<p>DD is a HS sophomore going to her first prom. She and her date, a junior, will be sharing a limo with another couple. They've been seeing each other about 4 months.. if that matters. There will be a party afterwards at the house of DD's date. Yes, adults will be in attendance. Our DD is pretty much a straight arrow, a responsible kid. Here's the BIG question. What time should we insist DD be home at? What's the norm? Sorry. I know it's not about college, but you folks are too good a resource to pass up.</p>
<p>My D also went to her first prom as a sophomore, although with a senior. I originally set 2 a.m. as the deadline to be home but actually it turned out that there was an afterprom overnight at the home of a family that I knew so I said she could sleep over. It kept them off the roads at a bad time of night (the boy was driving, they didn't use a limo). Senior year afterprom was also a sleepover, chaperoned etc. In a way I prefer that, since driving in the early morning hours can be so risky and you never know who else out there was drinking and then driving the wrong way on the highway and such. Since this is someone you probably know pretty well and know the parents, I would say a group sleepover (which can be much more innocent than it sounds) might be an option to consider if his parents are agreeable to it. Otherwise 2 a.m. curfew.</p>
<p>You should find out what the "norm" is in your community. In some areas there are supervised sleepovers, others where parents serve breakfast to the kids, etc. It really varies.</p>
<p>That's a good point; what we allowed was pretty standard in our particular school; check with other parents (you may have to ask junnior girls' parents since not that many sophomore girls probably go to prom).</p>
<p>Another vote for checking with several other parents. At DD's school, what the kids do depends on if they are juniors or seniors - the juniors just kind of sponsor the prom, and oh, by the way, they also get to attend. Seniors have several special before and after events just for them. My DD was home by midnight as a junior, but senior year there was a prize session at McDonalds, then a breakfast at someone's home, and it was close to 3. We are very close to her date's home (the site of the breakfast), so we weren't too worried about driving. The real partiers in her senior class rented hotel rooms at the hotel where the prom was and never actually got out on the road, they also left prom by 10 - too boring.</p>
<p>Just out of curiosity, why don't Dads have any input?</p>
<p>What a silly question. We know whose opinion counts. By the way, my D wanted strict parents with an early curfew so she could end early if necessary.</p>
<p>Who cares what "the norm" is I have my own standards. If I went by "the norm" my DEAR DAUGHTER would be pregnant and dropped out by now. OLD DAD.</p>
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Who cares what "the norm" is I have my own standards. If I went by "the norm" my DEAR DAUGHTER would be pregnant and dropped out by now. OLD DAD.
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<p>HAHA, fatherofthe. Im with you. Id basically sit with my D and explain my concerns. Then Id ask her if she can help us get over the concerns, including setting times, etc., etc. </p>
<p>I have found that if you start this kind of thing early in a kids life (visiting friends, riding bikes, sleepovers, parties, etc., etc.), then by the time they get to prom age, theyll come to you themselves, with the whole plan, gladly and with warmth. Whats more, youll have nothing but trust in their ability to figure out how to handle themselves in most any situation.</p>
<p>I think the norm does matter in this context. Community standards vary, and a standard curfew in one place might be overly harsh or overly lenient in another; it might be mroe comfortable to see if there is a reasonable meeting of the minds. Similarly, if there is a history of "safe" coed overnights, then even though it is a concept you might not have thought about before, it might indeed be a good idea. And if there is a history of problems at afterparties, then no matter what your past experience may have been in another community or with another child, it is something you will want to avoid this time. A prom is a community event, and it makes sense for parents to have a collective awareness of what goes on before and after and what expectations exist. There is no point having a specific curfew if it is an hour later than everyone else's, and it is perhaps not any better to have a specific curfew if it is arbitrariy set to be earlier than everyone else's just for the sake of maintaining family authority. </p>
<p>I don't think the norm on CC or most other places is for daughters to get pregnant and drop out of school no matter what their curfews are. i think My standards of appropriate behavior are pretty high, but I have never been convinced that surface adherence to curfews and public good manners equate to morality, though surface virtue may be a start in the right direction.</p>
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<blockquote> <p>Who cares what "the norm" is I have my own standards. If I went by "the norm" my DEAR DAUGHTER would be pregnant and dropped out by now. OLD DAD.<<</p> </blockquote>
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<p>I didn't say you had to slavishly follow the norm - the only way I would do sleepovers is if it was at my house, and I sat up policing them! But it is a good idea to know what the norm is. I would be unlikely to allow my soph daughter as much latitude as a senior who will soon be living in coed housing, but I would want her and her date to have a good time within reason.
