really messed up my freshman year :( . now what?

<p>Hi,</p>

<p>I'm new to this website and I have really been stressing out about some really poor decisions I made my freshman year and how they will affect me in the future.</p>

<p>I'm a junior now and I can definitely say that I am a completely different person than I was when I entered college. Everyone who has known me for a while always comments on how impressed they are with much I've changed. I honestly think that I was not ready for college when I entered my freshman year. I'm not sure if I think I would have benefitted from waiting a year, though, because I do think my experiences that year were really a wake up call and I don't know if I would have developed so much without it. I used to be HEAVILY into smoking weed and I know people say that it's not a drug and you can't get addicted, but I was! I smoked multiple times a day and my life pretty much revolved around it. That is what I spent all of my time and my money doing. In addition to weed, I also experimented with various other drugs. I also spent all my time partying. I had absolutely no regard for my family and never gave much thought to my future. Needless to say, I did not have a successful first semester. </p>

<p>Second semester did not go over well either. I had problems with every class, but the worst was statistics. I had a friend in the class who was helping me study for an exam the night before, but I was a hopeless cause. He told me not to worry about it and that I could cheat off of him the next day. WORST DECISION EVER! Deep down, I knew I shouldn't, but I copied his answers anyway. Of course, the professor noticed the similarities in our exams and sent us both an email asking to speak with us the following Monday morning. I took the fall for us both and said that my friend did not know I was copying him. I had to sign a form and I was given a warning about academic integrity. This is how much I did not give a **** about anything: I didn't even follow up to see what any of that meant!</p>

<p>Well, by the time the summer was over, I was a completely new person. I stopped using all drugs, including smoking weed- and I haven't since then. I got rid of all my friends that were part of the problem. My relationship with my family COMPLETELY changed. I starting thinking about my future and what I needed to do to get where I wanted to be. Once I got back to school, I studied all the time and started making new friends. I was able to retake the classes I did poorly in (including statistics- which turned out to be surprisingly easy). I was able to make the Dean's list the past two semesters, and this semester is looking good. I have also managed to make up for my loss of credits that came with retaking courses and I just added a second major. </p>

<p>I really, really want to go to grad school for psychology. The one thing that is holding me back is when I stupidly cheated my freshman year. I don't want to be lectured by people on here about how wrong it was, because believe me I knoow more than anyone. I regret the way I used to act and think so much. It sincerely bothers me because I believe I am lucky I even got accepted to such a good school, but I didn't even understand it or appreciate it at the time. But what can I do about that? I know it isn't on my transcript, but I have a feeling I'll have to disclose it when I start applying to grad schools.</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

<p>I’m sorry if this isn’t the best reply…I can’t say I’ve gone through life in your shoes, but I empathize with your pain about the past and fear for the future. I also just applied to neuroscience PhD programs, and I was a double neuro/psyc major, so I can tell you a little about the application process.</p>

<p>First of all, nobody cares about your first year of college. It might throw your GPA, but most grad schools ask you for your in major GPA, last 2 years GPA, or something like that. Every application I filled out had spaces for explaining any academic probations/warnings, and also had room for “additional information,” where you can tastefully explain your situation. I can’t tell you exactly how much your academic warning and early grades will affect your chances at admissions, but people DO get into grad school with similar histories as you.</p>

<p>Most importantly, however, you need to convince the admissions committee that grad school is right for you. WHY do you want to go for psychology? What type of degree (research? clinical? masters?). I haven’t heard anything about your interests or experiences. It is VERY IMPORTANT to get lots of experience in your field. Since it’s your junior year, you could apply for summer research programs, or look for other summer opportunities. You could also consider getting some research or other experience after graduating, to make you a more competitive candidate and prove to admissions that you are ready for the challenge of grad school despite a rough start to college.</p>

<p>In summary: the past is over. You can’t reverse time, you can’t undo actions. BE the new person I hear that you are, pursue your passions relentlessly, divorce yourself from the guilt you are carrying, and you will thrive.</p>

<p>Excellent advice, NeuroApp.</p>

<p>OP, you need to check with the dean’s office to find out exactly what happened to those charges. What was the official disciplinary action? What did they call it? When disclosing the violation of academic integrity, you must be consistent with what is on record. Were you expelled, suspended, or put on probation? Know the terminology. Your freshman grades are not as much of a problem as the disciplinary action.</p>

<p>No one here can predict how grad schools will view this blemish (and it is an offense that they will take seriously); however, if you make efforts to show how different you are now, then they might be willing to take a chance. In your statement of purpose, don’t address the cheating directly (that’s for another place in the application), but instead talk briefly about how you turned your life around after a series of bad decisions. Don’t dwell on them. Use them as a starting point for a positive, compelling statement.</p>

<p>In the meantime, as NeuroApp said, you’ll have to get as much research experience as possible. Develop relationships with your professors. Your letter writers’ estimation of your character, aptitude, and ambition will carry a lot of weight.</p>

<p>I think one of the best ways that the blemish might be overlooked is not only to have the OP tastefully explain it in the SOP, but have the recommenders say something about it and cast a vote of confidence in the recommendation. Having prominent academic colleagues vouch for you is a much stronger statement than doing it yourself.</p>

<p>However, the OP needs to understand that convincing the recommenders to do this requires steely determination, a long term effort and stellar grades from here on end. And you have to constantly contact and build a consistent relationship with the recommender such that they know you’ve made a major turn in your life.</p>

<p>I’ve been a TA for some time now, and there’s nothing I hate more than students who missed 80% of the lecture and discussion session, constantly hands in deplorable work, and in their last week tells me they’re going to do their best to ‘rectify the situation’. They usually leave the meeting asking ‘Do you think I can still get an A’? !!!</p>

<p>In short, you have to demonstrate yourself STRONGLY AND CONSISTENTLY for the next 2 years to gain a strong recommendation (which in many ways is critical for application to grad school).</p>

<p>graduate school and graduate level research depends on trust and integrity. Graduate advisors and graduate faculty tend to be very strict in their interpretations of misconduct and the consequences. If you have changed, you will be willing to listen to lectures about consequences, so that you can move forward toward your goals.</p>

<p>I also agree with Momwaitingfornew. You must know precisely what is on your record, what is the technical meaning of the recorded statements. Then you will need to explicitly deal with the issue stated on your record. You will need to have demonstrations of sincere remorse of your previous actions and of what you’ve learned from this situation. You will also need LOR writers who can attest to your new adherence to high standards of integrity. The degree all of this needs to be covered is all dependent on what is posted on your transcript and official records!</p>

<p>You will probably want to include a letter explaining what you explained here with your app. Admissions committees are going to take notice of an academic dishonesty infraction and may dismiss your app entirely. At least you have some potential recourse by writing a statement.</p>

<p>Props to you on quitting the drugs.</p>