Hi I am writing this in the parent section because I need advice from people who have gone through this before. I am so nervous for college and last night we were assigned roommates. The roommate I requested and me were separated (which I knew was coming - long story), so I have a random roommate. She seems very very different than me, so that is not a built in friend. I am just so scared for the social element and being so far away from home. How do I calm my anxiety? Every day it gets worse!
Try going to the college life section and read some of the great lists by @bopper. Also try to keep reframing your thinking to the positive. Self-talk is a powerful tool for counteracting anxiety. Remember that some nerves are normal and expected. Talk to your parents too.
We know lots of kids who found the first year difficult socially. Without exception, the succeeding years were a lot better. The best way to go in is with low expectations. Don’t expect to be buddies with your roommate, that is just a bonus. If the person is not a total slob and respects your sleep time count yourself lucky (try connecting with them on social media to get to know each other. Sometimes it can be as simple as coordinating room furnishings (fridge, microwave, carpet etc to get started) Get involved in some activities (that you like) to meet people. If your dorm is well organized there will be many social events, try to attend some of them. Many freshman join Greek life, which will give you a built in social group and if your college as sororities, a place to stay for the next year (or more) .
Go to the gym, run, or participate in some sports to reduce your anxiety. It’s pretty normal to feel disconnected for the first semester or two as you adjust to a new environment. Everyone adjusts at a different speed.
Freshman week often includes an orientation session on how to get along with your new roommate. Even if your circle of besties doesn’t include your roommate, you can still get along well if you keep communicating and problem solving together.
Some tips about college transition here
https://m.youtube.com/watch?list=PL9YtHFCxiaDLKbuhB3UNjvGj48qSLrdgk&v=GI4riIeoS7M
You do not need to have your roommate be your friend. You need to get along is all. You will meet others in the hallway, dining, classes, freshmen activities. There will be orientation about how to get along.
It is very common for roommates to change before school starts. So don’t take that personally.
Also, like @TooOld4School said, start with the expectation that a roommate is just that, a roommate. If they become a good friend, then great!
Also know that most students are very nervous about starting college…you have a new place to live, new school, new teachers, new food, new activities! Also keep in mind that colleges are aware of that and that is why they have orientation…to assist you in learning about the school and making new friends and finding out about activities.
If you are a typical nervous freshman…you will be fine! But if you have other anxiety issues, then make sure to talk to the Counseling Center at college or even talk to your doctor now.
Here are my hints on how to make friends at college:
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During Orientation, go to as many activities as you can. Ask people in your hall way if they are going. Introduce yourself…they are looking for friends too. “Hey, I am Pat…what are you majoring in?”
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Go to the Activities Fair and sign up for a bunch of clubs that are of interest. They may not all pan out, but don’t eliminate anything yet. If you are into music/D&D/running/church/whatever, you can find other people who are interested too. Service clubs are great because you spend time working together.
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Talk to the people on your floor…Get some cookies and offer them “Hey I have cookies, anyone want some?” and then strike up a conversation about where they are from, what they are majoring in, etc. People like to talk about themselves…let them. Don’t make it too long…move on to others.
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At dinner time, ask your roommate/people on your hall if they are going to dining hall. Go with them. See if people in your dorm generally sit in the same area… Join them.
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Go to any dorm activities your RA has set up. If you are still having issues, talk to your RA. See if they have ideas. If not suggest that they have one. Maybe a movie and pizza?
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Join your dorm’s intramural (or any intramural) team.
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Talk to others in your classes…exchange numbers so that if either of you miss you can exchange notes… Ask what someone got on a homework question (that you did too)…once you get to know them, ask if they want to form a study group.
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If this isn’t working, go to the Counseling Center…they are ready to help freshman this time of year. Don’t think you are a loser because you have to go…this is something you pay for! Get the benefit! You may need to learn some new social skills. They may also have group talks on Homesickness or fitting in.
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Go to ongoing campus activities…concerts/movies/lectures/parties. Invite someone/group of people or just sign up and meet people for activities that might be off campus.
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See if your dorm/floor has a GroupMe Group set up…otherwise suggest to someone who is extraverted that it might be a good idea. Then people can send a group text that they are showing a movie in the lounge or are baking cupcakes in the kitchen.
You may notice that all of these things take some action…they are not passive. You have to take initiative. But the risk is small…if someone says no, then just say “Maybe another time”.
^^This. And don’t expect to make best friends the first week. Give yourself time and set realistic expectations. The first being to get a good start on academics. Go to all the freshman activities and keep an open mind. Don’t be too quick to judge your roommate. What you will find is that the main thing that makes a good non-best friend roommate is respect for one another and ability to be flexible. If you’ve never had to room with sibling or friend at camp you may think you have to fit perfectly but you will get use to going to sleep when other person is up or sleeping through their hair dryer etc. Give it time! Open mind! Lots of other freshman will be there looking for a friend as well. Good luck.
Remember that there will be lots of freshmen in the same position. Everyone will be trying to find their tribe. Lots of good advice here but I will add this: if there is something you like to do that can involve a group – bananagrams, cards, crimes against humanity, etc – take it with you and invite others to join you in the lounge to play. It is much less awkward to get to know others if there in an activity to spark conversation. Good luck!
Make popcorn … and leave your door open so that the delicious aroma floats down the hall. Also, have your TV on a popular movie or show. It invites folks to come and hang out awhile.
Actually, leave your door open anytime you are in your room and not studying. People will always pop in.
I was put with a random roommate as a freshman…and we were roommates for all four years. We weren’t best friends but we were compatible and respectful of each other’s space and privacy (an important quality to cultivate, btw). We parted ways at graduation and I haven’t heard from him since (over 30 years). If I had to do it again, and had a choice, knowing what I know now, I’d pick him for a roommate every time.
Great posts above and boppers’s especially. The one note of caution I would give is be patient. Some kids I know were still homesick in November but very happy by March. It takes time to adjust. Be kind to yourself. Real friends take time too because you have to build a history together. Good luck!