@rhandco Good advice. He is a smart kid and I do trust him to make a decision that makes him happy. Stanford UCB USC UCLA UCSB and Pepperdine are all good schools and I will support his decision. UCSB makes me a little nervous as it seemed a party type atmosphere when we visited. I also think he likes having this power to choose on his own. I really hope he loves the admitted student weekend at Stanford. Anyone here that has attended this event in the past? How was it? Did your D/S enjoy it?
@NosyCaliparent, if your goal is to have our son choose Stanford, what you should do now, IMHO, is back off and be as passive as possible.
I cannot imagine he would pass on the opportunity to go to one of the best universities in the world, in one of the nicest locations, unless he has a really good reason. Assuming he doesn’t, don’t give him one by pressuring him at this point.
I speak from experience here–you want him to genuinely believe it’s HIS choice to go there and that making you happy is just icing on the cake.
Fingers crossed for you!
I’ve had one at Admit days, and will have another there this year. It will be good for your son to go. They have it at the end of April for a reason–it is the last place a student visits before making his decision and they know most kids will love it. They do a great job selling the place that weekend. Both student and parents get swept up in the “awesomeness” of the school. I don’t know how he could resist the lure!
And go,with him…woth yoir check book…just in case he loves it. I bet admissions will be open and willing to take your deposit!
I received a Stanford undergrad degree many years ago, but also worked on campus for most of my career. I think those who feel it’s a better place for grad students than undergrads may not have been paying attention lately. They have done a great deal in the last twenty years to create an outstanding culture for undergrads both in and outside the classroom. And I think the humanities are stronger than many here believe, with many students doing double majors blending STEM/humanities.
UCLA decisions are out on March 18. UCB decisions on March 24. Cal Day (for anyone but especially good for admitted UCB students) is on April 16. I think that the admitted UCB students will also be invited to attend an overnighter in April, probably on April 15.
I begged my DD to apply to Penn. She is a top student plus Penn has a small preference for kids who live in the City of Philadelphia. She visited Columbia and Penn - and hated both. Would not even apply. I was disappointed but I have to say that even at 17, kids have a good “gut.” We are attending admitted students’ days at the schools of her choosing and she is truly enjoying herself. She will not attend an Ivy league school. She will attend a large, public research university and will be very very happy.
Give him time and he will know what feels right. He has amazing choices.
He finds out about UCLA tomorrow. He has lots of friends applying to UCLA but he’s the only kid in his high school that got accepted to Stanford(six friends applied one deferred rest rejected-hate that word btw). I think he would highly value attending college with some high school friends. Can anyone share about S/D importance of attending college with friends or its something not very important? Could have worded that better-hope you know what I mean. Thanks
What matters is what is important TO HIM. If that matters to him, then it matters. I’d insist that he go to accepted student days at Stanford and a couple of other top choices, but then let him decide. Lay off trying to build a case.
OP, My kid doesn’t want to go to a college with lots of kids from her high school, that’s for sure. To her it is very important that as few classmates be there as possible. Other kids might feel differently, but I dont see Stanford as the kind of school where one is likely to encounter too many HS classmates.
D1 didn’t want to attend with kids she thought hadn’t worked as hard as she did. But that was more about her safeties. Both of mine attended an LAC and there were kids 3 or 4 they knew from home. So, they car pooled once in a while, no big deal. Going to the same college didn’t bond them to these others. It’s a bigger world than who knows whom in their hs or the nearby ones.
I agree that OP’s son should get the final say. Stanford is more than reputation and has a pretty high bar during the four years. Some kids don’t want to be stuck with that just because overall, a particular school ranks higher. Your college life isn’t about just getting in and the sticker in the car window.
I think everyone is different. Six of my classmates (from a small school - graduating class of 80) all got accepted to Harvard. I was best friends with one and decent friends with most of the others. I took a gap year, but I rarely saw any of them and as far as I could tell most of them moved on as well. I’m still friends with my former best friend, but never as close as we were in high school. Everyone ended up in different dorms and I think we all may have ended up in different majors as well.
Regarding admitted students weekend at Stanford, both DS and DH (I was not able to go, unfortunately) absolutely loved it! Someone earlier said that they put it at the end of April for a reason, and it certainly worked for my son. Even though he was leaning toward Stanford, that weekend really helped him decide he was ready to commit.
As far as going to college with friends, DS didn’t consider that in deciding where to apply or where to ultimately go to school. All of his friends either went to CC right after HS and transferred to four-year schools later or went to either UCs or Cal States right away. Although he applied to some UCs (and no Cal States), he always viewed them as back-up schools and really wanted to go somewhere smaller. None of his friends even applied to the same group of schools that DS did.
S got accepted at UCLA yesterday. He was very excited. Does anyone know when he might hear from UCB?
Your son sounds like the kind of guy who will be academically successful at any school. Happiness is a different issue. Insofar as that is something one can predict my solution is always to go to the place, spend time with some peers, and see how it feels. I went to the Stanford campus before starting law school there. It felt like paradise on earth. My suggestion is visit and see what happens.
It is good to encourage your child to consider all options but please be aware that great grades and test scores do not guarantee admission. Read the posts on the Ivy League pages. They are full of “outstanding” students who were rejected (not even waitlisted). At my Ds school, the salutatorian was waitlisted or rejected by every one of her “top tier” choices, while students much further down were accepted. It was shattering for her because her parents had talked nothing but elite universities for years. I didn’t “push” any college but made it clear I was happy with any of her choices.
@klingon97 - While your advice is good in general (don’t expect admission just because of top grades). The OP stated that his son was accepted EA to Stanford:
Let me throw my experience- My first son applied to Stanford EA and got accepted. He had visited the school before applying and also went to the school after admission with me and refused to apply to any other school. We are from east cost and we insisted he apply to Harvard RD also so that he can compare but decide on his own. First he refused and finally applied (due to parents compulsion) and was fortunate to get at Harvard also. He then visited Harvard, stayed over the weekend, attended classes and informed us that he wants to go to Harvard. We liked that decision as H was our first choice, but it was finally his decision and he is happy about it.
My son has been fortunate. So far he is five for five. First he got a full
scholarship at Alabama just based on his test scores. He was admitted EA to Stanford and has been accepted to Pepperdine, UC-Santa Barbara and now UCLA. He’s just waiting on UCB and USC. I think he was seriously considering UCLA but because of a good Stanford financial offer its cheaper than UCLA. I’m hoping the Stanford admit weekend will seal the deal.
Breathe deeply and remember your child’s life will hopefully be decades long. This is a tiny part, and he can be or not be many things, regardless of the name of the school on his degree.
I worked with a student who had every reason to hope for an ivy, but she was rejected. She was accepted at Emory, but since she had to pay every cent herself, even their generous scholarship couldn’t cover enough of the cost. She wisely realized that since she planned to go to graduate school, she didn’t want to go into debt for undergrad. She ended up at the University of Illinois, her last choice when the process began. Because she is a dynamic young woman, she excelled and had fantastic opportunities available at a huge university. In the end she paid 5K a year.
Now she’s in grad school at Johns Hopkins. The U of Illinois was good to her, and she loved her time there and the friends and organizations. In retrospect I don’t believe an ivy, or even Emory would have been as good a fit as U of I. During the, “Where are you going next year?” stage she had to swallow a little pride for what she had expected of herself and what people expected of her. After that, no one cares. So many students transfer, drop out, struggle…It’s about growing into an adult who can make the world a better place. That’s it. Parents have to stop worrying about what’s on the sweatshirt and the car sticker.