Read my UC Berkeley Letter of Appeal

<p>Read my Appeal Letter and tell me my chances (They are slim I know).</p>

<p>To Whom it May Concern:</p>

<p>During these past few weeks I’m sure the UC Berkeley’s department of admissions has received these letters in excessive quantities. I know that there has been a plethora of sentiments from applicants, parents and discontented critics, conveying their feelings of disdain, sorrow, and confusion. Personally, I have the utmost respect for the University of California at Berkeley and I hold the university in my highest regards; though I am an out of state applicant, I feel like I have developed a more intimate relationship with the school as I do more research on the history and the tradition of Berkeley’s scholarly excellence. While on this quest, I have become increasingly attached to the diversity, and the thrilling atmosphere that is represented thoroughly through Berkeley’s website, other helpful websites, and even in textbooks! In essence of my circumstances, new achievements, and my internal feelings for the university, I am writing this genuine letter.</p>

<p>With the outstanding nobility of a school such as Berkeley, the vast amount of applicants was highly anticipated. The task of every admission officer was incredibly strenuous, as the class of applicants was extremely qualified; therefore, I can fully understand the decision that was made by the officers that read and examined my application, in comparison to others with credentials similar to my own and those were beyond. My reason for composing this letter is to express a dream that has been fostered in my heart; I am cognizant that the outcome of this letter may be the contradictory response to that in which I am seeking, but I simply can not allow this motion to pass without exalting every option that is in my authority.</p>

<p>My life has experienced a significant deal of change over these lengthy five to six months since the beginning of the application process began. The alterations of certain aspects of my life stunned me acutely, as numerous affairs had invaded the parameters of my being. My intentions are not to gain sympathy, but the matter that affects me the most is the ongoing issue with a dear uncle. Shortly after submitting my application to your institution, my uncle was convicted for first degree murder, several counts of burglary and assault. In the chaos of the action, my aunt and my four female cousins were put in severe jeopardy, as my youngest cousin was allegedly apprehended by my uncle. In the process, my uncle committed a vehicular murder, killing a state trooper before he was eventually neutralized. After this overwhelming affair, our entire family received abrupt attention and this sent my house into immediate upheaval. At the fresh age of 17, I could not understand how my beloved uncle, a benevolent man with a kind spirit could be responsible for such monstrosities. My grandparents (the parents of my uncle) were incognito for weeks; the psychological effect on me was severe as I became depressed, while sympathizing with my parents, grandparents and extended family members. Throughout this period, I was still balancing a hectic athletic schedule, a rigorous academic schedule, commitment to clubs for service activities, and self instructed SAT prep. This family affair continues proceed, however my family is pressing ahead and I am managing the increasing amount of responsibilities required of me. I thank God for seeing my family through this dismal window of time and allowing me to persevere during this time as well.</p>

<p>For the duration of the time spent waiting on the decision from UC Berkeley, I have acquired some new accomplishments in academics, athletics and other areas as well. I finished my first semester with A’s in: Honors English IV and Yearbook III, which were the only two high school courses taken in the fall semester, taken in conjunction with three college classes. I finished my class at Martin Community College with A’s in all three classes that include: College Algebra, Honors Psychology, and Introduction to Sociology. My GPA increased to a 4.3 weighted/3.8 un-weighted and it will continue to increase with the completion of the spring semester. From the first SAT I took in May of 2012 until now I had done nothing, but improve. My scores went from the lowest of all my scores, which was a 1500 to a 1710 that I received on my last SAT in December of 2012. This 200 point increase in my composite score came from self-instructed SAT prep. I would get on YouTube and look at ways to tackle math problems, sentence completion and even writing the essay. I increase my math score from a 480 to 540; my critical reading score of 560 to 580; and my writing score of 470 to a 590. While these scores are not the highest, I worked exceedingly hard to augment these scores under the intense pressure of deadlines other circumstances. I achieved all of these academic accomplishments while playing football where I received these rewards: first team all-conference for my performance at wide receiver and cornerback; second team all-area for my performance at cornerback; coach’s award for being an outstanding role model for the team; I was also recruited by Methodist University and North Carolina Wesleyan College as a Division III recruit. I began my second semester of school adding the course of Leadership Development to my schedule that included AP English, AP U.S. History and Spanish II. I currently have A’s in all four classes. During this spring semester I led my basketball team at the point guard position and leading defensive player, before I suffered a broken hand causing me to miss the rest of the season and the first four games of baseball season. Baseball season is currently underway and I have returned after five weeks of recovery. Other accolades that I have been recognized for are: being voted homecoming king, being voted as treasurer for the National Honor Society, being selected as a national finalist for the 2012-2013 Discus Award for being an all-around high school student, and I recently sang in my third consecutive talent show. My senior year has been an ultimate success, despite the adversity I have faced within my family, academic stress and sports injuries.</p>

