Read my UC application essay please!!

<p>alright guys so here it is, my rough draft for prompt number 1 i believe. It has to do with the major you have choosen and what led you to that decision. ANy advice is helpful. k thanks! </p>

<p>When I first realized I wanted to go into accounting, it was an epic moment. Before I had this epiphany of mine, I was lost and I had no idea what I wanted to accomplish in life. When you feel stuck somewhere with nowhere to go, you start to become nervous and scared. Well, I was trapped in an endless road of junior college with no clear goal, and I was terrified.
From the moment I graduated high school, I had scattered all over the college major spectrum looking far and wide for where I would fit. My first choice was medicine, probably nursing to take after my mother’s striving success in that field. I felt that my way of addressing stressful situations, figuring out what to do, and handling it with the appropriate amount of medicine, would guarantee success in this career. When that fell through, after realizing I couldn’t bear the thought of death and being surrounded by it on a daily basis, I then went to communications. I had always known how to work a crowd, with my enthusiasm and bright smile, no one could resist. My goal here was public relations. I felt that this concentration would lead to success and with my above average writing skills, analytical thinking, and an empathetic attitude that would blow your socks off; I would surely skyrocket in this field. This fell though due to my lack of creativity. Don’t get me wrong, I’m as creative as the next guy, but having to write an endless amount of articles and statements would leave me lifeless. What I’m trying to say is there would be no motivation for me to climb that ladder of success; it’s not my cup of tea I suppose.
Now I’m sure at this point, you’re probably thinking I’m somewhat inconsistent. However here’s the thing, I was going about my career hunt all wrong. I was taking a characteristic of mine, and applying that individual characteristic to the best fitting job. What I should have done from the very beginning: use all my skills as a reference for picking the most suitable career. I have excellent communication skills, I love to think critically and analyze any given situation, my math skills have always been above average, and I require structure and discipline. All these combined, led me to the field of accounting. My interest in accounting was first developed when I decided that I wanted to become involved in the area of business where only the best are needed. A desire to excel above the rest and shape the financial world as we know it inspires me. Accounting is the backbone of the business world, and I promise you, that’s where I belong, and that’s where I’ll succeed.</p>

<p>no one has any comments what so ever??</p>

<p>First off, it is not really good to post your essay on public forums because people may use it themselves :(</p>

<p>About the essay:
I would revise the introduction. You want to start off with something that will grab the reader’s attention. Also, do more showing and less telling throughout your essay. Show how you felt trapped!
I would definitely try to avoid these type of statements : “cup of tea i suppose”, “im as creative as the next guy”. They just do not really mesh well with the paper in my opinion. Hope this helps!</p>

<p>k thanks! how do you delete a post? lol</p>

<p>Oooooor just edit your original post.</p>