Psst - grade my essay and I'll grade yours in return!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>This is from the Blue Book test #8.</p>

<p>Quote: "There is, of course, no legitimate branch of science that enables us to predict the future accurately. Yet the degree of change in the world is so overwhelming and so promising that the future, I believe, is far brighter than anyone has contemplated since the end of the Second World War."
Assignment: Is the world changing for the better? </p>

<pre><code> Today, we enjoy living in a prosperous age that has the most wealth and most advanced technology the planet has ever seen. Increases in technology, health care, and international cooperation are helping the human race change the wold for the better, as they make Earth a more comfortable place. If such forces continue, they will greatly ameliorate the human condition.

We are inarguably living in a technological revolution, with incredible strides being made in the fields of computers and robotics. These advancements continue to connect the world across borders as social networking and mobile phones bring distant regions of the globe into closer contact. As the growth of technology continues to grow exponentially in the future, this international communication will only be augmented. Without a doubt, such communication helps foster international understanding and tolerance of other cultures, making the world a more peaceful and advanced place.

Scientific advancements in healthcare are also making the world a more hospitable place for life. Though the world was once plagued by AIDS in decades past, new scientific innovations are putting scientists on the path to curing this epidemic in the near future. This, coupled with new vaccines, will decrease suffering worldwide. Also, as globalization continues, developed nations will be able to reach poorer countries, giving underprivileged citizens the benefits of our latest scientific advancements. Overall, the increased availability and effectiveness of life-saving cures and immunizations will indubitably alter the standard of living for humans everywhere, changing the globe positively.

The past six decades have seen considerable change in international cooperation. The formation of the United Nations has allowed countries to diplomatically resolve disputes without war. The Soviet Union was peacefully dismantled without bloodshed and the decolonization of Africa was a relatively peaceful endeavor. As more and more diplomatic organizations, such as the European Union and NAFTA form, international belligerence can only decrease. Since these organizations were formed during the late 1940s, there has not been another world war, and if this continues, the world will be a far better place.

Clearly, scientific advancements in healthcare, technological innovations, and increased diplomatic cooperation are all contributing to a more peaceful, healthy world. Though it is impossible to ascertain the true nature of the future, it appears that our planet is on its way to becoming better than it ever has been.
</code></pre>

<hr>

<p>Please grade and/or give comments! :) And if you have one you'd like me to take a look at, post the link to your thread as well. Thank you!</p>

2

<p>Wow, it’s a 12/12! A few spelling/grammar errors, but it’ll suffice. I like the diplomatic cooperation idea! I wish I thought of that.
I also did the same practice test today. Can you grade mine? It’s kind of mediocre compared to yours. :(</p>

<p>The twenty-first century technology has upgraded the world by enabling people to travel faster and communicate better with a new myriad of engines and devices. Recent social networking websites, telephone devices, and transportation ways have been created to make people’s lives easier and to change the world for the better.</p>

<p>The worldwide phenomenon, the Facebook, has captured the attention of half a billion people in more than thirty countries. using this social networking site, many reconnected with their friends halfway around the world by just a click. By updating their profile pages, many can notify their friends about their lives. With such an accessible networking site, people can find information about others around the world with just one click. </p>

<p>New telephone devices such as the iPhone enabled people to video chat anywhere with anyone at anytime. using the iPhone, long-distance families can communicate through the microscopic camera and microphone integrated inside the device as if they were next to each other. Telephone devices like the iPhone can unite families through high-tech video chatting. </p>

<p>On a more personal level, scientific and technological developments has made my friends life better. My friend was an orphan who lost contact with her father after a series of unfortunate events. To find her father, she made a website advertising her and her father’s most precious memories in hopes that her father would stumble upon the website one day to contact her. Miraculously, with the help of social networking sites like the Facebook, my friend received a message from a man that found her website. he claimed to be her father, and by using scientific developments like DNA testing, the man was confirmed to be my friend’s father. Thanks to the improved sciences and technology of the twenty-first century, my friend reunited with her biological parent. </p>

<p>The degree of change in the world is running on such a rapid pace that it becomes so overwhelming to some people. However, changes in communication by newly developed social networking websites, high-tech telephone devices, and improved sciences have made lives easier. Thus, changing the world for the better.</p>

3

<p>Aside from the fact that I completely disagree with everything the OP written, it should receive a 12/12. But anyways the world is really not going to the paradise land you describe it as. Starvation (contrasted with excessive wealth) continues to be and will always be a problem in the world. Governments are becoming more and more corrupt (have you seen the amount of revolutions and bloodshed lately?) Technology is taking away jobs and will probably go too far in the future. Just my 2 cents</p>

4

<p>t I would give the essay an 7 or 8 out of 12.
This was a well written essay. Your language use, grammar, and word choice was amazing. It did seem organized, which is good. Your introduction was very effective and interest. You thesis was good as well. </p>

<p>You may want to state your examples in the intro, preferably in the order that you plan on writing the essay. This shows even more organization. Your first two examples are too broad. The SAT wants specific answer. For your first example you should have focused on a specific type of social media and one event that has made the world more peaceful. Your third example is more specific which is good but can be even more specific. It also needs to be further developed. </p>

<p>Your conclusion is a summary of the whole report. You should try to take it beyond a summary.</p>

5

<p>sliang - Thanks for grading. About yours:
It’s not mediocre at all! Sometimes the wording was a little awkward and could be improved, but overall, it was good. Try further developing each of your examples. I’d say 8 or 9.</p>

<p>And NeedsHelp1212 - I absolutely agree with you. Between the economic downturn, increase in terrorism, political fights, and debt crises, the world is getting extremely screwed up. I just chose these examples and agreed with the quote because I figured it’d be easier to write an effective essay with them in 25 minutes. You don’t really have to believe what you write on these essays!</p>

<p>Iammiss, thanks for the feedback. :)</p>

6

<p>and your essay is not a 7 or 8 as the other guy said. My writing is no where near the adeptness you utilized and I still got a 8 and 9 respectively on my first two SAT’s</p>