please grade my essay

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1

<p>hi, could you tell me your opinion on my essay?
i know that a lot of the stuff i say in the essay is not based entirely on truth or is completely made up but as far as i know CB does not really care about that.</p>

<p>PROMPT: Is it more important to do work that one finds fulfilling or work that pays well?</p>

<p>*Fulfilling work is superior to a well paid one. Even though nowadays individuals often choose their vocation only by the salary, this is a mistake. One cannot develop a passion for a work he loathes and therefore cannot be good at it. Three examples from history as well as my personal experience serve as evidence of veracity of this statement.</p>

<p>Fulfilling work is necessary for scientific progress. The astronomical revolution in the Renaissance was brought about by often poor scientist that found their work fulfilling. Johannes Kepler, the first person to postulate that planets follow elliptical trajectories instead of elliptical ones, as it was at that time assumed, is one of them. He spent more than 15 years in poverty, researching the reasons why planets do not behave as predicted. If he had chosen a well paid work instead, our society could still believe that planets follow circular pathways.</p>

<p>Jimmy Hendrix, one of the most important musicians of the 20th century is another example. Hendrix’s parents wanted him to become a lawyer because of the lucrative salary of a lawyer and did everything to enable him this career. Nevertheless Hendrix developed at the age of 14 a passion for music and decided to become a professional musician. He soon became one of the best and most influential guitarists in the world. If he really had become a lawyer, he surely would not have such an impact on society. </p>

<p>Just like these two figures from the past, a friend of mine would agree that a fulfilling work is more important than a well paid one. My friend worked for 6 months as an assistant in the mayor’s office. Even though he found the job very boring, he did not want to give it up because of the money. Nevertheless he later decided to quit and to found a computer company. Even though the beginnings were difficult, he persevered because he loved working with computers. Later on he became successful and his salary was much higher than he could have ever imagined as a mayor’s assistant. </p>

<p>These examples inevitably lead to the conclusion that a fulfilling work is more important than a well paid one. If one were to choose a sinecure vocation over a vocation that has a meaning, one could end up in a job that he hates and be paid even less than if he had pursued the work he wanted.*</p>

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<p>Intro: Fine, but generic. "serve as evidence of veracity" is a longwinded and burdensome way of saying "support."</p>

<p>BP 1. Good. "If he had chosen a well paid work instead, our society could still believe that planets follow circular pathways." This is weak; strengthen it. Also use a transition.</p>

<p>BP 2: I really prefer topic sentences at the beginning. "...he surely would not have such an impact on society." Talk a bit (like a sentence) about his impact on society. (He went to my high school, by the way. He actually didn't graduate.) Emphasize the fact that he found the work fulfilling, and that was what led to such great improvement. It's passion that drives people to do unbelievable things, not the drive to make money.</p>

<p>BP 3: "Later on he became successful..." How? Also, how did following passion lead to that success?</p>

<p>Conclusion: It's okay.</p>

<p>This is a 9-10.</p>

<p>I use the Collegeboard rubric. If you use that, you can grade your own essays, which is much better than having cc people grade them. CC people generally don't like to grade essays.</p>

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<p>okay could anyone tell me his opinion on another essay i wrote?</p>

<p>PROMPT: Are bad and good choices equally likely to have negative consequences?</p>

<pre><code> Bad choices and good choices are equally likely to have negative consequnces. Even though people often tend to believe that the decision making process is crucial for the outcome, the opposite is the truth, since many good decisions led to negative consequences and the other way around. Two examples, first from the novel Count of Monte Christo by the French author Alexander Dumas and second from history of penicillin development support this statement.
</code></pre>

<p>The protagonist of the novel Count of Monte Christo, Edmund Dantes, had never made a bad decisions in his life. He was a successful young man, whose keen judgement brought him the position of a captain of a ship and love the most beautiful girl in Marseilles. Nevertheless these success were envied by his opponents. They decided to frame Dantes for treason, and Edmund was sentenced for life in prison. Dantes‘ always good decisions brought him success, which later on turned into misery.
Alexander Flemming, the inventor of penicilin, found this drug only because of a bad decision he made. Flemming was just about to leave for holiday and was too indolent to clean his jars with chemicals. When he came after a week back, he found in these jars a mold which turned out to work as a cure to many diseases. Were Flemming to clean those jars with chemicals, he might not have had invented penicillin, and thus saved millions of lives.
These examples inevitably lead to the conclusion that one cannot predict in advance what consequences is his decision going to cause.</p>

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<p>I'd really appreciate the help. Thanks.</p>

<p>"A mistakenly cynical view of human behavior holds that people are primarily driven by selfish motives: the desire for wealth, for power, or for fame. Yet history gives us many examples of individuals who have sacrificed their own welfare for a cause or a principle that they regarded as more important than their own lives. Conscience-that powerful inner voice that tells us what is right and what is wrong-can be a more compelling force than money, power, or fame.</p>

<p>Assignment: Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studis, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>My response:</p>

<p>While money, fame, or power can be powerful motivators, conscience has proven to be just as, if not more powerful of a motivator.</p>

<p>Pat Tillman, U.S. army ranger who died in Iraq, is an example of an individual who valued conscience more than money, fame, or power. Tillman's original career prospects were very far from the U.S. army. He was a star football player at the University of Arizona, and an almost certain prospect for the NFL. During his college years, he was a typical frat boy in some ways, but also had an unusual patriotism and desire to serve his country. Desprite his noticeable love for country, Tillman's decision to enlist in the U.S. army nonetheless startled most that he knew. It was a noble choice indeed, as the U.S. was in the middle of Operation Iraqi Freedom in which several hundred soldiers were expected to die. Those who claim that his decision was based on a future desire to attain fame and power are quite mistaken. Football players, especially star players such as he, already have and will get tremendous amounts of money, fame, and power. He died in the mountains of Afghanistan in a highly controversial situation, some who say of friendly fire. Whatever the circumstances, Tillman will be remembered as an American war hero. He valued his conscience more than anything, even his own safety.</p>

<p>Martin Luther, who ignited the flames of the Protestant Reformation, is another example of a person who valued conscience more than money, fame, or pwoer. Luther was originally nothing more than a priest in one of the hundreds of parishes in what is present-day Germany. His newfound ideas on the Christian religion came to him after years of pain and suffering. Luther's original intent was merely to begin a debate concerning doctrines and practices that he believed were morally wrong. Instead, he sparked a revolution that would spread far beyond to political and social spheres. At the Diet of Worms, Charles V ordered Luther to recant under the pain of death and torture. Luther responded with these now apocryphal words: "I cannot recant nor apologize for what I have done, for that would be against by conscience and thus unsafe." Luther is another example of a person who valued his conscience, even under the face of death and torture that was so feared in that day.</p>

<p>Tillman and Luther are examples of people who believed that their consciences were more important than gaining wealth, power, or fame. While they are not representative of all of society, it is clearly true that for some people in some circumstances, conscience can be the most powerful voice of all.</p>

<p>Thank you!</p>