Early today, I asked a question regarding clubs… So now let’s move on to my roommate :))
I met my roommate at orientation about two weeks ago and he seems like a nice guy. I only have two problems with him that I would appreciate your opinion on.
The first one is that he is an overachiever when it comes to extra curricular activities. That’s not the problem. The problem is that he seems to think that students are supposed to be in as many activities as possible. I can not do that many things without feeling overworked. I don’t do near as many extra curricular activites as him. He is in marching band and played sports, etc… etc. etc. I’m not into a lot of stuff like that. I never really done extra curricular activities in high school (I was in the French Honor Society, but we really didn’t do anything in that). When we later messaged each other, he basically told me what I should join. He was acting like a parent instead of a roommate. I don’t really want to bring this up to him because it may just me being nervous, but I wanted your opinion anyway.
The second one is that him and I have no similar interests. He likes different music than I do, different television shows, he has different hobbies…etc… (based off of Facebook). We got paired through our universities roommate selector (we didn’t select each other). Whatever happened to personality tests??.. cause my university didn’t have that. We had a very small questionnaire based on things like… if we accept drinking/lights out period… etc. There was nothing based around our personalities, which is probably as important, if not more important, than the questions they asked us. I know I shouldn’t base an opinion off of the very quick meeting of him and wait until I get to know him, but I’m just having pre-college anxiety. I know you don’t have be best friends/friends with your roommate (although my parents thing otherwise), but I would at least want to have something in common other than going to the same universitiy. We are both undecided, but he already knows what he is going to major in once he gets better grades. What should I do if even after we get to know each other, that we have nothing in common?
Thank you if you answer these questions. Just getting out my preparing for college jitters! :))
In the ideal world, you would be best friends with your roommate. Same interests. Common friends. You will remain close friends after college. Your spouses would become great friends too. As would your kids.
But the world isn’t ideal. For everyone of those stories there are multiple stories of roommates who started out that way for several weeks/months/a quarter but then got into a big argument, put a taped lined down the center of the room and never spoke to each other again.
To me, the ideal roommate (in the practical world) is someone you get along with relatively well. You can sit and talk with each other. Grab a bite to eat with them. Maybe hangout with from time to time with one or two of your friends or your roommates or both. But you have your own groups of friends. And interests (at least not all of your interests align – its doubtful all of your interests will align with your spouse and that is the closest relationship you likely will ever have). Much more likely that will work out for both of you. Typically we need breaks from even our closest friends. Tough to get that if its your roommate.
And I agree its too early at this point to be worried about this. See how it plays out. My son last year was assigned a random roommate who was very different than him in many different ways. They were able to get along. Not best friends in the slightest. But next year, they will be sharing a suite on campus with 4 other guys.
I recently attended my college reunion. The person I most wanted to see was my college roommate, who was my closest friend.
We didn’t have Facebook back then, but otherwise, I could have written your post when I was 17. I majored in the social sciences. She majored in biochemistry. I am a total klutz and had to take the lowest level phys ed class. She tested out of the required gym classes and took things like skiing, which I would not have attempted. She was active in the campus Outing Club, which went on camping and hiking trips etc. She was from an affluent suburb of New York. She’d taken a gazillion APs. I’d literally never heard of APs and went to a not terribly good high school in the Midwest. However, my dad had gone to college. She was a first generation college student.
So, we had nothing in common. Still, we ended up good friends.
Down the hall, there were the perfect roommates. Both girls from wealthy Jewish families. Both had attended Yeshivas. Both kept kosher at home. One majoring in religious studies and minoring in sociology; the other majoring in sociology and minoring in religious studies. By the end of the first week, they weren’t on speaking to each other. It went downhill from there.
One reason? My roommate and I never competed for anything. You couldn’t invent a guy we would both crush on or who would be interested in both of us. I wanted to go to law school; she wanted to be a physician. We got involved in different ECs. The girls down the hall had their first fight over a guy they were both interested in. They ran against each other for an office in Hillel.
So, while it’s not necessary to be best buds with your roommate, don’t assume that you won’t be because you have different interests.
The best roommates I ever had were people I wasn’t friends with- just friendly with. It meant that things about lights or the cleanliness of the room didn’t spiral and become personal attacks. We were friendly, respected each other’s space, and lived our lives. When I am good friends with a roommate, and we are upset with each other, going “home” feels like another battle.
My daughter filled out a questionnaire as a freshman and it seemed like they had completely different answers…but they turned out to be good friends.
Things to keep in mind:
People are different in person…it is easier to speak your mind on line.
Your goal should be to have a tolerable roommate…if you are good friends that is exceeding expectations.
Learn to set boundaries…if he thinks a zillion clubs are the way to go…great for him! But that doesn’t mean you have to do what he suggests. You also don’t have to convince him you are right… You can just say “I am glad that works for you…I am cool with what I am doing.” Also as you know, the most important thing in college is GPA…make sure you are doing well before you overload on clubs. Some clubs are good to meet people.
You may not have similar interests… if you like, say hiking, and he doesn’t…you can make hiking friends as well. Or you could try one of his activities or he could try yours or you could both do something new together…or nothing.
You can back off on the facebooking now to help with an anxiety you have.