Please grade my SAT essay

<p>Prompt: Do you need other people in order to understand ourselves?</p>

<p>Humans are naturally social. Is is necessary to be interactive with others because it is only others who can see someone else's flaws. The question "Do you need other people in order to understand ourselves" is true. In other words, we can never see ourselves in the light of truth without the aid of others. The evidence throughout history and literature is pervasive.</p>

<p>Look at the first case where Robert Kenly, a doctor in St Mary hospital was about to perform a heart surgery in the 1980s. He was always an egotistical guy who felt that he could do anything himself but this time was different because did not have many precedents and therefore felt nervous. Fortunately, he overcame his arrogance and requested help from his friend Steve Lang who had performed numerous heart surgeries in the past. Steve taught Robert many new techniques that increased the percentages of a successful operation. This made Robert realize that he could not surpass any obstacles by himself and that teamwork was always the best to go. Had he not suppressed his arrogance, the surgery could have been more detrimental but luckily, it was not only successful, it shed light on Robert's naiveness and led him down a more cooperative future.</p>

<p>Take note of Richard from "Black Boy" by Richard Wright who was a young black who grew up in poverty. At the start of his life, he took up the typical life of someone in the ghetto: stealing and using violence to get by. But later, he met another young boy name Grunch who was working his way out of poverty and the suffering that came with it. This made Richard realize, "what was the meaning to meaningless suffering". Because of Grunch, it helped Richard realize that what he was doing was not right. Richard discovered that just because society was stealing from him, it does not make it right to steal back and that he should climb the social ladder through moral means. If it had not been Grunch, Richard would have still been another kid in the ghetto who did not know the meaning for his existence. </p>

<p>The last example is of Billy Reignea who went to Village highschool. Billy was a pugnacious boy who released any kind of discomfort through violence. He started fights around the town and was renowned for his cruelty. His future looked bleak because he was soon to be jailed after his many warnings. Fortunately he had a friend named Ralon who also used to be a truculent boy but changed his ways. Ralon realized that he always fought in order to divert his sadness about his abandoning father. He offered to help Billy find the root of his anger but Billy declined. Because of this, he never understood what kept frustrating him and led him to continue fighting. After the several warnings from the police, he was finally jailed. Had he sought Ralon's aid, Billy would have known the true reason for his fights but instead, he was jailed and left in oblivion about himself.</p>

<p>To reiterate, it is necessary to communicate with others to understand ourselves. Only others can see us without any self-bias. Without the help of people, we are destined to continue our independent lives ignorant about our true selves.</p>

<p>Also any comment on why you gave the score is also much appreciated</p>

<p>I spent upwards of forty minutes on one of your essays. Obviously I had the time to spend and it was a pleasure to do it…once. If you took my suggestions to heart, please tell me specifically what you did before I go into detail on this one.</p>

<p>This one does seem a little stronger and more insightful than the other one did.</p>

<p>Refer to that essay (the subject of which I’ve forgotten), and if you have questions about the essay process in general, let me know.</p>

<p>:)</p>

<p>Well in a general aspect, i feel that this time i included more of the reasons why the person did an action. I still had a lot of facts but after, described how his thoughts and way of life changed. </p>

<p>Also, i didn’t realize it took you 40 minutes last time so i would like to thank you for that. But this time i wanted more of a 2 minute read and quick score so i wasn’t really looking for thorough details of what should be changed. To be honest, the “also any comment is much appreciated” was just a more subliminal way to bump my post. :P</p>

<p>Again, thank you for the first time. It really helped me rethink my essay strategy, but i still used 2 fake examples.</p>

<p>I think this was an improvement from your previous essay. I am more confident this time to give a score. In my opinion, it’s probably around an 8-9.</p>

<p>i didn’t realize it took you 40 minutes last time so i would like to thank you for that</p>

<p>As I said, it’s my pleasure! I get carried away because I want there to be at least one sane voice to counteract the “12-in-ten-days” crowd.</p>

<p>I’ve just read this one a little more closely and it is indeed a bit stronger than the other. I see more ideas and less rote recitation of facts masquerading as “examples.”</p>

<p>There are more than a couple odd word choices here. (I think you mean something other than “truculent,” and “detrimental” is misused altogether.) No matter what anyone here says or does, the use of big words for its own sake will NOT impress the readers. Some of us find it funny; others get a little ****ed that a kid thinks he’s “gotten over” by spitting out a memorized word. Please understand—I’m not necessarily saying that you’re doing this.</p>

<p>Also, I’ll reiterate that using fake examples usually doesn’t work. They are ridiculously obvious. </p>

<p>One last thing, which I think and hope is relatively minor—the first sentence of your body paragraphs tend to be imperatives. That is, you tell the reader to do something. Openers like this generally don’t belong in academic work.</p>

<p>The answer to the main question you want answered is that this would be a four (out of six) IF you hadn’t used the made up examples.</p>