<p>This year I transferred to a different college. I'm living on campus, and I was very excited to start everything from scratch. I sort of met a lot of people at first, but started hanging out mostly with this one group. I was very happy and spent all my time with them and didn't get to know anyone else that well. As time passed, I got to know my friends better, and realized that we are very different and want different things from our college experience and from life. I don't mind being with them every now and then, but these are not the people I want to be my closest friends. Unfortunately, I realized this too late - it seems like everyone has already settled into their groups. I talk to some people in class, but it doesn't go further than conversations in class or walking from class. Also, as a transfer I'm taking upper division classes, and most of the people live off campus as dorms are very expensive. I have a lot to study and don't have that much time to join many clubs or go to the gym, things like that. This situation with friends is making me feel constantly angry and stressed out. I'm not an outgoing person by nature either, so it's been kind of hard to do something about it. Sorry for the long ramble, but I'd appreciate advice on getting to know people better. How can you meet new people when it seems like everyone already has their groups ?</p>
<p>That was me 30 years ago. I transferred from a juco and never clicked with the crowd at the four-year school. They were nice enough, I guess, but I definitely felt like an outsider. I lived off campus and had a much-older boyfriend who had his own house about 45 minutes away. I really just made my life outside of school. I am a sports fanatic, but amazingly never went to a game for my alma mater. On weekends, I hung out with my bf and my juco friends. After the first semester, I got a great job about a 45-minute commute away and hung out with people from there after work, going to clubs and such (back then, the drinking age was 18).</p>
<p>This might not be what you want to hear, but the four-year institution was just a place to get my degree, not the place of icy-covered dreams. I look at the place fondly, but it wasn’t the place where I made lifelong friends and deep connections. And that’s OK.</p>
<p>Since you are living on campus, I would think there would be lots of opportunities to make connections through your hall, student govt, etc. What kinds of clubs have you joined?</p>
<p>Try approaching someone in your class to form a study group. (I take it you aren’t doing sciences, or you could ask someone to be a lab partner.) Or ask someone who seems on the ball if they could help you with grapple with some concept that you find difficult-over coffee perhaps? Or sign up for a sports class that involves partnering-tennis, raquetball, something where you and someone in the class can meet later to practice. Otherwise, it’s back to clubs, religious groups, etc…</p>
<p>You should have time for one club. Find one that interests you that also has regular members so you see the same people consistently. Then network! Get to know them and allow them to know you. See what happens.</p>
<p>Sometimes those friends take some time to get to develop. You’re still new to the school. Last year, my son lived in a dorm that was on the outskirts of the campus, and he never really clicked with his roommate. This year, everything is so completely different. He’s in the middle of campus. He’s joined all sorts of clubs and doing activities I never would have guessed (like going for a 5 miles run for a charity with a friend). My kid? He’s so involved that he’s out and about every night, every day. And yes, some of that is schoolwork. Life is good; it just took awhile to get it going.</p>
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<p>The key word is ‘seems’. There are bound to be others like you–transfers, or people who are looking outside their own circle one way and another. Some people are less quick to make friends than others–that’s not a bad thing. I would definitely find one group to join-- something you really are interested in-- and then, let the year develop. If you think someone seems interesting and nice, ask a question, a simple one, and see where it goes. You’ve got lots of time left and friendships will develop, maybe in surprising ways.</p>
<p>Keep fishing. Throw out a line every hour ("Hi. How’s it going? " or “Is the campus film any good this week?” or "Tell me about . . . "). Keep throwing out lines and sooner or later you will get a nibble. </p>
<p>I love watching good interviewers (Think Oprah). They have a way of asking open questions that require a person to respond with a paragraph instead of a yes or no. Practice interviewing. Great way to learn a lot . . . and to connect.</p>
<p>If most upper-classmen are living off campus, is there a student union where people go for lunch and coffee? Try hanging out there sometimes, for studying and meeting people, for casual conversing, etc. Try to join one club/activity/cause that meets often. Hang in there; you’re experiencing a taste of the “real world” re: friendship-making in the workplace.</p>
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Great typo, YDS. It WAS icy!</p>
<p>LOL^^^! You’re right.</p>
<p>OP,
Does your college have a Greek system? If so, go through rush. It is a great way to make instant friends. I think your situation is why the Greek system was invented and continues to thrive. Go into it with an open mind.</p>
<p>I just wanted to let everyone know that I really greatly appreciate your input; those are excellent suggestions, and I will try to follow your advice. Thanks for making me feel better! I was indeed thinking of joining a sorority, but I can’t afford to pay the fees.</p>
<p>Do you have a part-time job on campus?</p>
<p>It might be easier to get to know people while you’re wiping tables in the dining hall or standing behind a counter in the bookstore than it would be in class.</p>