Please read my long Stanford essay I wrote in one hour!!! (posted inside)

Colleges and Universities A-Z Stanford University
1

<p>It's so bad I want to throw up. I'm not even sure if it's a valid topic. :( Well, I did write it in an hour so what the heck. Is it even long enough? (It's 3390 characters) I need ideas for improvement. Please help me. Thanks.</p>

<p>There was nothing really spectacular about the old, dusty, hardcover book. It didn’t beckon me with its flashy colors or glossy cover. To be totally honest, I merely pulled it off the shelf as a reading assignment for my fourth grade class. Little did I know that the book would pull me into a hobby that continues to fascinate me today.</p>

<p>The title of the book was unpretentious enough: “The Aquarium Book for Boys and Girls.” After reading the first few pages, though, I knew I had to get some fish of my own. I remember begging my mom to take me to the local aquarium fish to get some fish, and when she finally relented, I was ecstatic. When I finally got to the store, I was greeted by rows and rows of lighted tanks, filled with exotic, rainbow-colored fishes. There were fish shaped like pointed javelins, others like spiny butterflies, and others like miniature whales with short elephantine trunks for mouths. Curtains of bubbles shimmered up in each tank, like effervescent bubbles in a champagne glass. Each tank burst with life and energy, and I took home a few fish of my own home that very day. Those unfortunate fish didn’t live very long, but I learned from my mistake of not dechlorinating the water first.</p>

<p>Fast-forward a few years. I have read countless aquarium books and my fish now rarely die. I feel like a budding biologist. I love setting up biotopes for my fish. A lot of research and time goes into each biotope. Biotopes consist of fish from the same region of the world, such as the Amazon River Basin or the rice-paddy swamps of Thailand. I do some research to find out which fishes live in the same area and which fishes are compatible with each other. It would be more like a natural ecosystem if predator and prey were in the same aquarium, but it isn’t so enjoyable to see a fish munch on another one in your aquarium! Aquatic plants from the same region are also added to the mix for a more realistic biotope, and I also have to find out the water parameters, such as pH, hardness, and temperature suitable for the species of fish. Other little details such as substrate and types of rocks and woods safe for the environment are also considered.</p>

<p>I have learned so much from being an aquarist. For one thing, I learned about cellular respiration, photosynthesis, pH, hardness, salinity, and the nitrogen cycle way before my biology and chemistry classes did. By observing my fish, I learn about animal behavior, even if their environment isn’t as natural as it could be. Fish can also be a stress reliever: they can lull me to sleep with their stately, graceful movements back and forth between their glass panes. My interests in aquariums is not only limited to fish. I also have keen interests in keeping aquatic plants and amphibians and reptiles, particularly frogs and turtles. Those interests, however, are a different story. </p>

<p>The world of a fish in an aquarium must be an interesting one. While some may argue that keeping pets is inhumane, I think my fish have a pretty comfortable life. They don’t have to worry whether or not they will have something to eat at the end of the day, or whether they will be eaten. They owe their lifestyles to a little, unpretentious book I pulled out of the library as a fourth-grader. The book has infected me with fish fever, and I hope to never be cured of it.</p>

2

<p>bump? bumpbumpbump</p>

3

<p>First of all, thanks for just posting here, cuz some of us are too lazy to go through the whole pm thing.</p>

<p>It's getting late so I'll give details tomorrow, but one thing you could cut out (and save characters) is explaining what biotopes and all the technical terms mean. Adcoms always say to assume they know what you're talking about, and sometimes including definitions throws off the flow..</p>

4

<p>hey thanks.</p>

<p>anyone else? :(</p>

5

<p>It's cute! The definitions didn't throw me off.</p>

6

<p>I like it, it's definately original. one thing tho, the whole fish fever/infection/disease/sickness metaphor that you close with seems extreme and a bit overly dramatic.</p>

<p>Also, I wouldn't recommend posting the entire text of your essays on a public forum.</p>

7

<p>i like it. its definitely unique and not a topic a hundred other people write about. but i completely agree with the above, that i wouldn't post it on a public forum. WAY too risky.</p>

8

<p>That's really good for being written in an hour.</p>

<p>For one thing, I learned about cellular respiration, photosynthesis, pH, hardness, salinity, and the nitrogen cycle way before my biology and chemistry classes did.</p>

