Please grade my SAT essayyyy

Test Preparation
1

Do people achieve more by cooperation than by competition?

      Some people say that people achieve more by cooperation than by competition. Examining sports, psychology, and historical events, however, proves that this isn’t always true. Figure skating, social loafing and The Great Depression all suggest that people achieve more by competition. 

       Figure skating is one of the most competitive sports. A typical competitive figure skater spends a lot of money and devotes a lot of their precious time in the cold ice rink. Figure skaters falls numerous times a day, some even suffer from long lasting injuries to the point that they have to see the doctor regularly. Sometimes they even sacrifice their education to be home schooled to get more ice time. They all do this for a common goal- to get medals during competitions. If there were no competitions in figure skating, people would not train as hard as they were. 

      In psychology, social loafing theory states that people tend to contribute less if they were assigned to something that requires cooperation. For example, students tend to put their group projects as their last priority for homework. They tend to think that it is not their fault if the teacher failed the group assignment. In turn, students learn or achieve less by cooperation. I doubt people would spend as much time in a group assignment than in an individual assignment. 

          The Great Depression was the most severe economic downturn in 1930s happened in the U.S. Stock prices plummeted, and competition for jobs was the greatest in history. Employees get fired instantly if the employer thinks that he or she is lazy. Compared with today’s employees, employees during The Great Depression were much more diligent. If there weren’t competitions for jobs and everyone can get a decent job with minimal effort, people would definitely work as diligently. 

     People achieve more by competition. Figure skating, social loafing theory, and The Great Depression all prove that people work harder when there are certain competitions. Perhaps we are better off if our world is full of competitions.
2

@kathytheskater 6-8 maybe but I am by no standard an SAT grader. Next time, try to write transitions in between body paragraphs. Also, your last two body paragraphs are based on speculation, not hard facts/examples. You say that “I doubt” and you speculate what people’s thoughts are in the second paragraph instead of using a concrete example when something like this (putting group projects as last priority) actually happened in the past. You can absolutely use psychology, don’t get me wrong, but maybe cite some experiments instead of just the “theory.” In your third body paragraph, how were great depression workers more diligent? To answer this question provide some background knowledge…maybe you know that human productivity (a concrete equation in macroeconomics) was greater in the 1930s than now. Your last sentence of the third body is confusing and possibly contradictory to your argument. It states, “If there weren’t competitions for jobs and everyone can get a decent job with minimal effort, people would definitely work as diligently.” Your thesis states that you believe people can achieve more by competition, yet this last sentences seems to state (can’t fully tell because the sentence has a lack of parallel structure) that you believe if there WEREN’T competition, then people would work more diligently. Fix those things and I believe it would be a solid 10; but again, I am not an essay grader.