Pls grade my essay.. I'm an prospective int. student

<p>I'm international, thus english isn't my first lunguage.. so do not take seriously my grammar mistakes.. thanks in advance.. </p>

<p>The prompt: Should openly gay people be allowed to serve in the military?</p>

<pre><code> “Don’t ask, don’t tell” is official U.S. policy on homosexuals serving in the military. The policy was introduced as a compromise measure in 1993 by President Bill Clinton. "Don’t Ask" means that the military officers or officials mustn’t ask you about your sexual orientation. “Don’t tell” states that soldier shouldn’t reveal their sexual orientation to anyone, otherwise they will be discharged. Since 1993, 12500 people were discharged. Currently, this policy is repealed by Barak Obama. But discussions are still going on. So, should openly gay people be allowed to serve in the military? In my point of view, U.S. should keep policy, allowing gay people to serve in the military if only they will pass a special exam.

The United States is the free country, therefore equal rights for all people. It means that everyone could serve in the military, despite of race, nationality, sex orientation. However, most of the military soldiers don’t want to have a gay friend during their serving time. Why? They believe that gay people are probably weak, unable to fight, and dangerous to live with. Internal emotions and antagonism win over the rule of the equality of people. Moreover, they start to discriminate them, what is also might be dangerous for gay people. That’s why, American government created DADT policy, to preserve gay rights in the military. And this policy have to keep working, because sex orientation shouldn’t be obstacle to people who really loves their home country and wants to defend the honour of it.

The stereotypes about gay people always exist. Obviously, being gay doesn’t make a human being less strong, or with worse reflexes, or unable to fire a gun. For instance, Eric Alva a gay soldier was a first U.S. Marine seriously injured in the Iraq war. President Bush awarded him the Purple Heart. After being injured he reveals everybody his sexual orientation. Additionally, Trooper James Wharton, UK gay soldier, who served in Iraq, has been made cover star of the July 2009 edition of Soldier magazine. Do you need any other proof that gay soldiers are not anomaly and that they could fight bravely for the honour of their country?

Discharging gay soldiers force military to replace them by another soldiers, which cause a huge financial loss. As a result, since 1994 U.S. government lost 363 million dollars. Don’t you think that this money could be used for a good purpose, like helping homeless people or building schools? In my point of view, U.S. government should force every perspective gay soldier to take an examination, besides DADT policy. The main goal of this examination is to show the gay soldier’s ability to hide his sex orientation. The examination will include physiological, physical and intellectual tests. The examiners will create the real life situations, to see whether gay soldier will give up hiding or not. If the gay soldier’s motivation to serve in the military is strong enough, he will easily pass the examination. This kind of will be beneficial for everyone. The government will have less financial losses, and the military will have good soldiers.

In conclusion, I think serving in the military is a good opportunity for gay people to prove their importance in the world, and also break stereotypes. But nowadays it is very dangerous to be openly gay soldier. I think that they should hide their sex orientation during their serving period, and maybe reveal it after. By hard-working, medals, honours they will prove their necessity to themselves, and after the military years to everybody. DADT policy will only help them. Additionally, examination, will avoid financial losses and unnecessary discharges.
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<p>4 or 5. Where did this prompt come from? I’ve never heard of a question even remotely like this on the SAT I.
If you are applying to a US college they aren’t going to care that English isn’t your first language. You are going to need to be as good in English as someone who it’s their first language, so your grammar will be taken seriously.
I know you said not to consider it but it is the most important part of your essay, but the grammar was really bad. It was excellent for someone not proficient in English, but proficiency is a must if you want to study in the US.
You didn’t support your thesis with examples. You explained what DADT is and why you think it exists (gay stereotypes isn’t the reason btw), you said gays have equal rights (currently there are only true equal rights to men of all races, no equal rights for woman <em>woman can’t get drafted</em> or sexual orientation at the moment), and one of the points on your thesis was an exam. It wasn’t mentioned until the very last sentence. I as a reader am left wondering what sort of exam it will be.
You used far too many rhetorical questions
Avoid 1st person when possible (here 1st person is not necessary unless you are going to give a personal example)</p>

<p>With all that being said this doesn’t seem like an SAT prompt. They are usually very broad and give you a lot of room for examples. This seems more like an essay for a class.</p>

<p>Way too specific and forces you to decide on a very controversial topic. Post up an essay regarding an actual SAT prompt.</p>

<p>Bandgeek1 hits the nail on the head with his analysis of this essay though.</p>