I was just there in April - fantastic place. I hope they have an amazing time!
To each their own, of course, but this sounds completely exhausting. Even if I wanted to do this, I donāt think Iād have the energy lol
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I never had to monitor my kidsā grades fortunately, but I know more than 1 parent whose first inkling of any problem at college was their studentās suspension. If communication isnāt open between the parent and student, I canāt blame the parent for wanting to protect his investment.
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I didnāt - and with one of them, many times when I didnāt, they dropped the ball. It was a miracle that I got said child through their undergrad degree, but itās done.
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Of course, much more so than the tuition money, it was that I wanted said child to finish a 4 yr degree, and Iām pretty sure that it would not have happened otherwise.
If our kids are treated as monetary investments, then it is no wonder communication isnāt open.
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Interesting. Thanks for the perspective @Lindagaf.
Clearly kids are on different trajectories depending on their financial, cultural, and home backgrounds.
We have not asked him pay for anything on his own even though we receive an account of his spend from his Apple pay account. He has also invested and grown his birthday money and internship pay which he will keep for his own future use. What we have to do now is give him a separate credit card in his name.
That said, the legal and academic ramifications of underage drinking in the US (and on campus) are the same regardless of what they are allowed at home. While I am reasonably confident about my kidās ability to control his impulses (given his track record in HS), IMO, the change of context where they no longer see parents modeling responsible behaviors warrants a refresh.
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our one āruleā above the obvious was to go to career service a minimum of 1x freshman year - great time for resume review and to understand services including handshake and subscribe to career services emails. This makes visits during sophomore year all the easier to go get linkedin set up, take advantage of school headshot days and start the internship process. Heard too many stories of students either not using career services or going for the first time senior year.
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Iām not certain what this means. They learned how to drink responsibly.
At any rate, I can tell you that both of my children told stories of students going completely off the rails with drinking once at college. Both knew kids who had never had a drink in their lives before stepping on campus, and they knew kids who were taken to hospital. Alcohol poisoning is common at all kinds of colleges.
My kids partly grew up in country where children are brought to pubs by parents. It is normal for a teen to have a glass of beer or wine with dinner. This experience has served them well.
As an aside, it is actually legal in several states for people under the age of 21 to consume alcohol. For example, NY states: āThere is no law prohibiting persons under the age of 21 consuming alcohol that was given to them by their parent or legal guardian.ā
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I agree and what I stated above also. Both of my kids schools warned parents about this.
Iāve never monitored grades until #5. #1 graduated college summa cum laude (Rutgers doesnāt send anything for deans list), #2 gave me so many issues in HS with executive function issues (Aās on tests, incompletes on projects/papers) that I was DONE. He graduated, I have no idea his gpa, I wouldnāt have been surprised if he faked going to college), #3 and #4 are type A stepford kids who told me every grade without me asking (#3 had a 3.9 and #4 had a 4.0 going into junior year). #5 crashed and burned, finally checked his gpa October 2021, no bueno, he withdrew. We now have access to his information, heās doing well. I never expected to have to do this.
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At UDel, my daughter said that ambulances were at the freshman dorms all weekend long. Itās legal for my underaged kids to drink in our home in my state.
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With kids going away to college, I think the parents want to know that their precious babies are safe, healthy, learning, and happy. Talk to the kid and discuss ways they can demonstrate that they are all of the above. It will be different for each kid and parent. For some kids well trained through high school, no news is good news; for some very close to mom and dad, ignoring a text for more than an hour is a big deal; neither is right or wrong. From my experience being a parent and teacher, what works is usually what the kids have agreed upon. When they are part of the discussion/negotiation, they are more likely to honor the deals.
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We were just at the pediatrician for an annual physical (our pediatrician goes through college years) and my son signed forms there giving me access to his medical records, lets me make appointments for him and lets me use the online portal.
I am not sure about how the universityās health center works, though.
Right. As I mentioned, if your child voluntarily shares the info (via a HIPAA waiver of authorization) then youāre good. Otherwise you canāt access their medical records other than via a POA but thatās only used during emergencies.
You have to fill out a form for every provider and get your sonās permission for each one - just because you have access to his pediatric records doesnāt mean another health provider will do the same without his specific consent (in writing).
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I would never judge another parent about how much oversight their child needs. Each situation and person is different and the best parents switch it up according to their childās needs.
Iām planning on keeping an eye on midterm and semester grades for the first year, our D23 has a tendency to over-socialize and drop the ball. She has to keep her grades up to keep her scholarship so weāre checking in for the first year. Iām not worried about her keeping in touch. Now S25 will probably call us once a quarter 
Otherwise, I have a list of things that D23 knows but I want to go over again before she leaves. It reads like this; Health (fitness and nutrition), Boys (especially sex and hook up culture), Alcohol and Drugs (fentanyl means no experimentation, none), and Emergencies (how to handle).
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We just made a few things clear.
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We expected nothing lower than a 3.0 any term. No D or F grades at all or the kids could enroll on one of our instate public universities at home.
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We were only paying for four years of undergrad school. Thatās itā¦and we would not pay for any course that needed to be repeated (but really, if that had happened, the kids would have been transferring instate).
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We expected them to work 10-12 hours a week after the first term. This was to find discretionary spending and books. We did give them some additional moneyā¦but having a job was something we expected. Both had really great jobs while on college!
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We paid for cell phones and just asked that they call us at their convenience once a week.
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Awesome. This sounds very reasonable to me. Thanks for sharing.
I understand that young adults have different issues and needs, and as long as the families are working together to address them, then there are a variety of potentially appropriate approaches.
But if parents drag their kids to college graduation by monitoring and managing every grade, every upcoming assignment, every email, etc., then what happens when this graduate gets a job and has to do some of these things themselves? Are the parents going to micromanage the their careers as well?
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