MODERATOR’S NOTE:
I’m keeping it open for now; the OP is still around, but please keep to topic. Additionally, hijacking threads is not allowed. Several posts deleted.
Indeed.
My Vassar D was full-pay and had a car her first year. On a few occasions she had help with her laundry. And, horrors of horrors, she at times purchased food at the famous Adams Faircare Farms market instead of eating on campus. Not only did she make what will undoubtedly be lifelong friends from every socioeconomic strata, she’s employed in her dream job in the highly competitive tech industry and is well-adjusted and self-reliant. Go figger!
Coming back late to this, my comment about anxiety and getting counseling was not a comment on mental health. Anxiety can be normal rather than clinical. On an online forum I would not be able to tell the difference. And I also wrote that “many of us” see counseling during this transition, when we have kids with diagnoses that require extra care in college choices (medical or psych.). That does not mean that “many of us” have mental health problems, it just means we turned to professional advice instead of CC 
However, after reading even more voluminous responses by the OP, mostly defensive on specific points, overfocus on certain issues (laundry) and reading the contradictory versions of the OP’s role in her niece’s life (practically raised her or contact once a year?) I have even more doubts about what is really going on here. Something isn’t right and that is all I am going to say.
I repeat the suggestion to seek counseling for advice on this transition rather than depending on this forum. That is not an insult or judgment but based on experience. If the OP is a parental figure that is.
@compmom I am posting this to clarify what I have previously posted.
I assisted my mother in raising my niece until I left my mother’s home to start my own life. I am still involved with their life as much as I can and want to be. I speak to my niece via phone call every two weeks (we text often). We are close and she comes to me with typical teenager problems and to sort out her emotions. If you have fully read my comments you would understand this. None of this is relevant to my questions.
I’d also like to point out that I do not care for opinions on what I should or should not do about laundry. I didn’t ever ask for advice in those regards. I asked other Vassar parents/students in what condition they were in.
I will be doing exactly what I want to do when it comes to the financial and emotional assistance I wish to provide for my niece. I never asked for other’s opinions on those matters.
I asked about my home and her access to it.
I asked about showers and laundry facilities.
I asked about how often I should visit her.
I’ve essentially figured out the answers to these questions but I am still enjoy other’s responses. Specifically the last handful that were back on topic.
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
Then I’m closing, since after my last post, the discussion turned into the Dan Ackroyd/Jane Curtin version of Point/Counterpoint, which I’ve deleted.