<p>I'm having a kind of major dilemma here, and I don't really know where to go. </p>
<p>My family owns a farm, and though both of my parents "got out" and hold different jobs, (my dad actually works both at his job-job and at the farm) I'm being pressured from my family to drop out of school and work with everyone at the farm. </p>
<p>I'm not the first one in the family to go to college, but so far, only 2 of my cousins have left the business. (my mom married in, so she doesn't count as "leaving the business," and my dad is still there.) After working with everyone over break this past week, they kind of admitted to me that they'd really prefer for me to just work full time and help out. </p>
<p>I'm a sophomore at a tier 2 university, but I fortunately have mostly everything paid for even with living here. I've really only taken gen eds so far, but I am planning on majoring in linguistics and English with potentially studying abroad somewhere in Europe. This obviously hasn't gone over well in my family, and my one cousin told me everyone kind of thinks I'm studying useless things and that my time would be better spent at the farm. My mom wants me to do whatever makes me happy, but my dad is always so quiet when I talk about my plans for the future. I don't think he wants to necessarily force me into anything, but i don't think he likes my chosen tracks in life. </p>
<p>What should I do? I really really want to do something else with my life, like potentially learning other languages to go with linguistics, but i feel like everyone in my family disapproves and is against me. I've been commuting to the farm to help out when I have free time, and i just feel that I'm starting to drown in helping with that and also doing my best in school. I'll be honest and say that I'm a bright but not genius student, and while I'm still maintaining good grades, I'm afraid of slipping or spiraling down from my responsibilities with the farm. </p>
<p>Does anyone have any advice or siggestions to help me? I'm kind of at a loss, but i don't want to rush on anything. </p>
<p>I honestly would like to go to graduate school and delve more into linguistics. I’ve taken 3 classes that also counted as gen eds, and I absolutely loved them. I’ve also studied French in high school and took a class during my freshman year, and I’m considering expanding on that so that maybe I can teach it someday. (I think it’s a beautiful language and I’m starting to understand it more because of linguistics) I love literature, which is why I’m technically an English major, but I understand that none of these majors really have concrete job opportunities except for maybe teaching. After grad school, teaching would maybe be a possibility, but I think it’d be amazing to be a linguist.</p>
<p>But like everyone keeps reminding me, none of this can be guaranteed, but the farm can be.</p>
<p>What type of operation does your family run? Do they truly need your help, or is it just that they don’t have to pay for labor if you can’t be coaxed home for a weekend?</p>
<p>That both of your parents also are working off the farm tells me that this operation is not fully profitable. If you were to move home, what other employment opportunities are available to you? Or would you be expected to be the day-by-day manager while everyone else holds down the off-the-farm jobs?</p>
<p>Are your parents hanging onto the farm because they truly enjoy the lifestyle, or are they hanging onto it so that it will still be there in the future when you and/or a sibling and/or a cousin want to take over the farm management? Can you envision a future in which you would want to return to the farm life full-time?</p>
<p>Think carefully about the way your parents told you what they told you. It may be more “We would love to have you come home because we miss you and think you could be happy here.” than “We want you to drop out of college right now.”</p>
<p>Linguistics, English, and wanting to study abroad. Maybe you should think about getting a certificate in TESOL. That might be a good career match for you.</p>
<p>The farm cannot be guaranteed either. There are NO guarantees in life.</p>
<p>That being said, not sure who’s paying for your education, but I can understand they may be concerned about return on investment and practicality.</p>
<p>Have you ever considered a minor in international business or something like that where you could REALLY utilize your business minor coupled with your foreign language skills?</p>
<p>In the end you have to follow your own heart. I would NOT quit school to go work on the farm…but that’s me.</p>
<p>Thank you for your input. The farm is primarily composed of all family (including aunts, uncles, and cousins) with a few close family friends to help fill in the gaps. We’ve actually been expanding to the point of going to various farmer’s markets and conventions, so it’s becoming increasingly hard for the family to handle alone.</p>
<p>My parents would never tell me to drop out of school, but some of my aunts and uncles are more blunt and bitter. All of their kids are continuing the tradition (except for two who moved states to work for big companies), and even my older brother is. My dad relies on him to help manage things, and during the summer when I’m all in, I’ve been taking on more responsibilities as well. </p>
<p>I know everyone would love to have me back, but i think that the fact that I’m only there part of the time might make them feel like I’m just riding everyone’s coattails. They think that I’m old enough to make major decisions, and since they don’t like my career decisions/interests, they’ve been pressuring me to just do what we’ve always been doing. </p>
<p>Even if I don’t know exactly what i want to do, I know that it’s not farming, and this fact makes me feel incredibly guilty and sad.</p>
<p>Don’t do what other people want you to do or pressure you to do at your age. Just smile and nod and do your own thing and pursue your own life.</p>
