<p>sorry bout this but I'm taking the test tomorrow and would like some feedback on this essay</p>
<pre><code> SAT Practice test # 3 Essay:
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<p>Prompt: is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame or power?</p>
<p>My essay:</p>
<pre><code>Conscience is a more powerful motivation than money, fame or power. Out conscience is what we believe and nothing is a more powerful motivation than what we believe.
Martin Luther King Jr. exemplifies this truth. A civil tights activist during the 1960s, King pushed for the right of African Americans to justice and equality. King gave speeches, led marchers, and was often incarcerated because of his beliefs, his conscious. Martin Luther King believed in doing what was right, following his conscious, and would led nothing stand in the way of this. He was frequently threatened and jailed because he stood up for what he believed. For king, nothing was a more powerful motivation than his conscious.
For some time after WWIII, America was engulfed in the hysteria known as the Red Scare. The U.S government and many Americans feared that communism was an evil force that may destroy their country. Many communists were threatened with the loss of money, power and freedom because of this. Despite this threat, however, communists across America refused to bow to public opinion. Regardless of ones opinion about their political beliefs, one cannot help but commend this brave act. Even though they knew they risked jail time and loss of power and prosperity, these people chose to not deny their beliefs, their conscience, rather than compromise and be spared the ugly consequences or being a communist in America. For them, conscience was a more powerful motivation than anything else.
Our beliefs, our conscience, define who we are. People such as Martin Luther King Jr. and communists during the Red Scare: followed their conscience more than anything else. For them, money, fame and power were inconsequential. Their followed their conscience and nothing else.
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<p>What do u think? 1,2 3, 4, 5 , or 6? My habit of writing a word I dont mean to write is kinda sad. :-P</p>
<p>Except for a couple of spelling and grammatical errors, very good! </p>
<p>Score: 5</p>
<p>no offense, but in my opinion the essay could use a lot of work. it seemed you went off topic too often and repeated yourself. i did not get a general idea out of the essay.</p>
<p>Are you joking me, Programmer 1324? This essay is one of the worse! This is like a mockery of a 4th grader's essay on why Martin Luther King Jr. is special or something like that. </p>
<p>Look, these are what I found wrong: first of all, it's short. I don't know if it's because you write too slowly, but it shows the reader that you lack perspective, as if you don't have enough insight to make more arguments. </p>
<p>It's also redundant in the intro. </p>
<p>You also never kept up with your thesis. All you did was state two examples. I felt that you didn't make a clear enough connection to your thesis.</p>
<p>I don't know. I'm a terrible writer, too, and I may be "hatin'" on you, but trust me, I know what's horrible when I see it. ;)</p>
<p>Oh, by the way, I would give it a 2.</p>
<p>programmer1234, don't get this person a false score. You're only hurting him. I wouldn't give this essay more than a 2 max. Suggestions? Look at some essays in a prep book and try to copy the basic format on tomorrow's test. However, the style of writing is quite good. You definitely have the potential to score a 6 if you follow the right formula (look in any prep book).</p>
<p>P.S. you have to make a much stronger connection between your supporting examples and the thesis. Also make sure to break up you essay into paragraphs.</p>
<p>i repeated myself so I wouldn't get points docked for being off topic. is htat bad? 2 examples is fine the college board book has examples of essays that score 6 that only have 2 examples. when I typed this up on word, it divied it up into paragraphs. I just was kinda careless and didn't double check. </p>
<p>how is my format wrong?</p>
<p>Hey now if you look at the essay, the two examples indirectly relate to a conscience; the two parties involved in the examples made a "conscious" decision to do that stuff; so indirectly, the essay is definitely about "conscience," depending upon how you wish to view it. Because scorers do not have oodles of time (like us) to critique an essay (they have about 3-4 minutes PER ESSAY), they would think, yea this is a 4 or 5 and move on. It's fine. As for being too short, ALL OF THEM are short. If yours is long, good job; you can write fast. Me too, only I wrote too big on today's essay and had to squeeze my conclusion into the 1 cm tall margin at the bottom :D. </p>
<p>But anyway, I stand behind a 4. Looking back upon the essay, your two examples are too general, but if you read the criteria for a "4", he fullfilled the requirements based upon a hollistic scoring viewpoint. Overall, 8. GJ.</p>