<p>My son went to college across the country. I agree that the anticipation of his going was worse than his actually being gone. I love hearing about his adventures and watching him find his own way. Don’t forget you can skype, text etc. You are only going to be hours away not an expensive plane flight. Don’t look at it as leaving each other, look at it as exploring different worlds that you then can share.Good Luck!</p>
<p>rom828, aww, thank you. 
I can’t imagine having to deal with that as a parent, though. After raising a child for 18 years, they have to leave you and create a life on their own! It seems so scary! But, you are right. It is infinitely better than the alternative lifestyle one could choose!</p>
<p>TNE2011, you are so right. I am thankful that my “dream school” is only approx. four and a half hours away from home! I actually took a mini road-trip to UF with my best friend a few weeks ago. I had to drive on the interstate to get there for the first time, and my mother took it better than I thought, but she worried, nonetheless! We were there for about three days, and I think it eased her mind that I was able to make that trip without her. :)</p>
<p>My parents are actually in the process of getting a divorce… for the second time. I, personally, didn’t think it wise to try it again the second time, but who am I to tell my parents what’s best? Anyway, I am really trying to encourage her to identify with my younger sister a bit more, who has troubles with school. I know that they aren’t very close because of this and my mother is so used to not having to worry about MY grades and homework, that she compares my younger sister to me.</p>
<p>I know that this isn’t the subject, but I can’t help but notice something here that may need to be addressed. Your younger sis has likely been negatively affected by your parents’ impending second divorce. Sounds like your family has been thru a roller-coaster of emotions: marriage with stress-separation-divorce-reconciliation-marriage with stress - and now sep/divorce again. You may have been able to cope with all of this by “diving into” your academics…your sister isn’t coping as well…perhaps because these events have occurred at a different critical development stage in her life. </p>
<p>I would encourage your mom and sis to get into some kind of therapy to deal with their issues…your mom shouldn’t be comparing your sis to you…and your sis may have some issues from experiencing the stress in the household over the years.</p>
<p>mom2collegekids, I completely agree with you. I am extremely worried about my sister as well. We are pretty close, but we argue a lot because she chooses to not listen and she does not want to put effort into her work and I encourage her to do well, but she chooses not to work up to her potential! She is so, so smart! Smarter than me, even! My mother knows this as well, and it bothers her tremendously. The problem is that my mother does not like admitting that there IS a problem, and she would never, EVER go to therapy or send her child to therapy because if she did, that would be acknowledgement that there is a problem. 
It’s tough. They divorced the first time when I was six and my sister was two. This time, I am eighteen, and my sister is thirteen. It’s much different and harder now. I blow it off because I’ve been through it before and I know that they are better off separated. But my younger sister is upset and has been misbehaving as of late because of it. I told my mom that she is lashing out because of the divorce, but she tells me that that isn’t true. She doesn’t want to believe what is right in front of her.</p>
<p>Over Thanksgiving I helped my now college senior DD with ideas for her thesis and strategies for job hunting. It brought back a flood of memories about other rites of passage- choosing a pre school, the high school and college searches. Choosing freshman year classes. Sending her off to study in 3 different countries.</p>
<p>You and your mom take a journey together. She will continue to have important roles as your life changes and progresses. Both of you will find most all of these stages fun and rewarding.</p>
<p>You don’t have to be there in person to stay close. DD and I text, talk, Skype video, email, send each other links to interesting things, plan events and trips…She’s 3000 miles away yet always right there.</p>
<p>There will be some growing pains for sure, but you’ll both be fine. And your mom, if she’s anything like me, with burst with joy and pride as she participates in your becoming a wonderful adult.</p>
<p>Waverly, my mother bursts with pride now, when I feel that I really haven’t accomplished much of anything! Haha. 3000 miles away?! You are one strong mother! My mother begged and pleaded with me to AT LEAST not leave the state of Florida! I not only stayed in the same state because she begged me to, but because I don’t think I could’ve handled being that far away from her. It’s nice to know that I have my independence while being four and a half hours away from her, but that I can ALWAYS make that drive home if I really want to. Thanks so much for your thoughts.</p>
<p>mnyawn–UF will be great for you. Close but not too close. Wonderful school with lots of options. Easy to find groups in whatever interests you may have. Ready made friends. Obviously you are looking forward to it!
