as their peers faced.

Additionally, by paying attention to our history, it allows us to learn form our mistakes and do good and benevolent acts to prevent recent history from occurring again. Carson Palmer was one of the rookies at the symposium taught by Fisher two years ago. He was so determined not to fall victim to a tarnished reputation just has his peers had fallen to. To prevent this, he began many youth charities and football camps. He knew that he had to good acts to clean up his ‘bad boy” image from college where he constantly played pranks on others. Hoping to clean his image and not be associated with his peers who later went on to commit worse acts, he committed himself to good so that he could erase all memories of his past. A constant reminder of the bad future he could face pushed him to want to better himself.
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<p>bump and thank you!</p>

<p>The essay is great,seems about 10-11 to me.A suggestion from me - when you talk about past event or history ,always use this sentance at the beginnig,or at least include it somewhere :
'‘No one cannot face the future,if he does not know his past’</p>

<p>I haven’t read it yet as I don’t have time, but I must say that the essay looks very long for something to have hand written in 25 minutes, and that can fit onto 2 pages. Did you type it up on your PC in 25 minutes, because you MUST practice writing it by hand.</p>

<p>It was good. I’d give it a 9 or 10.</p>

<p>Don’t make the middle paragraph that long–it’s much more difficult to read quickly. And maybe vary your examples? If I was grading that paper and was not a football fan, it would have bored me, and I’d have given it a 4 just to get to the next essay which hopefully would be more interesting.</p>

<p>I liked that you went thoroughly into your answer and provided the specific names and stats. You can write well and have a good vocabulary, but the content was a little too one-dimensional for me. Maybe write about two different sports to show that what you’re saying is more universal.</p>

<p>Yes I handwrote it in 25 minutes. It actually ook longer to type lolz. and yes it fits on two pages!</p>

<p>thanks for the feedback.</p>

<p>is there any chance it could be a 11/12?</p>

<p>depends on the teachers who grade it</p>

<p>do you by chance go to elite??</p>

<p>I would give it a 11, because it flows clearly and smoothly. You could have used a better example.</p>