For my son we had some expectations for us to keep paying. Get the GPA to keep your scholarship (made well before he committed to the school), let me know you are alive from time to time, stay within the budget we gave you unless it is unexpected academic fees which we agreed to pay, no more money will magically be given. No disciplinary actions from the college or police (we gave grace for traffic violations but he had to pay for those and any increase in insurance). And let me know if I’ll be getting bills for anything I didn’t expect (usually medical). Last thing was please call if you are in trouble and we will try to help.
We had a parent portal to pay the bills but trusted him with academics. He finished undergrad in 3 years well above out expectations and is in his last year of professional school now and handles everything on his own except we still pay tuition and help with rent and food so he can concentrate on academics.
Legal adult means they register for selective services, can buy lottery tickets, and be charged as an adult in a crime (big one for me). I don’t think that 21 is the federal drinking age, but a state law. Thanks to MADD states who have a lower drinking age than 21 won’t receive federal funds for roads. Ironically generation X’rs are the least likely to drink and drive, at least the ones I know. I do not agree with it.
Yes, I worded that wrong. States can have their own minimum drinking age (the same way some states have legalized marijuana even though it’s not legal on a federal level), but would lose out on federal funds. I turned 18 in 1985 and remember being bummed.
Looking back I had to chuckle when reading this thread. Way, way back in the day as a teen, I wouldn’t say my father had rules, as much as he had two hopes.
don’t be brought home by the police.
he wanted a DIL before he had a grandchild.
Bad news: I failed twice with hope #1. Just stupid dumb teenage stuff.
Good news: although there were a few days of restless nights, fortunately a monthly event occurred in a young lady’s life, meaning I succeeded with hope 2. Learned an invaluable lesson about protection. (It only takes one time)
I had mixed success with imparting my dad’s hopes to my S. He had no police interactions (yeah), and W and I have a wonderful DIL although the first of two grandkids arrived 4 months after the wedding…
Just fyi, because sometimes abstinence isn’t going to happen even with drugs…we put fentanyl strips along with a condom in our son’s wallet and said, hopefully not for him, but maybe for a friend about to make a mistake without them.
Here’s ours, so far:
Weekly video chat
College is our investment; we are paying 100% in the hopes our son can get a fulfilling job/go to grad school. This is our “scholarship” deal (the “mom and dad pay for school scholarship”…) We will look at grades throughout college. Repeated low grades would mean reconsidering. Since we’re paying for everything we get to monitor progress…also if there’s a sudden slip in grades something might be happening (drugs, drinking, depression, drama…all the Ds) that warrants a check-in. Money will also be monitored so we know if there’s a sudden increase in spending to ask what’s up.
Also, there’s lots of talk w/our son about:
Consent
Consent
Consent
Self-care
