Please grade my SAT Essay??

<p>Prompt: Traditionally the term "heroism" has been applied to those who have braved physical danger to defend a cause or protect others. Byt one of the most feared dangers people face is that of disapproval by their family, peers, or community. Sometimes acting courageously requires someone to speak out at the risk of such rejection. We should consider those who do so true heroes.</p>

<p>Should heroes be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it? Plan and write an essay.</p>

<p>Success can led to consequences that are unexpected and sometimes disastrous. Be it success in one’s career, success in one’s social life or even success in one’s studies, the desire for success is an incentive that drives us single day. Yet, success can sometimes bring about catastrophic consequences once we attain it, such as arrogance and unwanted pressure. </p>

<p>Regardless of his evil and hateful set of beliefs, Hitler was a very skilled artist and speaker with large potential as a leader. He considers Germany as the superpower of the world and mostly achieved at the beginning of his invasions. Later on, his successfulness put him into pride and egocentric person. His foolishly desire to invade Poland initiated WWII and further worse situations. Even though he had achieved invading such countries at earlier times, Germany was ultimately defeated in the end of WWII and he eventually committed suicide. Due to his pride and avarice, the empire he believed would have lasted for thousand years only lasted for a few and his name remains a synonym of evil. </p>

<p>During World war II, Albert Einstein and his fellow colleagues were asked to develop the atomic bomb in order for America to win the second world war. Einstein first refused as he fears the disastrous results, however, he accepted to build one. The creation of the atomic bomb allowed the U.S and its allies to win the war, but in the end, it created new sets of problems: the cold war, casualties in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and nuclear arm races. This shows how American’s success in inventing an atomic bomb led to catastrophic consequences.</p>

<p>6/12 too short</p>

<p>Content-wise, it’s okay. You could have included some more specific examples, although the literary-historical combo strikes a good point.</p>

<p>Length and true-SAT score-wise- it doesn’t cut it. The most you can hope for is a 7-8, and that’s with sheer luck. Don’t take this as being rude; I’m simply being brutally honest and giving constructive feedback.</p>

<p>Here, I’ll take a gander at this prompt and see what I can do under 25 minutes.
I certainly wish they would let us type out our essays instead of writing them; the 25-minute limit would be much easier to preserve.
Here we go.</p>

<hr>

<p>Prompt: Traditionally the term “heroism” has been applied to those who have braved physical danger to defend a cause or protect others. Byt one of the most feared dangers people face is that of disapproval by their family, peers, or community. Sometimes acting courageously requires someone to speak out at the risk of such rejection. We should consider those who do so true heroes.</p>

<p>Should heroes be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it? Plan and write an essay.</p>

<p>Timed: 10:14-10:39 PM</p>

<p>Throughout our modern history, heroes are often praised and idolized as role models. The great leader of America, Theodore Roosevelt, once said, “A hero is one who radiates not only the courage and strength, but also success”. Heroes have acted as an important aspect of our world, actively shaping it through their commendable actions. They have firmly upheld their own beliefs and doctrines even when opposed by the majority. Thus, heroes are defined as people who advocate their own ideas, even when the odds are against them.</p>

<p>One crucial example of a hero in history is Rosa Parks. During the Civil Rights Movement, blacks, as the minority, were harshly mistreated and treated as being inferior to the white race. For this reason, on public buses throughout the nation, when a black citizen boarded, he or she was required to move to sit in the back seats, while the whites were given privilege to the front. Rosa Parks, as a firm advocate of racial equality, decided to refuse surrendering her seat to a white citizen while on a bus in Montgomery. Park’s act of singularity in 1952 initiated a movement of boycotts and refusals to give up seats by blacks throughout the nation, ultimately inspiring Martin Luther King’s speeches of freedom and the eventual legislation of racial equality passed by the United States’ Government. For this reason, Rosa Parks is deemed a hero who spoke out for her own opinion.</p>

<p>Another depiction of a hero can be observed in The Scarlet Letter, a novel by Nathaniel Hawthorne. A woman named Hester Prynne has committed adultery and is branded with the letter “A” to symbolize her incriminating acts. Prynne is shunned by her community and sinks into depression and hate. However, Prynne eventually decides to shed her inner demons of her past and embrace a new future. She decides to help members of her community through generous acts of kindness, eventually becoming a symbol of benevolence. She is no longer known as the adulterer, but rather as a giving, independent women. The “A” imbued on her skin loses its association to an unlawful act, and now stands for the word “able”, signifying Hester’s ability to help others. Hester goes against the majority view of herself and is able to forge a new, brighter future for herself. Throughout Hawthorne’s story, Hester can be considered a hero for her courageous acts and inspirational positive thinking.</p>

<p>A final resemblance of the hero remains in my personal memory of my brother. My older brother, Steve, was always a generous scholar, and throughout the years of his high school life, pursued the most rigorous courses available. However, during his junior year, he was diagnosed suddenly with terminal cancer and was presented with only a few weeks to live. Steve, as the bright and intellectual man he always was, never sunk down to the depths of depression and sadness like many others who had fallen ill to his similar condition. He applied his artistic prowess to forging beautiful paintings for our local orphanage, spearheading charity events and clothing drives for the poor, and championing a school dance and football competition to fund-raise for the Connecticut Food Bank. Despite his terminal condition, my brother sought to better the lives of many others instead of worrying about his own. In my opinion, Steve will always be a hero, the absolute manifestation of generosity, defiance, and a true role model to follow.</p>

<p>Through the examples of Rosa Parks in the Civil Rights Movement, Hester Prynne in The Scarlet Letter, and my brother with his terminal cancer, the true identity of a hero is made clear. A hero should be one who argues for what he or she truly believes in and acts in this way. The three examples preserve this notion, and accurately portray such models of utmost perseverance in their own ideas even against the general crowd. As Fitzgerald once said, “A true hero is one who does not fear the green light of the dock, the fear of disgrace and depression”.</p>

<p>So yeah, this took exactly ~24 minutes, and while it is OBVIOUS that I would not even be able to write 3/4s of that in handwriting, it is completely possible for someone to think up such an argument within 25 minutes. (The real problem is getting all that written down…would need some handwriting speed training for that xD) Also, another potential issue is that the essay above would possibly exceed the two pages, but in that case, condensing is easier than producing.</p>

<p>The above is an example of a typical SAT writing essay, which would hopefully deserve at least a 9.
I hope this gives you some idea of formatting, examples, and length.
Another thing is, the SAT graders don’t give a crap about historical accuracy or anything. As long as you place a date or attribute a quote within a realm of possibility, it’s fine. Note how I inaccurately wrote that Rosa Parks had her “convention” in 1952; as long as it wasn’t 1385 or something like that, the test graders won’t care.
Furthermore, both of the quotes in the intro and conclusion aren’t real. At all. I just made them up, and you can too!</p>