Please Review my SAT Essay!! Thx

<p>Thank you! Itd be great if you could score it (out of 12 or 6 i d c) and give a couple pros and cons.</p>

<p>Prompt:
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>When people are very enthusiastic—always willing and eager to meet new challenges or give undivided support to ideas or projects—they are likely to be rewarded. They often work harder and enjoy their work more than do those who are more restrained. But there are limits to how enthusiastic people should be. People should always question and doubt, since too much enthusiasm can prevent people from considering better ideas, goals, or courses of action.</p>

<p>Assignment:
Can people have too much enthusiasm? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>Although hard work is often seen as a virtue, being overzealous about many tasks can be detrimental to one’s holistic well being. We sometimes hear stories of fresh, enthusiastic investment bankers who burn out after five years in the industry. There are also accounts of economists and politicians who were entranced by the potential hat privatization held for their citizens especially in Chile and other Latin American countries. Initially, in both of these examples, the effects were beneficial. However, in the long term, over-enthusiasm may cause harm to both people and societies.
Many high schoolers dream of going to a prestigious college, earning a distinguished degree in mathematics or economics, and then launching into the lucrative investment banking field. They begin working hard in high school and remain diligent in college, motivated primarily by monetary incentives. However, this level of focus and perseverance often has negative effects; they may burn out, or later realize a truer passion in, for example, a magnanimous Not-For-Profit organization. Too much enthusiasm may cloud the imagination or limit altruistic dreaming.
In the 1970s, General Pinochet took over Chile’s government with dreams of increasing the wealth of the citizens hence lowering poverty. However, his undivided eagerness to this economic goal did not allow him to analyze the long-term social ramifications of his method. Pinochet believed that privatization of national industries would stimulate competition and result in a more affluent society. In his rush, he may have forgotten to consider that privatization might lead to billions of dollars to be extracted from Chile’s economies by large multinationals. The result of his privatization based idea was an increase in poverty; from 18% in 1965, to 29% in 1975. The dream was noble, but the level of enthusiasm and hasty execution marred the reputation of his doctrine.
Many of us hold the belief hat more diligence and harder work will always lead to a better living standard. But as the above two examples of investment bankers and General Pinochet’s ideology demonstrate, sometimes over-enthusiasm is disastrous. Stepping back and looking at the big picture can help ensure that our dreams are legitimate. If that much is clear, then any enthusiasm is just.</p>

its good

I was doing a practice paper and this prompt came up! I think you’ve written it really well, and the Chile example was adequate. Did you write this much in 25 mins though?

I would say this essay would be at least a 5, quite possibly a 6. (10-12) through my experience of writing SAT essays, I realized that the examiner only has a short period of time to mark your essay, so they will look at 1) your cogency (esp, in beginning paragraphs) 2) the length of the essay itself. I scored a 10 on my recent official SAT test thanks to the length. the material itself did not deserve the score I achieved.