please grade my essay :$ it's URGENT

<p>Assignment: Do people achieve more success by cooperation than by competition?</p>

<p>The typical debate over the issue of whether cooperation has more effect than competition might arise from the controversial nature of the topic. Some people may see that competition is more important, but I see that cooperation can make wonders.
My readings about history and my personal experience gave me the impression that made my opinion.
History is known to guide us through our lives. Our duty is to read a lot about historical events and people to get benefit from their experiences. The first woman to win the Nobel prize. Marie Curie got the Nobel prize in Physics. Curie shared the prize with her husband and another French scientist. If each one of them had worked alone to get a personal honor, he/she wouldn't have won that prize. They took the best decision to work in one team.
Our past events must be lessons that can learn us how to beat the hard moments in our lives. A few years ago, I was working on a project for the school science fair, exerting great effort by myself. My project unfortunately didn't impress the judges and was very bad compared to those of the other students.The preceding year, I worked with my friends, and each one worked on a specific topic. Our project was very strong in all it's parts and impressed the judges. We got the first prize. If each one had worked alone, his/her project would have been very weak like what happened in the first year. This situation asserted me that cooperation is much more useful than competition.
In conclusion, the insights I have gleaned from history and personal experience confirmed me further and further that competition achieve more success than competition.</p>

<p>Several things make this is a lower-half essay. For starters, there are too many "if/“would” conditions attached to your analysis. Another problem is your use of weak adjectives (and other words that don’t belong in this kind of essay).</p>

<p>There are other problems:</p>

<p>—Sometimes your evidence isn’t the kind found in upper-half papers.
—You misuse a couple words.</p>

<p>Can you be more specific ?</p>

<p>I’d like to, but I’m not sure that I’m allowed to post links here.</p>

<p>I’ve already told you to get rid of the “if…would” statements.</p>