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1

<p>Hello,
I'll be posting my essays here, every time I'll write one.
Rate them, please, if you have free time.</p>

<p>First one's question:

[quote]
What is your belief on the notion that knowledge makes one happier?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Answer:

[quote]
Some people think that knowledge brings happiness, while others disagree. But does it really bring happiness? The answer is simple – yes it does.
Firstly, think about the greatest inventors and phisycists. Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, we can also consider ancient Greek for this matter. Why do you think they tried either to invent or to prove something? Do you think that they wanted fame? I disagree – they wanted knowledge. It was the main stimulus for them. They felt great when they did that nobody else hade made before.
Moreover, most of people love reading books. Why do you think they read books? We could find several reasons for that and one of them is knowledge. In my opinion, everyone who reads books, of course, agrees that reading brings him or her happiness. However, not every book brings knowledge... There are two kinds of books: fiction and non-fiction. I believe that fiction books do not lead you to more knowledge. But the other kind of books surely does.
Personally, I just love getting more knowledge and it certainly does make me happier. I really do feel more self-confident when I have more knowledge than surrounding people. What is more, not only do I feel self-confident and happier, but also I am broadening my horizons while I am getting more knowledge. Consequently, my goals are getting bigger and I believe that I am becoming more successful person.
Although there are group of people who will never admit that knowledge leads people to happiness, it certainly does. Consider famous inventors and physicists and also not forget to look into your lifes. Think whether your so beloved habits brings you knowledge. Then say to yourself: how can knowledge not bring happiness?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Thank you!!!</p>

2

<p>Few more essays, I wrote today:</p>

<p>Question:

</p>

<p>Answer:

</p>

<p>Other question:

</p>

<p>Answer:

</p>

<p>One more question:

</p>

<p>Answer:

</p>

<p>And the last question:

</p>

<p>Answer:

</p>

<p>Please, rate them…</p>

3

<p>

</p>

<p>Really? I don’t know about that…</p>

4

<p>what are you trying to say?</p>

5

<p>I’m saying that I don’t think that “people hardly had any knowledge” before the Renaissance, and I doubt that “people’s [sic] habits were virtually the same.”</p>

6

<p>Oh, I thought that I made some grammar errors there.
Well, we will never know whether they had any knowledge or not. I was trying to emphasize the difference in people’s outlook before the Renaissance and after.</p>

7

<p>please, evaluate them, somebody…</p>

8

<p>First Essay about knowledge and happiness: 3/6. It was, in my opinion not a great essay. The questions you posed had no purpose and hurt your argument. Rather than saying I disagree, just say what you think.</p>

<p>

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<p>Why did you even mention fiction books. If it doesn’t help your point, why mention it. You also talk about not only does it bring happiness, it helps you broaden your horizons. Unnecessary details, and it hurts your essay.
The essay lacked cohesiveness and detail.</p>

9

<p>Second Essay on knowledge being burdensome:</p>

<p>Where is your thesis in the essay???</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>How can knowledge might be but never will be the weapon? Contradictory…?
Are you trying to intimidate the opposing side by threatening famine? </p>

<p>Overall, blotchy reasoning. Your paragraphs barely supported that knowledge is not a burden.</p>

<p>the essay is a 3. I would not be surprised with a 2. ALWAYS SAY YOUR THESIS IN THE INTRODUCTION.</p>

10

<p>These scores seem accurate. Your conclusion for your knowledge essay is not good. I’ll add on to some critique:</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Avoid rhetorical questions. They weaken your argument. Also avoid using the first and second person forms in you essays.</p>

<p>The main reason why this is a poor conclusion is because you try to present more arguments (using rhetorical questions) that should not be there. A good conclusion should at minimum restate your thesis (which means you also need your thesis in the intro), restate your arguments, and state a consequence of your thesis (or the consequences of not having your thesis) that relate to your arguments (you did this part, but did not articulate it well).</p>

<p>I could write more, but I don’t have the time and this just stood out to me.</p>

11

<p>Thank you both for your reviews.</p>

<p>And about that weapon thing… I made a mistake.
It should be:

</p>

12

<p>Your essays are well-built
Ideas are various and outrageous.
It may be a cliche but I think you shouldn’t use that much ‘I’
Try to add more examples to support your ideas.
However, you shouldn’t give lots of your own thoughts( For example, how do you know that Bill Gates is that materialistic? He made a fortune because of his breakthrough)
Bill Gates can be an illustration but you can write in another way in which the grader won’t consider you as a short-sighted
:)</p>

13

<p>Thanks for advice. :)</p>

14

<p>

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<p>What’s the error?</p>