Could someone please grade my SAT essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Essay Prompt
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>Something flawed is far more interesting than something perfect. Perfection is a trifle dull. It is not the least of life’s ironies that this, which we all aim at, is better not quite achieved.</p>

<p>Adapted from W. Somerset Maugham, The Summing Up</p>

<p>Assignment:
Is perfection something to be admired or sought after? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Your Response
To err is human.Therefore , perfection is contradictory of human nature.A straight A's student may be the topper of the class and the teachers pet , but does that necessarily mean that he will be the most successful in life?Mostly not , because he lacks the skill of thinking out of the box. </p>

<p>This essay that I write may not be perfect , but I at least hope it sheds some light on perfectionists and perfection.A perfectionist has very little scope for innovation and only follows what has been told to him.His mindset is such that he only wants to do what he knows perfectly , and to forget about what he doesn't know.If perfectionism is to be taken as a sought after value,its focus on not innovating may be have a fatal impact on the development of the human species. </p>

<p>None of the great minds of the world are not perfectionists.Though they were proficient in their respective fields,they were not perfect.With research and development in technology,errors have been found in what have been thought of as irrefutable theories which were proposed by them.Take for example the solar system.Until the 1500's , the solar system was thought to be flat , with all the other planets rotating around the earth.Copernicus disproved that theory and stated that the Earth's orbit is circular around the sun.With development in telescopes and other spatial measuring devices , we have come to the conclusion that the Earth revolves in an irregular ellipse around the sun.This shows that every theory has its own drawback , and nothing is perfect. </p>

<p>Something flawed is far more interesting than something perfect.A flawed article drives people to study it in a new light and gain more knowledge about it,and correct it until it is perfect.Perfectionism is a vice on human society,unless the society has no more scope of innovation , expansion and development.As far as we know , that state may never come because in this universe of ours,there is a huge scope for expansion.First , we can colonize the solar system entirely , then the galaxy , then the universe and then possibly move on to other parallel universes that may exist in other dimensions.Settling into a state of perfectionism condemns the human society to stagnation at its current level of technological development and colonial conquest.It would be a shame for that to occur because of the unlimited potential for innovation present in humans. </p>

<p>Perfectionism is a vice because it entails trying to become a perfect person.If everyone was perfect , there would be no distinguishing between tow or more people , and life would become a muddle of similar people and a boring daily schedule.Lack of perfectionism gives flavor to life and promotes diversity in thought and view,leading to a much more interesting society. </p>

<p>Therefore , that perfectionism should not be sought after is my view on the issue.Of course , I may not be perfect , but I hope that I am correct in this case.</p>

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<p>The e-rater gave me a 6/6 ... but then real minds are different . Also , please disregard any spelling errors - was typing from a different keyboard than what I am used to .</p>

2

<p>Don’t trust e raters. I would give this essay a 3/6. My reasoning: </p>

<p>No clear thesis in intro paragraph.
“I hope this essay” - never use first person unless it’s a personal anecdote and never mention the essay you’re writing
You only used one solid substantiated example (solar system)
You said perfect or a variation of perfect so many times it lost it’s meaning</p>

<p>Lastly I don’t think you would even fit that essay in the 2 lines they give you. It is unnecessary lengthy (should be 5 paragraphs max) and you would have to write so small it wouldn’t be legible anymore.</p>

3

<p>Thanks for the review .Will work on the points you have told me to work on.</p>

4

<p>I would agree with the 3/6</p>

<p>Most of your essay you are just repeating “perfection is unattainable/pointless” or something to that effect. Also, you only really have one example, which I’m not even sure supports your thesis all that well. The last two sentences don’t add to the essay and can be removed.</p>

<p>However, the length is good and the structure is okay. Just work on some more percise examples and avoid using “I” and you should be fine :)</p>

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<p>Sure, thanks .I will work on the advise and write the essay again and see how you guys tell me it is.</p>

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<p>What about this essay that I wrote on the same propmt ? </p>

<p>During my middle school exams , I rarely spent an hour without my books.I used to read every topic four to five times over and still not feel prepared.I used to want to do things perfectly,to be the textbook student who solved every sum providing explicit steps and leaving nothing to chance.Of course , I got high grades for my efforts , but that is another story.But then I saw other who spent less time studying but still got high marks like I did.That got me wondering.Is perfectionism really necessary?Is it a good attribute or not? </p>

<p>There goes a saying , “To err is human”. Would that not mean that perfectionism is not meant to be complimentary to human nature?We differentiate ourselves based on our unique traits like appearance , scholastic aptitude and physical activity , to name a few.If we are all perfect , would we not lose all our differentiating traits?Life would then become muddled and confusing with people being perfect clones of perfect students, the ones who get into MIT or Princeton and spend all their time by a textbook . </p>

<p>Consider the play Julius Caesar , written by Shakespeare.The play sheds light on the flaws exhibited by Caesar in the first few acts , namely his pride and vanity.The plot then goes on with Caesar being murdered by conspirators and Mark Antony plotting revenge.In this section of the play , Shakespeare keeps the focus on the imperfection of Brutus and the other conspirators , which leads to their breaking up and ultimately losing the war fought against Antony.The play would not have been nearly as interesting if the characters were all perfect.</p>

<p>Albert Einstein was a brilliant scientist.Though some might say he was perfect , overwhelming evidence to the contrary makes itself available to us.He was a high school drop out and his energy mass equivalence theorem is not valid as shown by scientists of the modern world.Yet there is not one among us who would say that Einstein was not a genius.We do not need to be perfect to be successful. </p>

