<p>Essay #1: Given what you know about Boston University, what do you hope to accomplish as an undergraduate here? Please respond in an essay of no more than 500 words.
Nelson Mandela once said, Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world. By attending the pre-medical program at Boston University, I will obtain a premier education that will prepare me for a future profession as a medical doctor. Along with studying at BU, I also plan on researching and partaking in various extracurricular activities to further enhance my educational experience at Boston University. While carrying out the aforementioned plan, I also hope to enjoy all that the city of Boston has to offer.
As an undergraduate at BU, I hope to complete a rigorous and enriching pre-medical program for the purpose of becoming a physician. Using what I have learned at the university, I hope to excel on the MCAT granting me admission into a prestigious medical school. Meanwhile, at the same time I also plan on devoting my time to extracurricular activities including track and field as well as volunteering on the university campus and/or a local hospital. Track and field, a sport that I am very passionate about, will educate my body physically and keep my body in a healthy physique. While, volunteering on the campus of BU or a local hospital will allow me to donate my time to help others. In addition, I also plan on researching allowing me to further my education and contribute to the scientific community.
At the same time, I want to enjoy my time in Boston by taking advantage of what the city and its surroundings have to offer. I want to live in a place away from my suburban town of New Hyde Park where I will no longer be able to depend on my parents. Additionally, I want to enjoy the city and the campus with diverse people from all corners of the world from who I would be able to learn countless things which I would not be able to obtain simply by reading a textbook.
Since BU has an undergraduate research opportunities program, a track and field team, and is situated in a major city like Boston, it has everything look for in a university. In addition to the aforementioned qualities of Boston University, their prestigious and well known pre-medical program that it offers is an icing on the cake further enhancing my desire to attend the university.
i am looking for people to help me improve my grammar, phrasing, syntax, and choice of words
thanks ssssoooooooooooo muccccccccchhhhhhhhhh</p>
<p>I would suggest not posting your essay online. With that being said, you may want to read this essay out loud. I noticed several grammatical mistakes on just a first glance skimming of this essay, and reading it out loud will help you realize where they are.</p>
<p>could u tell me where the problems are that what i need to know b/c i know there are a lot.
please i need help on this b/c i have several other essays to do!</p>
<p>You have a looooot of transitional phrases. Not every sentence needs to begin with one! “Along with,” “While carrying out the aforementioned plan”, “Meanwhile,” “At the same time,” “While,” In addition," “Additionally,” etc etc. Some of them aren’t even really used correctly; “While, volunteering on the campus of BU or a local hospital will allow me to donate my time to help others”… I think you mean “Meanwhile” here, not “While”</p>
<p>“Since BU has an undergraduate research opportunities program, a track and field team, and is situated in a major city like Boston, it has everything look for in a university”- you’re missing a word here. It has everything that **I ** look for in a university.</p>
<p>“In addition to the aforementioned qualities of Boston University, their prestigious and well known pre-medical program that it offers is an icing on the cake further enhancing my desire to attend the university.” - “the prestigious”, not “their prestigious”. Also, “the icing on the cake” not “an icing”, but that phrase is a little cliche and overused.</p>
<p>Overall it’s decent but a little vague. You open with a strong quotation but you don’t really expand on how you want to use your education to change the world. What specifically is it about BU that you like, as opposed to every single other school with a pre-med program?z</p>
<p>I think you should try and be specific to BU. For example, if you substituted any major university’s name and any reasonable sized-city into this essay instead of BU and Boston, you could be saying these sentiments about virtually any college. My suggestion would be (1) in medicine, look up a particular discipline you would like to follow (chemistry, for example, and identify something within BU’s department and talk about it) or (2) in track and field, talk about your own specialty in the context of the sport at BU.</p>