Please grade my essay. Thanks

<p>I just started off so I'm pretty thanksful for any help I can get.
It will be great if you can point out errors and give me some tips on improving it.
so here it is( prompt is abit too long and I don't really have time typing it all up so...):
Assignment:Do you agree with the claim that the needs of the individual and the community must always be at odds? In an essay......</p>

<p>Essay:
Eventhough I have always thought that the Chinese motto:"needs of the society out weighs the needs of one, we must therefore repel the needs of one and unite as one" as nothing but unrealistic idealism. But I do believe that needs of the individual might not always be at odds with that of communities. In fact, I am convinced that if individuals and the community share the same goal, the conflict of the needs will natually corrispond with each other.</p>

<p>One of the reasons that the needs of individuals are conflicting with that of the communities is because people are getting lazier. Humans, also being animals ourselves, have the same instinct any other animal will have:to survive. They will form communities, make tools, and even ally up with other animals like dogs inorder to ensure their own well being. But once this instinct is fulfilled, humans will start to doubt the need to develop any further. They will start looking for a easier way to live with minimal contribution to the communities they are living in, hence the minimal-wegde movement by workers and laws to limit maximum working hours. All the while people were trying to make things easier for themselves, the needs of community as a whole hasn't changed: to ensure the maximum efficiency in development and growth of the community. Thus the conflict between waning individuals and ever demanding community.</p>

<p>However, why would people bundle up when facing a common stronger enemy if the formation of a community will are at odds with their own? wouldn't it be more efficient if they were by themselves? And why do people join Red Cross when there is war? Would not joining such a vast community be a foolish idea if interest always differ completely?</p>

<p>The reason could be found looking back in to the dark ages. Back then people where living in the dark, fearing predetors and deasise. So it the needs of people back then had common interest with that of a community's. Development of a community will ensure their safety and garrantee of food. The needs of the community were ensured by people that were willing to develop it. In other words: they shared a common goal.</p>

<p>Therefore, I believe it is surfice to say: the needs of an individual and that of the community are not necessarily always at odds, the odds wouldn't exist if both shared the same goal.</p>

<p>I would very much prefere if you can grade it in 2-12 scale. thank you</p>

<p>7
Horrible, horrible format. Extremely contrived. The whole paragraph of questions in the middle really killed it. The only reason I gave you up to a 7 was because of its length. You try too hard to use a unique style; it is not working out. Try to find a different format and really, don’t use random quotes in the beginning.</p>

<p>would it be better if I got rid of the questions in the middle? I realize that I tried too hard to bend it to make it look unique, it’s really actually the first time I wrote like this(after looking at some examples in barron’s) I probably should go back to my old style where I use mostly examples one after another to prove my point…
It was quite a shock when I saw your replyl. I’ll post a bit more with essays written in my old style. I might posted on another thread (if it’s necessary).
Thanks anyway!</p>