<p>Tell them you will come back to the farm after you finish your education if that is the right thing for you to do, but not before.</p>
<p>Honestly, if you do this, you will resent them for the rest of your life and they will NOT appreciate it. People, family, never appreciate these things for long. They always just move on tho the next thing they want to pressure you into doing. But do your own thing and stay clear and respectful, and they will appreciate you and you will appreciate them, as the years go by. </p>
<p>If the farm was a viable business it would be would considering. But the hard fact is that it’s not. At least not enough to pull your father from his main job. Another important consideration is that it is not your business. It’s time to live your own life and its selfish of your father to ask otherwise. GL</p>
<p>Don’t let cranky aunts and uncles boss you around. Do what you can, but stay in school. The farm sounds badly managed if you ask me. anyone paid? </p>
<p>Stay in school, let the comment roll off your back. Often people are jealous.</p>
<p>^^#11, Not sure that the farm sounds badly managed. Lots of farmers have a town job, especially for the health insurance. Most farm families are paying $15,000-20,000 for it with high deductibles and no maternity.</p>
<p>I live in an ag community. Reading your posts as an impartial observer…you want very much to stay in school. I think, assuming someone grew up on a farm, he/she either knows he does, or does not, want that lifestyle. I think it’d be easier to return to farming later (if you changed your mind) than it would to return to school. If the relatives are giving you flak now, I think it’d be even worse if you came home for them now and then tried to return to school later.</p>
<p>Farmers are very practical people. I know here they’d be questioning your major. That doesn’t mean it’s not right for you! It sounds as if the negativity is more from extended family than your parents. I can see how this decision is very difficult for you. Leaving the family farm is hard. Good luck!</p>
<p>I would continue at school. Maybe you can pick a minor or certificate such as business, plant genetic engineering, botany. Then try to work; maybe you could contribute some of your earnings to the farm? If work doesn’t pan out, then you can return to the farm and bring back your business/botany skills with you which may be helpful to the farm.</p>
<p>Your aunts and uncles are probably bitter due to the hard work and they probably want “all hands” helping out to make their lives (and everyone’s lives) easier. But you are not completely excluding yourself from helping out at the farm, it’s just that you are excluding helping out FOR NOW. If you quit school to work at the farm, given the family dynamic, you will likely never go back to school again. And maybe your aunts and uncles are bitter because they feel like they never had the chance to pursue their dreams. If that’s the case, then if you quit school to work the farm, you may end up feeling the same regret that they may be feeling 20 years from now.</p>
<p>If you know in your soul you are first and foremost a student, and money is not an issue for this endeavor, then by all means, be a student!</p>
<p>Perhaps your aunt and uncle think that they are “footing” your college bills with their work, and feel that they have the right to voice an opinion. Talk this over with your mom and dad. </p>
<p>Help when and where you and your parents see fit. Part of being an adult is making decisions and living with the consequences. Congratulations! You are becoming an adult!</p>
<p>Dropping out of school is extremely shortsighted. It sounds like your aunts and uncles are just jealous that you got to get away and go to school and their kids didn’t. Maybe they now deep down resent that fact that their kids didn’t get the same opportunity and are trying to make you feel guilty for not helping out more. In my opinion, If you think there is a chance you could end up working on the farm after you finish school, I would try to also take at least a few well chosen practical business classes that would allow you to contribute in a more meaningful way than just working at a farmers market. If your family needs help at the famers market, perhaps they could hire a high school student to work at the market. Surely a more effective solution than giving up your opportunity for a college degree. If you give up school to go back and work on the farm you will forever regret that decision and be more and more resentful of your family for “guilting” you into that decision. It sounds as if your parents really want you to stay in school as well, but maybe aren’t speaking up as much because they don’t want to cause waves with the relatives. I am sure they are very proud of you and your achievements - don’t let them down by dropping out of school.</p>
<p>You said also that you are afraid of slipping and are spiraling down. I would have a conversation with your parents and tell them exactly that and work out a farm/school plan that allows you enough time to get your studies done. School needs to be your main priority right now. It makes no sense to take the time away from the farm and do lousy at school because of the lack of focus on the school work. That is a lose - lose proposition. Even though I have never lived on a farm, I would imagine the work never ends. You could probably work 24 hour days and still find more things you could do.</p>
<p>This breaks my heart. You shouldn’t feel guilty or sad because you don’t like farming. It’s not for everyone. </p>
<p>Think of it this way: My H is a physician. If he pressured my kids into becoming physicians when neither of them has an interest in the field, should they feel guilty or sad that they don’t want to be physicians? No - different things make different people tick. You’re not insulting your family by having other interests.</p>