<p>Moreover, the views that I hold on the world and social equality will not be able to come to full fruition at any other institution. I have been accepted to the very reputable universities of: the University of California at Santa Cruz, the University of Chapel Hill, North Carolina State University and Methodist University; however, the consistent reputation of UC Berkeley’s program in social science are the best match to suit my passion for social justice. I am willing to accept any offer: as this university is the only institution that can support my needs as an activist for positive change. The on campus vigor and desire for a social improvement is what attracts me. After researching the Free Speech Movement, the history of protests and activism, Berkeley became more than a school to me; it became a home away from home, because here in North Carolina the prejudice and parochial outlook vilify my vehement stance on many political and social affairs. At any other school, I would be forced to conform, while Berkeley’s legendary past and present day account inspires innovation, imagination and revolutionary change. My position on issues such as racial equality, the conditions of our civil liberties and the popular same sex marriage taboo will never be entirely expressed at any other university. The passion I possess for liberating others; for understanding others; for serving others, cannot be honed at the aforementioned schools. Only UC Berkeley is able to satisfy all the vital aspects that will allow me to develop exponentially as a successful social leader!</p>

<p>In summation, I understand and respect your decision to deny me admission; however I do hope that with the implementation of new information, you will reopen my file. I have exhausted every factor in my jurisdiction and I believe that God holds my future. The only thing left to do is submit this letter and allow destiny to run its course. Thank you for granting me this opportunity and roll on you bears!</p>

<p>You have the hook, which most don’t. But it’s way too long and unecessarily wordy and in my opinion a bit obsequious. Cut it down by at least 50% if not more. GL</p>

<p>Definitely way to long. Just tone it down and your. And try not to come across as bragging. Your last 2 paragraphs were the best</p>

<p>Oh my. You’ve really gone off the rails here. It’s unlikely any one will get past that first paragraph of fulsome nonsense. Ditch it. Ditto for the second paragraph. You want your appeal letter to be taken seriously, not passed around for everyone’s amusement.</p>

<p>

These statements are patently false, so delete them.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

<p>I read the whole thing in pieces, skipping lines while doing it. I think a busy admission officer would do a similar thing while all the time thinking ‘Yeah Right’. The letter is definitely an overkill. I think you should tread carefully since you dont want to play this game on an emotional level and talking about the school in a poetic manner is definitely doing just that unless you are indirectly telling the officer you know more about UCB than him. Lol. Wrong move.</p>

<p>My advise is to keep the story short and to the point. Leave the flowered language for your essays. I hope you succeed in uour endeavor.</p>

<p>Rewrite completely: short, to the point, no flowery language, no big words.</p>

<p>First, my heart goes out to you and your family for the devestating loss of your uncle in such a tragic way.</p>

<p>“I feel like I have developed a more intimate relationship with the school as I do more research on the history and the tradition of Berkeley’s scholarly excellence. While on this quest, I have become increasingly attached to the diversity, and the thrilling atmosphere that is represented thoroughly through Berkeley’s website,”</p>

<p>You do not have a RELATIONSHIP with this school. You are attracted to it. </p>

<p>The letter sounds like you went to a thesaurus and looked up a lot of words, trying in desperation to appear more intellectual. People with SAT scores in the 500’s don’t speak like that, so it sounds contrived. Rewrite it, sounding more like yourself, and keeping it brief and to the point. Forget the flattering of the school and just update them on your personal growth.</p>

<p>And, can you afford to attend if they would accept you?</p>

<p>Too wordy. 2nd paragraph unnecessary.</p>

<p>Couldn’t help laughing at the SAT part with the scores in the 500’s range, sorry.</p>

<p>Kkmama- I will take your constructive criticism and I will reexamine my letter, taking out anything that is way too superfluous; however, I will not let you discredit my vocabulary simply because I have scores in the 500 doesn’t mean I can’t have an expansive vocabulary. During the time of my SAT I didn’t have classes that really pushed me to expand my vocabulary, as opposed to my AP courses now. Please refrain from making comments about the SAT, because I don’t believe it defines a man’s intellectual abilities. I do very well in my AP courses and I can write very well, so please exclude the SAT jokes.</p>

<p>I agree with the consensus that it is wordy and long. Honestly, you have a good case. Not sure if the AdCom will get past your SAT score though. It’s a little bit on the low end of Cal’s average.</p>

