please score and comment on my essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Please score and criticize the essay that i just wrote, as SAT practice. It is from the collegeBoard's official guide book.</p>

<p>Question:
“Some people believe than there is only one foolproof plan, perfect solution, or correct interpretation. But nothing is ever so simple. For better or worse, for every so-called final answer there is another way of seeing things. There is always a “however”.”
Assignment: Is there always another explanation or another point of view? Plan and write and an essay.... (Usual sat essay’s statements).
Answer:
“Whether there is a perfect explanation to everything or whether everything has multiple justifications” requires a very subtle inference: one that matches the depth as well as hopelessness of metaphysics. I conclude, after pondering for a while, that monopoly of a single answer each and every time depends on the deductions of an analyst.
I always thought as a child that there was a second life, a resurrection after death. My cultural upbringing had so strongly influenced me that this belief seemed to be an imperative reality; for as a child, I was gullible. But as I grew older and reasoning began to overpower such reasonless assumptions, I was suddenly slapped out of that fantasy. What was a reality now became subject to probability; Resurrection was still a possibility but no longer a truth. What was a perfect explanation for eight years old me became a mere possibility to a nine years old me.
Until the times of Nicolas Copernicus, throughout the dark ages, men unanimously followed the Greek hypothesis that earth was at the center and every other bodies were revolving around it. Though it had no strong logical backing, its convenience for establishing heaven and hell and uplifting mankind’s position on the God’s creation made it an undisputable truth. This perfect elucidation was agreed upon for centuries but eventually it became a subject of debate and now, it is known to be wrong. This proves that the perfect explanation to one would not be so for a more or less intelligible or educated being.
Nevertheless: there still seems to be many instances that cannot be proven to have dualistic justification. For instance, no other explanation besides gravity could be given for why we fall from a height. Why we get hurt due to an accident has a consensual reasoning involving nervous system. Why a cup of tea is sweet most of the times is simple: I added sugar to it. It would be insane to find alternative justification to explain these situations.
Some reasons have a better logical backing then others. Some seem to be absolutely explained in one way. Others depend on who is explaining. Some mutate over the fabric of space and time. I believe that one explanation might always be the real one but it would be arrogance and unwise to guarantee that your reasoning is perfect or even that a perfect reasoning is deductible.</p>

2

<p>anyone, could u please score this?</p>

3

<p>I might give it a 4 or 5? I mean, you obviously have pretty good command of language and all that. It’s just that with your myriad examples and analogies I feel a bit lost on your original stance. Simplification would work best, I think.
I don’t know how valuable my opinion is tho, since my scores have been all over the place.</p>

4

<p>Thanx. That is exactly wat i feared. Is grammar good enough?</p>

5

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<p>Step away from that thesaurus. This is way, way too many big words (some used incorrectly) and convoluted constructions. It sounds stilted and self-important.</p>

<p>Why say "Nevertheless: there still seems to be many instances that cannot be proven to have dualistic justification. " When you mean, “Nevertheless, many questions have one simple answer.”</p>

6

<p>Hi. Your essay is solid and has respectable examples, but the use of so much vocabulary is over-whelming. Keep a light hand on the advanced words and the trifling facts, and you’d be excellent. Right now, I’d give you a score of 4. :)</p>

<p>Also, would you (or anyone) be kind enough to score this essay of mine too? I feel it’s a little bland, and i need helpful reviews on it.
Here:</p>

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below:</p>

<p>In his poem ‘In Memoriam’, romantic poet Alfred Lord Tennyson expresses his views that loss is an unavoidable consequence of love. Yet, rather than shunning love because of this, Tennyson resolves to accept both the experience of love and the pain that inevitably comes with it. As he writes in his often quoted passage, “'Tis better to have loved and lost to have not loved at all.”
(Adapted from James R. Kincaid’s Tennyson’s Major Poems)</p>

<p>Assignment: Are people unwise to pursue love even when they know it’ll cause them pain?</p>

<p>Answer:
Love is a beauteous emotion. It does not matter whether you’re in love with someone or love someone; simply the feeling of pure ecstasy that love brings to a person is completely priceless. Love is an imperative emotion, and this can be seen in history through the example of the Tsar and Tsarina of Russia and in literature in the novel ‘Delirium’ by Lauren Oliver.
When the son of Alexander III, Nicholas, met Princess Alix of Hesse-Damstadt, it turned out to be love at first sight for both of them. He was astounded by her stunning beauty and nature and she by his somewhat charming shyness. However, both of them kept their feelings secret, even from each other. Nicholas knew that she was of the royal minority and it was near impossible that his parents (the Tsar and Tsarina of Russia, at that time) would approve of their love. Being cognizant of this tragic fact, he tried to bury his feelings but in vain. He tried to fall for many other women but to no avail. It hurt tremendously that he couldn’t have the girl of his dreams. Little did he know that she was in the same boat as him, trying to forget him but not succeeding. Boldly, five years after first meeting her, Nicholas stood up to his father and declared his love for Alexandra. His father, due to ill health, agreed reluctantly. He proposed to Alexandra on her brother’s wedding, and there was such joy in notifying her of his feelings. That happiness was short-lived, however. Alexandra soon realized that in order to marry him she’d have to leave her religion (she was a Protestant) and embrace his (Russian Orthodoxy). It pained her and made her miserable for she was a loyal woman, to her people and her religion. After much thought, she got married to him six months after his proposal, shortly after Nicholas’s father passed away. And he was made the Tsar of Russia.
The novel ‘Delirium’ is set in a dystopian setting where love is not seen as an emotion but as a disease. Lena Holloway, the main character of the book, falls in love 95 days prior to her cure procedure. The boy she falls in love with (Alex) is an invalid which means he hasn’t been cured. He is older and disguises himself so that authorities and the public think he has been through the procedure. Lena and Alex both reside in Poland, but Alex has been born and brought up in the Wilds on the other side of the electrocuted fence that separates Poland from the outside world. In the wilds, love is encouraged and cherished. Alex stipulates Lena to run away with him and start a life together in the Wilds. But a mere four days before the day they’ve planned to escape, they get caught by guards and Lena is held captive in her home and on perennial doses of medication. Alex manages to rescue her and they race towards the Wilds, and freedom. But before they reach the fence, the guards catch up and Alex gives himself in to distract them so that Lena can escape. The last glimpse she gets of him is from the other side of the fence, his face covered in blood.
Being away from each other for years, bearing the pain of his parent’s disappointment, giving up her culture and religion…all brought terrible pain to both Nicholas and Alexandra. But once it was over and they were together at last, they both realized it was worth it. For Lena and Alex, loss was inevitable. Even after losing him, Lena treasured every moment of the past spent with Alex, and lived the life they had drawn together. Despite the heartache, they were right to pursue love and gained from it.</p>

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<p>IMO this is too much book report/history lesson and not enough of your opinion. You haven’t explained why you think in these examples the people were “wise” to do what they did. Why do you think the feeling of love is so “priceless” that we do it despite the pain of loss? Why is Lena “right” to do this? Those are the kinds of questions you need to focus on–not the details of what happened.</p>

<p>Also, I have no idea what “imperative emotion” means.</p>

8

<p>Umm i was afraid of that.
But i have no idea how to express everything without detailing everything. If i don’t do that, i feel like the reader’s missing out on the actual stuff. Any pointers on how to avoid that?
And what score would you give my essay, exactly?</p>

<p>LOL, imperative means very important, thus love is a very important emotion of our nature. ;)</p>