<p>"My parents think that I am destined to be a carnie"</p>
<p>another one:</p>
<p>"I never thought that at one point in my 17 years of existence my greatest fear would be the alarm that signaled the waves were about to start"</p>
<p>"After the alien abduction, Ted became weird--so weird that even the frontal lobotomy couldn't stop his ritualistic self-canabalism--a practice brought on by his intense sexual attraction to microscopic orgsnisms."</p>
<p>Here's the intro of an draft I wrote. Won't be using this essay so feel free to steal haha.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Lying outstretched in the backseat of the rental van, my mind loosened the last strands of stress from the previous school year. Lured by my aunt’s promise of an unforgettable vacation, I decided to accompany her on her trip to Vietnam. My expectation of a silent spot on the beach with a constant supply of coconut juice was shattered when my aunt unveiled her plans as we landed in Vietnam. We were not going to enjoy our week basking under the tropical sun. Instead, my aunt was taking me to a village that was home to people who many deemed as vermin – the leper colony.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>AlexE -- LOL!</p>
<p>Besides the clam fart thread (which I think everyone lol'd at), I think this is the first time I have LOL'd on a forum.</p>
<p>"To me, music was meant to be something sublime and transcendent, a profound reminder of life's mystery and spirituality, a vessel to a higher world, and the conduit for the human soul's beauty.
Bela Bart</p>
<p>"I used my tougue to lick clean the last chunk of my poop from my upper lip while sitting the toilet to produce more"</p>
<p>I feel like posting my intros.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I was almost hit by a pencil sharpener. A few pens, rulers, and a stapler came flying afterwards. I glanced around, and then continued reading about the properties of exponents. But whatever focus I had was lost due to their loud discussion of the latest HALO video game, sprinkled with a few colorful words here and there. When I looked up again, I had to duck. My classmates, standing at opposite ends of the room with sinister laughs, began throwing school supplies at one another. The teacher, with his thick Vietnamese accent, shifted his exhausted attention from the contest to the boy who was writing something obscene on the board. Finally, the bell served its dual purpose, ending the class period as well as the chaos. That was a typical day in my Algebra I class.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>
[quote]
One by one, our dishes came: tender barbecue pork marinated in spicy sauce, grilled salmon in teriyaki sauce, fried beef and egg over rice, followed by colorful little side dishes. Everyone, their chopsticks colliding, eagerly reached for the meatiest pork rib, the juiciest sliver of beef. The feast had begun. I ate my tofu and pickled cabbage quietly. Remind me next time not to suggest a Korean BBQ restaurant.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>"Hello! My name is ***, and I am a very unique person! I recently evolved in the following areas that I believe are of principal interest to you and your honorable college:"</p>
<p>At least once in my life I have killed my mom, my dad, my brother, my grandparents, my friends, my teachers, and much more..........</p>
<p>Figuratively.</p>
<p>I dimmed the lights and sat in my favorite chair in front of the computer. It was time to experience life at its fullest and thanks to Google search the process was made easy. </p>
<p>Feel free to imagine the rest. </p>
<p>HARVARD here i cum..............no pun intended</p>
<p>"The Statue of Liberty looks seasick."</p>
<p>This thread is awesome, it shall not die BUMP</p>
<p>Life can be like a bowl of buttery chicken noodle soup.</p>
<p>and</p>
<p>I have no middle name.</p>
<p>“Helo my name fwong i am try aply to youre school and i am good student. i like to learn and study and join clubs . i am a funy and nice person and kind.”</p>
<p>No maam the Ferrero Rocher is gone. Yes, I checked the back. Im sorry but its gone. </p>
<p>about my summer job 
thoughts?</p>
<p>love that last one</p>
<p>“Thomas Jefferson killed my hamster.”</p>
<p>“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times …”</p>
<p>“In the fall of 2004, I made a decision that has brought me much hardship in the years that have followed: I decided to become a fan of the Charlotte Bobcats, the new expansion franchise of the National Basketball Association.”</p>
<p>:D</p>
<p>Sniffling, sneezing, snorting. Sorry.
Singular, sinus sprays, surgery. Still sick.</p>