I’m a rising senior starting to look at colleges! I’m super excited, but my parents are not.
Don’t get me wrong, my parents are super loving and supportive. They definitely want me to go to college, but they’re scared. I’m their only child and neither of them went to college. They’ve never been into my academics except to compliment me on High Honors and such.
My parents don’t want me to move far away from home and they aren’t super involved in anything college related right now. I know ultimately that it is not their choice, but I need ideas on how to help them out during this stressful time in our lives.
We’re attending our first visit tomorrow, so I’ll let you know how that goes.
In the meantime, how can I ease their nerves about college? And how can I get my parents to be more involved?
Thanks!
Start with finances. Have them help you run the net price calculators in any school you visit. You don’t want to spend time visiting and applying to schools you can’t afford.
Remember that the school is marketing to you when you visit. They want you to see the good things, and they won’t mention the negatives. Do your research beyond what you hear on the tour, and don’t get your heart set on only one school.
This is all very exciting - congratulations! You are clearly having a lot of success in high school and are on your way to making your dreams come true.
Your description is very typical of the experience of first-gen students and their parents. I think the key is thoughtful exposure to the idea of college. For example, I recommend finding some interesting events on a local college campus, and attending them with your parents. It doesn’t really matter which ones, but try to match them to your parents’ Interests. An a cappella or orchestra performance, a sports game, a poetry reading, an evening lecture — whatever they might find interesting. Baby steps to introducing them to the wide variety of opportunities at a college or university. Share with them your excitement about everything you would get to experience and join.
Meanwhile, start looking at schools that particularly embrace first-generation college students, and especially ones that offer merit aid or say they will meet 100% of demonstrated need.
And don’t forget the option of starting at a community college, especially one with an Honors program. It can be a wonderful transition step — for both students and parents — from high school to the university level.
Hope these are helpful ideas. I’m excited for your bright future!
I was in a similar position, as neither of my parents went to college. Looking back, I think they may have felt a bit at sea, although ordinarily they were both very confident and proactive people. I wonder if it would be helpful for you to visit a number of colleges as a family, so that your parents can gather information and begin to feel confident making comparisons and forming views. As @intparent said, the schools are marketing to you when you visit, which makes you and your family the customers, at least at this stage of the process. From your perspective, I would encourage you to educate yourself thoroughly about the process and the options, using resources like the Fiske guide, this forum, your guidance counselor, etc. I remember being very offended the first time I was asked to join a “first generation” group - after all, the whole reason my grandparents came to America and my parents worked so hard was so I would have these opportunities, so how could it possibly be a disadvantage? With the passage of time, and now having gone through the process with my own son, I can be a little more objective and understand the extent to which I was kind of stumbling around in the dark.
I will just chime in that if the finances are there, don’t start at a community college. You are ready - go for it. Go away. Soak it all in. 4 years goes fast. Don’t hold yourself back because your parents want to hold on.
An issue that often gets parents very nervous is the money. A lot of them do not like discussing personal finances and do not believe in sharing the info with their kids. The FAFSA is in YOUR name, and you need a whole lot of personal family financial info to complete it. Yes, they can fill it out, but the info is out there. CSs PROFILE is even more invasive. It’s also a very direct question they have to answer,about how much they are willing and able to pay for college.
My one cousin’s son was told all along he would be going to college, not to worry and as a kid whose parents were super involved and supportive of him, he took their word. It was a huge shock to him that there was nearly no money the family could spend on college. They were behind on any retirement accounts as they had depleted earlier ones, owed to the whazoo, had bad credit and yet made too much for kid to be eligible for much financial aid He took a gap year and applied for ROTC scholarships and got one as an alternate. It was still tight for them. It was a huge for this family that colleges were not going to be offering him free rides because he was a good catch academically.
Run the Net Price calculator on your state flagship, Amherst, and any universities nearby. What results do you get?
Have you taken the SAT/ACT? if not, prepare very hard for the July or August tests, register today and work with Khan academy and books (Princeton review, up your score, Barron’s,Kaplan… . There are dozens -check out this website’s test forum for recommendations.)
What state do you live in?
What are your stats?
Ultimately, where you go to college IS their choice because parents can pay, or not. They can complete the financial aid forms, or not.
Run the net price calculator on a range of schools and get an estimate of what they may cost. You really need to know what your parents are willing/able to pay before you start applying. They may want you close to home because they don’t think they can afford to send you to a residential school.
Are you working? If your parents are worried about money it would help if you had a summer job so you can contribute to the costs. You can take the federal student loan (~$5500/year), but you really shouldn’t try to borrow more than that.
What are your stats? If you’re eligible for merit aid don’t start at a community college or you won’t be eligible for most merit awards when you transfer to a 4-year school.