<p>Good point.. but it seems too list-y/bland. Maybe a specific example?</p>

9

<p>So do you guys think I can run with this topic? Is it long enough?</p>

10

<p>Little did I know that the book would pull me into a hobby that continues to fascinate me today.</p>

<p>WAYYYYY too cliche ^^ hope that helps</p>

11

<p>Yeah lol I'll change that.</p>

12

<p>I revised it a little bit...what do you guys think of it now?</p>

<pre><code>There was nothing really spectacular about the dusty hardcover book, hidden on the shelf by a multitude of other books. It didn’t beckon me with its flashy colors or glossy cover. To be totally honest, I merely pulled it off the shelf as a reading assignment for my fourth grade class. That seemingly insignificant book would plunge me into a hobby that continues to engulf me in its waters even today.
</code></pre>

<p>The title of the book was unpretentious enough: “The Aquarium Book for Boys and Girls.” It was good-sized book with various illustrations of children having a great time pouring fish flakes into their aquariums. After reading the first few pages, I knew I had to get some fish of my own. I remember begging my mom to take me to the local aquarium fish to get some fish, and when she finally relented, I was ecstatic. When I finally got to the store, I was greeted by rows and rows of lighted tanks, filled with exotic, rainbow-colored fishes. There were fish shaped like pointed javelins, others like spiny butterflies, and others like miniature whales with short elephantine trunks for mouths. Curtains of bubbles shimmered up in each tank, like effervescent bubbles in a champagne glass. Each tank burst with life and energy, and I took home a few fish of my own home that very day. Those few unfortunate fish didn’t live very long, but I learned from my mistake of not dechlorinating the water before adding the fish.</p>

<p>Fast-forward a few years. I have read countless aquarium books and the fish I take home no longer have to fear an immature death. I feel like a budding biologist. I love setting up biotopes for my fish. Much research and time goes into each biotope. Biotopes consist of fish from the same region of the world, such as the murky Amazon River Basin or the tropical rice-paddy swamps of Thailand. I do some research to find out which fishes live in the same area and which fishes are compatible with each other. It would be more like a natural ecosystem if predator and prey were in the same aquarium, but it isn’t so enjoyable to see a fish munch on another one in your aquarium! Aquatic plants from the same region are also added to the mix for a more realistic biotope, and I also have to find out the water parameters, such as pH, hardness, and temperature suitable for the species of fish. Other little details such as substrate and types of rocks and woods safe for the environment are also considered. After I have the aquarium planned out, it is time to put it together. Pounds of gravel and water are lugged back and forth, and I spend hours arranging a natural and aesthetically pleasing environment for the fish. The job does not end with setting up the tank, however. I must monitor the water conditions and complete the nitrogen cycle in the tank. Even then an aquarium can take hours a week to maintain.</p>

<p>Being a serious aquarist has taught me more than I thought it would. I already knew about the pH scale before my chemistry teacher explained it to the class. I learned about the nitrogen cycle and water quality testing, among other things, through my readings and experience as an aquarist. By observing my fish, I learn about animal behavior, even if their environment isn’t as natural as it could be. Fish can also be a stress reliever: they can lull me to sleep with their stately, graceful movements back and forth between their glass panes. My interests in aquariums is not only limited to fish. I also have keen interests in keeping aquatic plants and amphibians and reptiles, particularly frogs and turtles. Those interests, however, are a different story. </p>

<p>The world of a fish in an aquarium must be an interesting one. While some may argue that keeping pets is inhumane, my fish have a pretty comfortable life. They don’t have to worry whether or not they will have something to eat at the end of the day, or whether they will be eaten. They owe their lifestyles to a little unpretentious book I pulled out of the library as a fourth-grader. The book has infected me with fish fever, and I hope to never be cured of it.</p>

13

<p>Its very solid for an essay written in one hour. It has a good start and end, and to me thats all that matters. One concern though, (I'm assuming this if for the discuss something someone has said/written/expressed + meaningfulness topic) is a book a viable choice as the 'something'? Or does it have to be something someone specifically expressed to you in particular? This is more of a question-concern than a pure concern, as I don't know the answer.</p>

