pls grade my essay out of 6

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Most people think that contentment—being happy with the way things are—is the perfect state of affairs. After all, what could be better than being so satisfied with how things are that you don't want anything else? But contentment has disadvantages: if we are content with the way things are, we are not motivated to change things, to improve ourselves, or to do better. We must therefore always choose between being content and pushing ourselves to do better.</p>

<p>Assignment: Does being content with the way things are prevent people from improving themselves and doing better? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>It is true that being content with the way things are prevents people from improving themselves and doing better. One develops a lackadaisical attitude to life when they are perfectly content because it hinders their ability to maximize their potential. Several examples from life and history support this truth.</p>

<p>The first case where contentment prevents people from improving themselves is seen through the story of Nick Hardman, an outstanding associate at one of the most notable law firms in New York, Grayson Greenman. Nick was a very unique lawyer, one of the best in the firm. He had a steady income which was enough to ensure that he, together with his wife and family, was able to live a comfortable life. In short, he had a good life, a wife he loved, two beautiful children, a wonderful job and and even better home. He was content with his life and did not want to change anything about it. Although he had the potential, he never thought about working hard enough to become a junior partner in the firm not to talk of a managing partner. He was not motivated to improve himself and strive for higher achievements so he remained stagnant. It was later on in life that he realised his mistake but it was already to late for him.</p>

<p>The next case that supports this truth is seen through the story of Helen Keller. She was born blind and deaf yet she decided to beat the odds and achieve her dreams. Naturally, people believe that someone born with these types of disabilities will not be able to achieve much in life but she proved everyone wrong. She refused to be content with her situation which was why she developed a studious attitude towards learning how to read and speak. After many years of learning from her mentor, Anne Frank, she got accepted into a university and came out with a bachelors degree. She did not stop there. She dedicated her life helping those with disabilities like hers. She has shown that being content prevents people from improving.</p>

<p>To reiterate, contentment can hinder a person's ability to improve. It is always better to strive for greater heights than to remain stagnant.</p>

<p>**Pls also tell me my mistakes.</p>

2

<p>You tell me that this fake person, “Nick Hardman,” had a “good life” yet he regretted not having strived for more?</p>

<p>The Helen Keller word biography/word block does little but contradict your answer to the question.</p>

3

<p>I agree with Jeremy that your 2nd example does not support your thesis. That could be a major problem.</p>

4

<p>" After many years of learning from her mentor, Anne Frank,…"</p>

<p>Lol- If they then got an apartment with Harlem with Frederick Douglas after defeating Adolph Hitler we would have hit all the SAT Essay chestnuts. </p>

<p>Nick Hardman, Esq is a strange story- how do you even know of this unremarkable person? You probably should have established that since he is by definition so under the radar. And the horrible fate that awaited him is that his children grew up happy, he had a pretty wife and he was home at 6pm every evening. This tale is missing its Rosebud moment. </p>

<p>Helen Keller is a better example, although you could have focused on her teacher Annie Sullivan (not Frank). Keller was expected by her doctors and father to do nothing, to be capable of nothing, and to have to be cared for all of her life. Sullivan was hired just to care for Keller and could have been content just drawing her salary. Instead she taught her to talk, and write and read. Keller in fact became a well known inspiration speaker (although a Socialist, so you cant have everything). Her story directly impacted the lives and conditions of hundreds of thousands of disabled people. If you tell the story that way you have demonstrated the importance of not being content. </p>

<p>Your conclusion added nothing. “To reiterate”? Not good. When in doubt use something like “As we have seen…”</p>

<p>I’d say this is currently a 3, but you have the potential to get to a 5 with a reasonable amount of work. Eschew making up examples and concentrate on getting down the details of examples you already know. Try writing the essay twice- taking the opposite position on the prompt. It will help you understand when your examples are really advancing your thesis and when they are just functioning as limp biographical sketches vaguely on the suggest topic.</p>

5

<p>

</p>

<p>LOL is right, although what’s not quite so funny is that what you facetiously suggest is basically what too many kids are trying to do.</p>

6

<p>Argagby lol…i couldnt remember her mentors full name. I was even lucky enough to remember the ‘anne’. I’ve tried reading about a lot of people that i could use as examples but my main problem is memorizing the details about the stories. I have read the helen keller story alot of times yet when i was writing i couldnt recall her mentors name, the name of the university she graduated and the degree she got.</p>

7

<p>It can happen, but you didnt know who Anne Frank was?</p>

8

<p>I did but i was kind of rushing cuz time was almost up and it was the first name to come to my head and i wasnt thinking about it and i didnt have time again to proof read. I’m still working on how to manage my time.</p>