<p>Please rate my essay (Do not mind the mistakes):)
Throughout time, meanings of beauty have changed. Nowadays, beauty means to be very thin and short. </p>
<p>Women are the main source of this killer. They would do anything to have perfection in there lives. They sacrifice the vitamins they need and starve themselves. They would do anything to be on Miss. Universe and show there pretty face to brag. No, perfection should not be admired or sought after. If everyone is perfect, no one would have something special about themselves. It will be monotonous and dull. </p>
<p>Nobody is perfect Is a phrase that is always heard by elders. Most citizens between the ages of 12 and 28 face these problems. A recent study shows that three out of five American women seek beauty and one out of five men also seeks beauty. </p>
<p>Of course everyone admires perfection. If someone has perfection for a good reason it should be admired. Example, if someone is declared to have a very high I.Q. then its admired. But if someone has perfection for some other cause, it should not be admired. Example, a celebrity might have the perfect diet to keep her thin. In this cause it should not be admired.
Beauty and wisdom should not be sought after. Be happy the way you are. Also dont forget Nobody is perfect.</p>
<p>Much better than your other one. I like this one a lot actually. I think you need to develop your thesis a bit more still. But, otherwise, you did a good job with this. The only thing I'd cut out would be in the last paragraph, the part about IQ. I was confused on how it related. But, I think a more solid example about how people admire perfection such as Men admiring Video Game Characters...or plastic surgery. Just make sure the example is relevant.</p>
<p>Otherwise, good job!</p>
<p>You write well for a person of your age. Your writing shows clear thought. This example needs some more work, but it is a great first draft!</p>
<p>This essay is that should perfection be something to be admired or sought after?</p>
<p>well,
you don't answer the question. from the prompt, it seems that you must pick whether or not perfection is something to be admired OR saught after. you should have your answer very early in the essay so that is clear to the grader what your stance is. </p>
<p>i would also keep in mind that seeking beauty is only one form of perfectionism. you might want to include examples of other ways peple seek perfection.</p>
<p>if you want to say that people shouldn't seek perfection or admired then you can, you just have to make sure that ALL of your examples support your answer to the question. </p>
<p>also, how old are you? because that changes a lot of htings too.</p>
<p>good first draft, but, depending on your age/grade, i think it could use a lot of work.</p>
<p>Well, that's the beauty of qualifying. You can do both. </p>
<p>But I do agree about making that clear to the grader. It's not clear right now.</p>
<p>I am in 7th grade.</p>
<p>Thank you everone now I know my mistake.</p>