14

<p>It's good-- it shows that you have the ability/consistency to maintain a hobby... relatively good writing as well.</p>

15

<p>Hi, is anyone willing to read and critique my three short essays? I have some conflicting feelings about them and no one else is available to review them for me. I'll PM anyone who generously agrees to criticize them.</p>

16

<p>Another revision. I hope it's not too short. I got some help cutting out unnecessary parts and added some things.</p>

<p>The title of the book was unpretentious enough: “The Aquarium Book for Boys and Girls.” After reading the first few pages, I knew I had to get some fish of my own. I remember begging my mom to take me to the local aquarium, and when she finally relented, I was ecstatic. When I finally got to the store, I was greeted by rows of lighted tanks filled with exotic, rainbow-colored fishes. There were fish shaped like pointed javelins, others like spiny butterflies, and others like miniature whales with short elephantine trunks for mouths. Curtains of bubbles shimmered up in each tank, like effervescent bubbles in a champagne glass. I took home a few fish. Unfortunately, those fish didn’t live very long.</p>

<p>Fast-forward a few years. I have read countless aquarium books and the fish I take home no longer fear an immature death. I feel like a budding biologist. I do some research to find out which fishes live in the same area and which fishes are compatible with each other. For a more realistic biotope, I add aquatic plants from the region, and I also have to find out the water parameters, such as pH, hardness, and temperature suitable for the species of fish. After the aquarium is planned out, I spend hours arranging a natural and aesthetically pleasing environment for the fish. The job does not end with setting up the tank, however. I must monitor water conditions and complete the nitrogen cycle in the tank, and even then an aquarium can take hours a week to maintain. The presence of both scientific research and endless possibilities in setting up an aquarium intrigue me. The fish, plants, filters, and substrates in an aquarium are pieces of a puzzle that can be put together in an infinite number of ways.</p>

<p>Being an aquarist has taught me more than I thought it would. I already knew about the pH scale before my chemistry teacher explained it to the class. I learned about the nitrogen cycle and water quality testing, among other things, through my readings and experience as an aquarist. </p>

<p>Even more important, however, is my new understanding and appreciation for the natural world. My passion for understanding and caring for living systems may someday translate to a future career in biology or the environmental sciences. Being an aquarist has made me aware of the degradation of our environment and the possible consequences this entails for all living things, whether fish or humans. This prompted me to join the ecology club at my school. Spending Saturdays cleaning creeks isn’t a glorious job, but I get satisfaction from knowing that I saved a few fish. Even if I don’t become a biologist, it is still important to know that even the littlest and most ordinary creatures have beauty in the way they function in the world. I look at my fish and realize that every creature has its own unique niche.</p>

<p>The seemingly insignificant book I pulled out of the library as a fourth-grader plunged me into a passion that continues to engulf me today. I’m still wet, but I don’t mind as long as I swim alongside my fish.</p>

17

<p>I will note that it is highly risky posting up your essay on open forums because some viewers aren't the most moral people you'll meet. If you don't want your essay to be stolen, or even have the change of that happening, I suggest PMing further revisions to forum members you think are trustworthy.</p>

18

<p>I hope you realize that if the adcoms at stanford find your essay to be fishy, they can search it on google and it will lead them here and they will not know if you wrote it, or some random person on CC whose essay you stole. Other than that, it is a pretty good essay and can become very good with some work.</p>

19

<p>^ i don't think admissions officers have that much spare time.</p>

20

<p>there are a few grammer errors. but it is a rough i assume, so get someone to check that over. </p>

<p>also some of ur sentences are a bit inconsistant in the wordings. such as " Those few unfortunate fish didn’t live very long, but I learned from my mistake of not dechlorinating the water before adding the fish." </p>

<h1>1.(Those few unfortunate fish didn’t live very long,) #2.( but I learned from my mistake of not dechlorinating the water before adding the fish)</h1>

<h1>1 is good, but #2 repeates itself "but I learned from my mistake" u already learned, u don't need to add mistake. Also ur changing from passive to active vioce? (not sure bout that..)</h1>

<p>Those few unfortunate fishes didn’t last very long, however, I soon learned to not dechlorinate the water prior to adding the fishes.</p>

<p>hope this helps!</p>