<p>Perfectionism is a vice and there is no doubt about it.Sure,there might be a few successful perfectionists but most of them are just your average run-of-the-mill engineer or doctor with nothing distinguishing.It would be better to preserve individuality rather than strive to be perfect.</p>

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<p>I kept it at this length because I was able to fit it into 2 pages with perfectly legible print(handwriting).</p>

7

<p>I realize that the essay is not marked for accuracy, but I don’t believe that Albert Einstein dropped out of high school. He completed a university undergraduate degree in physics. Also, I am not aware of evidence that Einstein’s energy-mass equivalence relation has been overturned.</p>

<p>Your second essay seems significantly better to me than your first. A few things that you might work on:
Use of prepositions. The choice should be “scope for innovation” rather than “scope of innovation.” “Scope of” is correct in some contexts, such as the “scope of this course,” but in other contexts, it is not right. It is not idiomatic American English to say “spend all their time by a textbook.” The better choice would be “with a text book.” Also, in most places, when one says “during middle school exams,” this would be interpreted to mean “while taking middle school exams.” I doubt that you had your books with you during the exams themselves. You mean “during exam week,” or something similar.</p>

<p>When you say that “a flawed article drives people to . . . correct it until is is perfect,” you seem to be under-cutting your own argument. You seem to be arguing in favor of a drive toward perfection.</p>

<p>You have some interesting ideas in both essays. I like the thought that perfectionism tends to reduce individual differences. I also like the thought that perfectionism leads to stagnation, but I think that you need more evidence for that, rather than a simple assertion.</p>

<p>The argument about the Copernican theory is interesting, but it needs a bit more development. Are the circles of the Ptolemaic model really more perfect than an ellipse? Is an ellipse actually irregular? (The graders are unlikely to ask the latter question.) Since the purpose of the Copernican theory is to improve the agreement between our view of the solar system and reality, is that not consistent with a drive toward perfection?</p>

<p>A few other things to watch out for:

  1. The dread comma splice. (You have used at least one. Look this up if you do not know what it is.)
  2. Editing: You wrote: “None of the great minds of the world are not perfectionists.” This means that the great minds actually are perfectionists. A Freudian slip? Is your tendency toward perfectionism showing through?</p>
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<p>it doesn’t matter whether einstein dropped out of high school or not. what you write does not have to be true, it merely has to support your thesis. this essay is quite bad, and i would rate it a 3 still. and i was an essay reader before i went back to admissions work, so i have read and scored thousands, and no, i won’t detail any. but this is not good. if you look at the rubric in the blue book, that is quite accurate as to how we score the essays…really.</p>

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<p>@QuantMech … Thanks for pointing out the errors.With regards to Einstein , he dropped out of his Munich high school and joined college , because of his exceptional math skills.His energy mass equivalence theorem is in contradiction of law of conservation of mass and there are a few other errors as well , which I dont know of.
Thanks for pointing out the other grammatical errors and those in the sentence structure.I will work to correct myself . Oh yeah , and the orbit of earth is an irregular ellipse(not a perfect textbook ellipse).But yeah , the copernican argumetn was not too good.</p>

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<p>@Lisakay … was the first or the second a 3/6 ? Or were both of them 3/6?And I will take your advise and have a look at the rubric.</p>

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<p>ptsunami2911: Einstein’s story is a little more complicated than that. Of course, facts are irrelevant when it comes to the SAT writing section, but otherwise, the facts often do matter. Apparently, Einstein’s family moved from Munich to Italy when his father’s business failed. Einstein stayed behind, with the plan that he would complete his studies at the Gymnasium in Munich (the level of schooling that prepares one for the universities). He did leave Munich without completing high school, in order to join his family. However, he wound up enrolling in a school in Switzerland, and he completed the Swiss Matura, which is the high-school exit exam. Then he enrolled in ETH Zurich, which (according to Wikipedia) is “consistently ranked among the top universities in the world.” This is certainly true in my field.</p>

<p>It is interesting to think about the motives behind the stories that Einstein failed mathematics in school–or the stories that he dropped out, which while true on a technicality don’t exactly represent the situation accurately.</p>

<p>With regard to the other factual issues, mass is not conserved by itself. It is only mass-energy that is conserved.</p>

<p>“Irregular ellipse” is perhaps ok, but I think that an “orbit distorted from an ellipse by the gravitational forces of the planets, moons, and other masses in the solar system, aside from the sun” would probably be the best short description.</p>

<p>I only mention these things because I think that you show some scientific leanings, and I think it would be useful for you to have a more complete picture–although, as pointed out several times, it does not matter for the writing section.</p>

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<p>I did know about Einstein’s story and it is way more complicated than what I mentioned but it does not serve my essay purpose; he had an appointment with a doctor who gave him a certificate that said that he was undergoing a lot of mental stress in Munich and so he went home with a letter from his math teacher certifying his math genius.He used that certificate to gain admission in some Aaru school( any corrections?) … after which he joined ETH Zurich. But … he did drop out of high school which serves my purposes …</p>

<p>With regards to the ellipse … yeah , I guess your description is way better than mine … it did not strike me while writing the essay ( time constraints and all that) …but anyways , thanks for that.
About that mass energy equivalence … I did not know that point and so thank you for mentioning it
[The</a> Mass Energy Equivalence Deception](<a href=“http://www.epola.co.uk/epola_org/mass.htm]The”>The Mass Energy Equivalence Deception) - Mass energy deception
And thanks for saying that I show scientific leanings ( been hoping for confirmation of that myself).</p>