Has your guidance counselor at school said anything? Our county has < 20% with a college degree so we get many first gen students. Our school runs several “college” info sessions for parents dealing with everything from finances (FAFSA, etc) to applications. It can help them if they hear from someone they feel knows what they are talking about.
Then I agree with taking them to see things offered on a college campus - let them get the feel of places.
Beware of the costs. A college education is a great thing for students who like that path, but high debt for any particular school is never a good thing.
What are your SAT/ACT scores and GPA? What state are you in? How far would you be willing to travel? This forum is terrific at making suggestions to consider when they have the details specific to you. (No very specific details like name, address, or school you’re attending! Just generic specific details.)
I was also a first generation college student. My husband found a scholarship to a school in Florida that gave him more tuition breaks IF he lived at home. Thats one way to save money. Go to visit programs in state wth your parents, and I bet they start to feel better about options.
Look for tuition breaks so Minnesota gives breaks to Wisconsin students, or the WUE exchange in the western states.
Can you commute to any college and live at home, and does that appeal to you to save money?
Figure out if you are going to get financial aid by running net price calculators with your parents. Community colleges are often less expensive way to get the first year general education requirements out of the way. States like California have good paths from Community college to a bigger four year school. Florida, all community colleges have good transfer policies to the larger state schools. If you want to say what state you are from, and what your interests are, that might help CC writers to suggest close by colleges that your parents can get comfortable with.
OP - I’ve re-read your post several times and I’m not sure what the problem is. Ninety percent of the college-bound seniors from a typical American high school will go to a public institution within easy commuting distance from home. Is that not your plan? If not, why not?.
I understand your good intentions, circuitrider, but that’s not accurate at all. In fact, the most recent statistic I could find is from the Chronicle of Higher Education and shows that just 52% of college students even choose a school within 100 miles of home, much less within easy commuting distance. OP isn’t asking to do something uncommon at all.
The average college student is in his/her mid 30s, works full or part time and goes to school part time.
^the average student in this student’s situation, ie., “traditional age”. Let’s not confuse issues for a first gen!
Also, going far away is an efficient way to get scholarship if 1° your state doesn’t provide sufficient scholarships but another state does and/or 2° if a college that meets need is far away and/or 3° if you want to benefit from a “geographical diversity boost” for attending 400+ miles away from home (which may result in bonus merit aid or greater odds of admission at a meed-need college.)
We don’t know the student’s stats, budget, home state, if the parents are willing/able to pay their EFC, or why they want OP to stay close to home. All of that matters.
What is your state of residence?
At any rate, as many have already pointed out, your family’s financial situation will be the biggest factor. So you need to have a talk with your parents about what they can and cannot afford, and run a net price calculator on colleges that interest you.
^Point is, we still don’t know what it is the OP would like to do. I hate having to peek at someone’s posting history in order to make sense of their situation, but, in this case, with only four posts, all I managed to learn is that he or she is of Asian descent. Are they a boy or a girl? That probably makes a difference. Based on the stereotype I have seen demonstrated on CC time and again, the OP should probably count herself lucky that she is in a position to take the lead in the process. I’d be happy to chime in further when there’s more information.
Thank you all for all these responses!
To answer all the questions about myself, I live in Pennsylvania, I am Asian, I am female. I got a 1300 on first and only SAT try (so I am trying very, very hard to improve that by a lot.) and I have a 3.98 GPA. I would like to study Physics or Astrophysics.
The problem is that my parents are so protective that they want me to go to community college 15 minutes down the road. I definitely do NOT want to go to community college nor to a school 15 minutes down the road. I want to see new things. I am their only child and they are having a lot of trouble letting go.
^Especially since in Pennsylvania CCs don’t lead to the flagship but to the ‘state universities’ some of which don’t even offer physics…
Not all colleges are created equal.
Get a Fiske Guide or a Princeton Review’s best colleges.
Pennsylvania is tricky because its public universities are expensive even instate an there’s very little in state grants. On the other hand, it has tons of excellent private colleges that meet need and/or offer merit: Bryn Mawr, Lafayette, Dickinson, Franklin&Marshall, Muhlenberg, Allegheny, Juniata, Susquehanna, Ursinus, Elizabethtown, Lycoming. (+/- in order of selectivity).
Run the NPC on all of these and on Penn State, Pitt, and Temple + Simmons, SUNY Geneseo, SUNY Plattsburgh, URochester (excellent for physics), Smith (one of the best colleges for women in physics in the country).
Get that SAT score way up to 1400, or try the ACT to inscreaze your chance at merit aid or admission to a highly selective college that meets full need.