As for your family situation, all I can say is that you are not responsible for your parent’s happiness. Parents are supposed to raise children, not the opposite. Please release the guilt that comes with leaving your mom. You need to be your own person. Sounds simplisitic but it’s not.
I hope your sister can find some good support, maybe from another family member. She is not responsible for mom’s happiness. She needs a life plan and some immediate goals (just like you)–school, what kind of work she would like etc. A bit of focus on her life would probably do wonders.</p>
<p>You will be fine and mom will be too. I was just like your mom last year. Worried sick about my daughter being away. Dd and I are very close. I vented about all the problems of college. I probably wore her out with all my worry. She is a freshman this year. She doesn’t call hardly at all because she wants to break away. I understand but it was hard at first but not so much now. I think it was best for her to do this in hindsight but man it was very painful the first two months. It was like ripping a bandaid off. I thought she was mad at me for something I didn’t know I had done. She confided in my husband that she had to not call me or she would be too homesick to be active and do well at school. I wish he had told me early. I really thought she was mad at me. The funny thing is we guess she would do this. She did this the first time she went to camp in another state. One less than 5 minute call all week. I should have known. She comes home over break and acts like nothing happened. Wants to go right back to being number one dd. She is almost 10 years older than her twin sisters. She gets one on one time with mom after the girls go to bed early. We watch many shows on demand together and talk about everything. </p>
<p>Your relationship is good and it will hold up even long distance. Mom wants the best for you and you have worked so hard to have the best.</p>
<p>“It’s not your job to make her feel better - it’s your job to become independent.” << My thoughts exactly.</p>
<p>I am very very close to my daughter. We also see each other every day and have had shared so many experiences together. All the triumphs and tragedies, I have been there. I will miss her terribly. BUT, she really needs to grow into a fully functional adult and to do that she will need to go away to school. </p>
<p>Now as to your family situation, and I say this having been there (well not twice married to the same person but family problems). You can’t make your mother (or anyone else) do anything, but the healing starts when the secrets and hush-hush stop and problems are acknowledged and named. Good luck to her, and you.</p>
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Hmmm… Don’t let her beg and plead to keep you in-state for graduate school, to come home for spring break, to take internships close to home even though better ones are offered elsewhere…</p>
<p>Your mother had a life before you came along. She just doesn’t remember right now. Ask her about what she did and what she enjoyed when she was a young adult. Help her remember who she was before she was your mom.</p>
<p>You are not responsible for her happiness but you can help her with the transition.</p>
<p>My daughter knows I love to hear bits and pieces of her daily life. A text message here and there during the day help me. I still miss her but I know she is ok and at least I am not wondering and worrying. It would be a lot harder for me if she didn’t send those little text messages. I don’t think that it takes away her need for independence, it shows respect and compassion for me.</p>
<p>My daughter is a college freshman this year halfway around the world. I love her and miss her dearly, and I had a really hard time anticipating her going away. But the moment she settled in and made friends and a new home, I was so happy for her. I know I’m not adding anything new here, but really, your mom will (should) be okay. There’s no better feeling than knowing that your child is happy and growing.</p>
<p>I do have a younger daughter at home, too, and yes, she’s been receiving a lot more attention from her dad and me. But it’s been nice getting to know her better, too.</p>
<p>Good luck with everything. You sound like a remarkable young woman.</p>
<p>Re your sister, I think you should try to leave the topic of her schoolwork out of your relationship with her - just try to pile on the sisterly love and support. She has a lot to deal with right now and probably has many complicated emotional reasons for not working up to her potential. She may feel that you’ve cornered the market on academic stardom in your family.</p>