<p>I posted something like this a few weeks ago, but I'm faced with a bit of a new problem; I feel so regretful of how I performed in highschool/where I got into college. I was denied from my first choice, but seeing numerous people getting in/getting off the waitlist, I feel like a failure. I feel like I had the potential to accomplish so much more during my highschool years, but I didn't. </p>
<p>And now I find myself wallowing in regret, wishing I could take back all those nights spent with friends, boyfriend, or pure procrastination. I know it's entirely silly because you can't wish time back; but I do it anyway. I'm figuratively beating myself up over this, thinking that I feel like a failure. And what's worse is that I'm ignoring the college that I'm going to this fall because of all of this. I feel disconnected from it.</p>
<p>I recognize how irrational I am being. I should be happy to be going to my university, and happy for the friends that got into the other one. And transferring is indeed always an option. But how can I be more optimistic and upbeat about all of this? How can I stop regretting? </p>
<p>I know this might be a whiny or negative post, but any help would be appreciated from parents because I feel like you all are the most sensible ones on CC.</p>
<p>Let the past be past. Shut the door on it. Everyone has regrets in life, that’s part of living. Be thankful yours were in childhood. Look for a new you and a new, fresh start in the fall. Somehow there must be a blessing in disguise, although you won’t recognize until later. It may be that being on your own and being forced to make new friends will be best for your study time instead of being with people you know. You also mention a university- there are bound to be students with better abilities than you have there so you will be intellectually satisfied. </p>
<p>Never regret having had a good childhood- you did well enough to get into a university, not just a community college. No one can take away your childhood and you still have every chance of succeeding in your adult life.You have lived, not merely prepared for some future, and you can still have that future. Going to college A instead of college B is not going to make or break your future.</p>
<p>Many or most students who reach for a college will not get their first choice- the same result may have happened if you kept your nose to the grinstone and had a miserable HS existence. You’re ahead of the game- you had a good HS time AND got into a university. Years later you may discover that those who went to the other U will have wished they instead had had your life. </p>
<p>The best antidote is to live into your potential from this point forward. Throw yourself into doing all the things you wish you had accomplished in the past; doing things the right way. Use the feeling you have now as a motivator instead of wallowing in self pity. If you do it right I promise you that you won’t have the time nor the inclination to keep living in the past. Get to work kiddo. The time is now, not yesterday.</p>
<p>My D1 is a kid who found a “higher gear” when she got to college than she had exhibited in high school. I can’t say that she had the same level of remorse you seem to have about not having fulfilled her full potential in high school, though. We were discussing recently why she has worked so much harder in college. She had a job starting after her senior year of high school where she taught academic subjects to inner city kids in a program designed to get them ready for college. She told me that this program motivated her as much as it motivated the kids. It made her realize just how much opportunity she has been given in life, and helped her find the motivation to work harder in college. She has absolutely nailed her college experience. I am sure she could have transferred if she wanted to, her GPA is 3.96 and she has great recommendations; instead, she has squeezed everything she can out of the environment she is in.</p>
<p>I recall your thread from before, and I do hear a bit of a pity party in your post. No one else can decide for you that you need to be motivated and work hard in college. We can’t give you that, you need to decide for yourself. Maybe you should look for an opportunity this summer to volunteer with some kids or adults who haven’t been given all the chances in life you have.</p>
<p>Remorse has one important purpose in our lives - it helps us to change our behavior. If you truly regret what you did in high school, you need to learn from that experience and work hard to not repeat your mistakes. You can take this and turn it into a positive if you choose to. It is up to you to decide what direction your life will take from here.</p>
<p>Honestly, now is not the time to remorse. You can always transfer to almost any university you would like to if you perform well and get good grades. Keep your head up and don’t give up!</p>
<p>A dirty little secret about achievement is that it is very often a a result of people trying to prove something to themselves or to people in general. And the trigger is often an insult or a failure–some sort of trauma that sparks one’s desire to excel. When I was in high school, my desire and performance were so low that right in class my math teacher laughingly told me I’d never make it in college. That got me a little ticked off and when the dust settled years later I had 2 bachelor’s degrees and 2 master’s degrees.</p>
<p>To move forward, you have to keep the memory of this regret alive. Let it be the motivator when you have a hard decision to make - if you do in college what you did in high school you’ll have the same bitterness to live through.</p>