Read a potentially cliche/cheesy essay?

College Essays
1

<p>I've written a potential common app essay, but at this point I can't come up with any other topics and I keep looking back at this one. However, I have some serious doubts about it. I'm worried about the "cheese" factor, its lack of cohesion/clarity, its lack of strong narrative voice, its overdone descriptions. Part of that is just my writing style, but this essay is so important...and I dont want adcoms to think I'm very weird.
I am looking for someone to crit this essay very harshly (dont even bother about my feelings) I'd rather know here and now that its crap than finding out in may, lol. {since Im one of those kids with good grades, but grades that are average for the top schools I'm applying to, the essay needs to really stand out}</p>

<p>With that being said, any takers?</p>

2

<p>ill read it :]</p>

3

<p>ill be happy to read/edit it for you</p>

4

<p>I’d be glad to read it over for you; I’m a particularly blunt person, so it should be no problem :slight_smile: PM it or email it over at <a href="mailto:bleucrimson@yahoo.com">bleucrimson@yahoo.com</a></p>

5

<p>bumpsssssssssss</p>

6

<p>I’ll read it for youuu (:</p>

7

<p>I’ll read it, sure.</p>

<p>Mine is totally cheesy…but in a unique way, so hopefully that’s ok :D</p>

8

<p>Oh good, found this again!
I did some editing and revision, if anyone would be willing to read the tweaked version</p>

9

<p>i’ll read it-- email it to me as an attachment: <a href="mailto:missmibster@yahoo.com">missmibster@yahoo.com</a></p>

10

<p>ill read it</p>

11

<p>Oh I should add, preferably not '14s for the usual reasons :)</p>