<p>Thank you everyone for your comments and criticism. I will definitely use the advice you all give me. I would like to clarify one issue and that is the SAT accusations! I know 1710 isn’t the highest score on the SAT, but if you are one of those people who believe tha the test is an “end it all, say it all” then you are extremely misguided. Some people aren’t test takers, some people don’t have the means to prepare, some people are just average when it comes to this test! How can you base a persons total intelligence on a test where you are designed to fail. Then people come to this sight and all happen to have 2100+ SAT scores thinking they are the better candidate over a person like me just because of their score. Some people got into Berkeley with 1500-1600, obviously they had something others don’t have.</p>

<p>Again I accept your criticism and I will clean up my letter. The SAT bashes just really damage a person after they have worked extremely hard. If I took it again I would probably go up, problem is there is no time left to do so.</p>

<p>Cut out the second paragraph completely. The “nobility” of Berkeley? I cringed while reading that.</p>

<p>What MamaJ said. Plus read this. It’s good advice. Focus on new and compelling:
[Ms</a>. Sun’s UC Admissions Blog - Freshman Appeal Guidelines](<a href=“Error”>Error)</p>

<p>Remember, telling the admissions office they made a huge mistake is not going to help you. For your appeal to be considered, you must prove that you are a much stronger candidate than what was presented in your application. Specifically, you must present new and compelling information that was not previously available to the admissions office. So if you failed to include information regarding extraordinary hardship or exceptional talent/extracurriculars on your application, you can discuss these things on your appeal as reasons for the UCs to reconsider you. Make sure you describe exactly how the exceptional talent/extracurriculars qualify you for UC admissions or how the hardship prevented you from achieving academically.</p>

<p>Your objective is to explain why the UCs should be interested in you, not how much you love the UCs. State your case concisely (one page appeal is ideal and two pages are acceptable) and don’t exaggerate or try to be dramatic. Keep in mind that the acceptance rate on appeal is less than 3% at Berkeley and UCLA, and under 10% at most other UC campuses.</p>

<p>Paragraph 1 is irrelevant.</p>

<p>Paragraph 2 is irrelevant.</p>

<p>Unless you didn’t submit your December SAT scores, discussing those is irrelevant</p>

<p>Where else you were accepted is irrelevant.</p>

<p>You’ve got some great choices. Prepare yourself mentally for one of them, because this appeal is unlikely to work.</p>

<p>Don’t be too defensive on your SAT scores. If you do get in to Cal, you will get this a lot if your fellow students will find out your score. That is just reality. Just nod and smile.</p>

<p>I agree that SAT/ACT scores are not the be all and end all, but whether you like it or not, it must be the main reason why Berkeley rejected you. It’s a good measure of anyone’s level on equal ground. From what I’ve seen, most of the admitted students that have low SAT (1700 and below) have near perfect GPA and/or #1-10 in their class.</p>

<p>If I was an admissions officer, I would take more of a liking to the kids that are straightforward with their writing and don’t use unnecessary big words to sound smarter.</p>

<p>I don’t really see the point of this appeal. There’s little to no “NEW” information. It’s just explaining in detail all the things you had in your UC Application. You got accepted into GOOD schools. They’re not Berkeley but they’re solid schools. I’m going to go to UCSD and I understand it’s not the best school in the world , but it’s a solid school.</p>

<p>I half-assed my way through high school, didn’t study, and still had a 1780 SAT. I didn’t even apply to Berkeley knowing that the kids there had way better applications. Sometimes, you got to get real with yourself.</p>

<p>Thank you everyone. I appreciate all your comments. I’m completely aware of everything I will post San edited version soon. Keep commenting on this, I love the discussion. I am happy that I got I was accepted into some decent schools and even if the appeal doesn’t work I will just apply as a transfer after a good freshman year at whatever school I go to.</p>

<p>[Kevin</a> F. Adler: My Successful Letter of Appeal to UC Berkeley](<a href=“HuffPost - Breaking News, U.S. and World News | HuffPost”>My Successful Letter of Appeal to UC Berkeley | HuffPost College)</p>

<p>I really think you have a good case to present and all the info you have now is good, but you don’t want to say why you want to go exactly, but why you would be an asset to them, and as others already posted, this is wayyyy too long, so cut down on the language, because although your uncle is beloved to you, it does sound a bit too much (no offense).</p>

<p>Get straight to the point, keep it short, don’t be a kiss-up, watch your grammar. I would say keep it at <400 words.</p>