PLease score my essay

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>Something flawed is far more interesting than something perfect. Perfection is a trifle dull. It is not the least of life’s ironies that this, which we all aim at, is better not quite achieved.</p>

<p>Adapted from W. Somerset Maugham, The Summing Up</p>

<p>Assignment:
Is perfection something to be admired or sought after? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Micheal Phelps, who has the most gold medals in the Olympics, once stated "the number one spot is always open." One of the two intended meanings to this statement is thatperfection is unattainable, hence no one person can procur the number one spot. The second message is that, though perfection is impossible, one can always strive towards it, and the person who is closer to perfection shall take the number spot for that time being. Perfection isn't just something to be admired at, as there is no growth with admiration, there is only admiration, followed soon by fear that such feats are impossible for someone like me. Perfection should be sought after with endless conviction. Only then will there be growth, and though perfection can't be achieved, one will be able to set the bar and give others the motivation to try.</p>

<p>Consider the athletic career of Gaby Douglas, the first african american woman to win the women's all round gymnastics at the 2014 olympics. She had been dreaming to get to the olympics, since the say she knew about the sport. She set her eyes on the gold and wanted to attain that elusive perfect score. She worked hard, seven seven hours of practice, six days a week, every week since she was 5. She did everything she could to be perfect and she got to the Olympics. She won the women's all round gold and set Olympic history. But she still wasn't able to get that perfect score. No one can practice with more passion or rigor than Gaby Douglas and the result still was not a perfect, which supports the claim that perfection is impossible. But had she sat in her living room, watching the olympics on t.v., only admiring other gymnasts trying to be perfect, she would have never received such adulation. Instead, she sought after that precluded perfection. She took every effort to be perfect, and in the end she was the close to perfection, which is why she secured her spot as number one for her time being. But that is not to say someone will not be able to beat her. The next person who seeks perfection and comes closest to it will secure the first place. There is always something to be done better. It is just a matter of how many of those things we can do better and how much better we do it.</p>

<p>Therefore, perfection can not be achieved. It is just not possible, because there is always something that can be done to enhance it. But the person who enhances it the most is usually regarded as the master of that art. Even Gaby Douglas with all her training had faults. Not because she lacked training, but because there will always be mistakes. It is up to us, on how many of these mistakes we let pass and how many we try to fix so they never occur. Admiration only creates fear and stagnation. One must seek it, to get closer to it.</p>

<p>Hey.
I think your essay is well-written, but there’s some room for improvement.
I think your examples seem to come from one single pool - sports. But in my own opinion, these kind of sports examples are not that perfect since it seems that you did not state clearly your criteria of ‘being perfect’.
Then I think you should have got an opening paragraph that state clearly your opinions, and in the ending paragraph you can elevate your ideas a little if you clarify your thoughts at the beginning.
From mechanics and dictation, this essay is really good with fluent flowing.</p>