Also I think we are addressing proms in general, not the specific situation of the OP. In the case of a 10th grade daughter, I would have a long discussion with the parents who are sponsoring the party, including offering to bring some snacks - a common way to get more adult chaperones on premises, and often welcomed by the party givers. At the breakfast my daughter attended, it was almost one to one adults to children - but that was because we have call-outs, then a group of parents went out for dinner, followed by reminscing at the home of the party giver, heating the snacks, etc. Then when the kids started arriving in the limos, they were fed, last pictures made, then parents began leaving with instructions for when the kids (mostly seniors) were to be home.</p>
<p>My D went to the prom as a freshman with a junior. She had to come home right after the prom. Since then we have hosted post-prom parties, but all the boys get picked up at 2:00 a.m., and the girls then do whatever, and H and I can get some sleep. We do not want to be responsible for any activities, sexual, drugs, drinking etc., nor are we going to sit among them to monitor what goes on in the basement & bathrooms :eek: Call me old fashioned.</p>
<p>chocoholic, Girls by themselves never drink or do drugs, so a single-sex party is therefore pure? Good kids are good regardless of gender; you may have a point about the sexual activity in a mixed group but I hardly think boys have a monopoly on substance use/abuse. Obviously there is no one right answer for all families.</p>
<p>Sorry I'm not a parent but it seems as if parents aren't really helping you out.</p>
<p>The time depends on what time the prom ends. I live in NYC and my school has prom from 8PM - 1 AM. Then theres after party and hanging out, so most people get home around 3-4 AM (but more towards 4 AM).</p>
<p>Just give your daughter enough time to hang out at her date's place (maybe like.. 2-3 hrs) and then make her come home. I suggest not to be so strict and stern about the time and offer some leniency (I don't know your parenting methods but you sound like a cool parent) because its her first prom.. You dont want to create any anxiety or bad memories for her :)</p>
<p>You are right mattmom, I confused the 2 issues. Plenty of girls and boys alike, drink and do drugs. I meant no sleepover from the sexual standpoint. Anyways, my D has girlfriends who drink, but none who do drugs. And they do not drink at our house, because D does not allow it.</p>
<p>Are the adults at the party planning to stay up and supervise all night?</p>
<p>If so, then I don't see why being there at 5 a.m. is any more dangerous than being there at 1 a.m. If not, she should be coming home whenever the active supervision ends.</p>
<p>On the other hand, if the adults "in attendance" are actually upstairs with the door shut and looking the other way, then the party might be a lot more risky at 10 p.m. than a supervised party would be at 5 a.m.</p>
<p>Maybe this is a ridiculous suggestion, but why don't you ask your daughter what time she thinks is appropriate, and what she plans to do between the prom and the curfew time. If she feels like she has your trust (which it sounds like she does) and gets to really discuss what is and is not appropriate with you, she will probably be happier with and more likely to follow what ever curfew is eventually set.</p>
<p>Nightingale, if adults are in attendance, are they actually going to be in the party room where they are not wanted, making the kids uncomfortable, or are they going to be "cool" and be in another part of the house, as Hanna was saying.</p>
<p>Anyhow, you know your own child best. And the prom is a very special event. So I would let my D go to someone else's house for a post-prom sleepover, knowing how she would conduct herself, and also knowing that she would not hesitate to call me to pick her up at any time.</p>
<p>Our community hosts an all-night party at the high school which alleviates all of this drama. There are breathalizers at the entrance and students are not allowed re-entry if they leave so no drinking is going on. There are plenty of chaperones and they actually make it sooooo much fun that the kids want to be there. It's all good clean fun.They stay until 6am!
I wonder how may places do this now?</p>
<p>DD will be going to the prom with a friend...and 14 other couples...also all friends (no boyfriend/girlfriend couples). They have rented a mini bus/limo. We know all the kids on the bus and their parents. Someone will be having an after prom party (might be us for all I know!!), and likely it will be an all nighter with breakfast served by the hosts (and contributions made by everyone). DS did the same thing when he went to his SR prom a few years ago. But as I said, we know the families well, knew there would be adults there and awake at all times, and the kids would be supervised. Once I find out where the after party is, I will call the family. My daughter thinks I'm awful..but she understands that if they say no adults are going to be around, she simply will not be able to go. Period.</p>
<p>Overnights significantly increase the likelihood of sex. Parents do not sit up all night with the girls. There is often back and forth happening. </p>
<p>If your S or D does not want a sexuallly pressured environment, she should avoid sleepovers after the age of 13. My theory is that sleepovers after the age of 13 are a recipe for trouble--unless the kids are camping out in the country somewhere without any possibility of sneak visits.</p>
<p>Breakfast and an after-party at someone's home are better bets, in my opinion.</p>
<p>There will be drinking at proms. There is a 50-50 chance your child will drink something. Assuming your child has a will of steel is a mistake. Assume they are human. Assume they are subject to peer pressure. </p>
<ol>
<li><p>Make sure they have something substantial to eat before they leave home.</p></li>
<li><p>Make sure you talk to them about how to avoid drinking games.</p></li>
<li><p>Make sure they do NOT get into a car with another prom goer. give them a taxi number, your number, etc.</p></li>
<li><p>A sophomore girl dating a junior or senior boy should hear the details of birth control including the percentages of getting pregnant by each method. Junior and senior boys should also hear the same as well as the details of how long it takes the pill to become effective.</p></li>
<li><p>Ask for a 2 am phone call.</p></li>
</ol>