If you want access to his/her medical records you’ll need to establish a medical power of attorney that your child consents to. But my understanding is that these are used only in the event your child (God forbid) is incapacitated. I am not aware of any mechanism (other than your child voluntary sharing) that would give you access to routine medical records.
I’m not sure you can have rules for kids in college, at least not if they’re living in a dorm or other off campus housing that isn’t home. You can certainly discuss things like values and safety - but hopefully you’ve been doing that for the last 18 years and you have prepared them well to go out into the world as responsible adults. At that point, it’s more about trusting and supporting them as needed, in my opinion.
We have no rules about calling home, I leave it up to them, mostly they FaceTime me when walking to classes or getting ready. Actually we don’t have any rules (when they’re home I ask for a text if they won’t be spending the night here). I know my kids drink, my daughters would always bring their own drinks to parties with lids and hold them at all times, and carry personal alarms (my daughter in Boston has mace as well, she walks alone at 3 am). I only monitor grades for ds20 (who lasted all of 6 weeks at his first university, now he’s on the deans list). If they use my credit card I need to be informed (so I know it’s not fraud). I encourage them to go to class and not be slobs.
I wouldn’t set up rules that you have no control over. Instead I would have a discussion about your expectations of their grades in school. I told me kids that I expected minimum of B average in school or else they could transfer to our good public school and I was only going to pay for 4 years. When they wanted to join a sorority, I said to live in a sorority they needed B+ or better because the professionals they wanted to go into required such.
The only other rule I really had was don’t ask me to bail you out of a jail. They could drink and party, but just don’t get in trouble because it would go on their records nd they would have a hard time getting a job.
Don’t try to institute any rules. Be there to listen sympathetically when they call home to vent. Suggest counseling if it seems like they’re struggling. Give advice only if asked. Treat them like adults even if they don’t act like it.
Overall, I tried to be my kids’ biggest cheerleader once they left home. Of course, there are exceptions. I had to get more involved when my son developed a serious mental illness as a college freshman. That’s pretty rare, though.
I did not set up rules but I did tell my kids that I would like to hear their voice once a week (which they honored).
What I did do was encourage my kids to understand that they are embarking on a new experience and that it is OK to make some mistakes along the way. I reminded them that it will take time to feel like they are forming deep friendships, that they will have new challenges academically etc.
In general, I trusted that the values and lessons taught over the years will give my kids the tools needed to be successful at college (and beyond).
My kids called me everyday when they were in college. Often it was when they were walking around campus. On weekends we would have longer calls. We didn’t have a rule, it was very organic. I have 2 daughters and I think they tend to be more chatty.
We don’t have rules, access to medical records or access to grades, but she does share that info on her own. We did discuss in depth during high school: drugs, alcohol, safety, budgets/personal finance, etc. One thing we did suggest to her was getting a medical POA; she agreed. Her school has a template on their website, and we had it notarized at a local bank. She has a credit card tied to our account to use for
online purchases of books and anything else for classes. Everything else she pays for out of her checking account; I don’t keep track of her purchases. She took a self defense course before going to college, and carries a personal safety alarm. We did tell her we’d prefer she carry one, but the decision was ultimately hers.
We asked our kids to do a health care proxy and to consider giving us access to school health records. I remember one school’s form allowed the student to exclude certain info – such as sexual health and mental health – which we were perfectly fine NOT having access to. That medical consent came in handy when one kid was very sick at school and wanted us to navigate treatment with the school health facility because he was so sick it was too much for him.
Otherwise, we hoped the lessons about consent, taking care of someone who is incapacitated etc. had been learned before they went to school. We did talk through different scenarios they might encounter so they could brainstorm how to handle those situations.
HIPAA authorization and medical POA are a good idea to complete before a student heads to college. Both parents should sign both forms as well as the student, who should get a clear explanation as to what this means.
Then, parents should NOT abuse these authorizations to pry. These are in case of emergency only, not an entitlement to a protracted childhood.
For two of them I had complete access to Canvas, Moodle, whatever the school used, total access to all parts of their accounts that showed grades. For one, whom I was carrying through college, I even had access to their school email account, so I could monitor for important emails that they might miss. I pay, I have total access. This came in handy when the expected (based upon past history) academic crashes came. For one, I had this in place, but as expected, it was totally unnecessary, kid handled everything superbly on their own, and I doubt I ever looked at it.
No other rules - how could I make rules I couldn’t enforce? Kids called me fairly frequently, usually while walking to class or driving to/from work/school. Certainly, I spoke with them about drugs and alcohol, about respect for the other human being in a sexual relationship, about how to protect against pregnancy and STDs.
No rules here. We did have a health care proxy in the event of an emergency but otherwise we don’t have access to his health care information. At some point parents need to step aside and let the kids (really young adults) take the reins. We did talk to S22 once a week during the school year and would text off and on.
Perhaps @parentologist can clarify…but I don’t believe there is a generic HIPAA form. When my kids were in college, this was something needing to done each time needed.
My kids gave me access to their student accounts because I politely asked them if they wanted to manage any financial issues that came up…and they didn’t. So…we had access to that…and permission to talk and resolve any issues…and they each had at least one bill that needed some explanation.
I’m hoping rules was just a poor word choice. It sounds extreme to me. College is where they become adults. I suppose one possible rule would be to get on the same page regarding grades. If you are paying, you expect to be told if they are getting multiple Cs or lower, so you can help get them help and back on track. You won’t continue to fund Ds.
And instead of saying “you must call me every 3 days,” perhaps word it “please send me a text or a call every 3 days so I know you’re still alive. I worry about you!”
I had access to their account to pay the bill, but that was really it. I know at least one school, maybe both (it’s been awhile) had a separate login for parents which is what I used.
I didn’t even have access to grades when they were in high school. I did. for a few weeks and I got so stressed over it (teachers often made mistakes) that I made them change the password on me. They took care of it themselves.
