<p>Thanks everyone for your helpful input. I sincerely appreciate it. Every one of your insightful comments, I have taken to heart and found the advice very useful in this clearly tumultuous situation.</p>
<p>I told my boyfriend last night. He was shocked and at first you could tell he just didn’t know what to say, but then he was understanding. He agreed that I should have the baby, but he too is unsure about whether or not adoption is the best choice. Although it was nice, he basically said we’ll get married once we’re 18 if we keep it, so it sounds like he’ll be committed if we decide adoption isn’t a possibility. For those of you who were wondering, he’s currently a junior at my school’s brother school. He’s 17. He’s pretty smart, but nothing outstanding. I think he intends on going to Michigan if he’s accepted next year. He wants to go into business. So he definitely has a promising future. Thinking it over, there’s a strong chance that’s where I’ll end up for undergrad (as someone suggested), and I may have to put H on hold until grad school (and maybe my boyfriend can have motivation to do really well at Michigan too for this reason).</p>
<p>I haven’t yet told my parents, and I doubt he’s told his. We talked for a long time and we still didn’t know just how to approach it with them. We were thinking about getting them all together and telling them, instead of each doing it separately. Would this be a good idea? Does anyone have any suggestions? Again: really, truly, thank you.</p>
<p>There sure is no easy way to tell either set of parents. I don’t know about orchestrating a get together to tell them – either set of parents might not react well… his parents might blame you for “trapping him” or something, I suspect your parents are just going to p***ed. This is really huge, lifechanging news (and will not be considered good news, I suspect). People can react in a very raw and negative way when they first get this info. I sort of think allowing private reactions within the families might be better for your relationship with each other’s family in the long term. </p>
<p>I would suggest that you tell your parents first. Whether you want to have him there or not is your choice, you know your parents best. What I suspect you don’t want is him telling first, and then his parents calling your parents. And now that he knows, he might have a really hard time keeping it to himself… whether he tells them, his best buddy, a sibling, etc.</p>
<p>Today actually might be a good day to do it. Tomorrow is likely a holiday from work for your parents, so they don’t have to go into work reeling from this news (and they will be reeling, there is no doubt).</p>
<p>I’m really worried they’ll never think of me the same way again. And especially for the rest of my time living with them, there will just be an elephant in the room. For all they know, I’m still a virgin. :(</p>
<p>Oh, believe me, you are correct. But that does not mean that they won’t still love you. I think they probably will be very disappointed. Here is the thing, though. If you are mature enough to have sex and get pregnant, you have to step up and be mature enough to admit it for the sake of the baby. They are going to find out anyway. Do what is right now by starting the conversation and getting yourself & the baby the medical care that you need.</p>
<p>I sincerely wish you best of luck. Hopefully we’ll meet at Harvard in a couple years =)</p>
<p>You’re absolutely right intparent. I’m pretty sure I’ll do it today.</p>
<p>addy: haha, yeah I hope so!</p>
<p>If it’s a girl, here are my favorite names: Olivia, Sophia, Eloise (Ellie), Jacqueline, Eleanor (Ellie), Chloe, Bailey, Sarabeth, Charlotte, Lola. For boys, I like Matthew, Stephen, Nicholas, Christopher.</p>
<p>^ Oh hahaha thanks I guess. That is, if I even get to name it.</p>
<p>i now what your trying to say durkadurka123, you think i havent matured yet and dont like anyone but i do.
worriedkid725 is just giving me an example how if you really care about your future, u dont do the mistake she did.
if you trully cared, you woudn’t let your hormones all out and would think about it.</p>
<p>worriedkid725, you should bring both parents together for dinner or something and then tell them with your boyfriend. it will be more easier for you standing with him, to tell your parents.
i guess etheir you both take a chance and take care of him together, maybe put him in a day care center and your parents could pay for it. then when you come from university, you’ll be able to pick your baby up.
your second option is adoption, i suggest you dont adopt your baby. your going to tell me thats its for the best that he has better parents waiting to take care of him but im sure when your baby grows, he’d want to know he’s real parents and would have a very hard time not being with you, knowing that you made him.
please take care of him, i suggest you dont adopt.</p>
<p>Honestly, I would prefer to be told privately by my child. And I would do the same with any family member so that the raw reaction can be tempered. When you are dealing with outside the family, spontaneous reactions might be such that they cause resentment for a long, long time. Your parents can vent and get whatever out of their system and then get it together for the meeting with boyrfriend and his parents. I believe that one small gift you can give them. The privacy of their home and family. </p>
<p>My friend’s husband took the news very poorly and he is the person many would say could weather it. He became quite ill that night and had a heart attack either then or the next day, and now 4 years later it still hurts him. Yes, it changed things for his son tremendously, and though he loves his son and grandson, there are those regrets. </p>
<p>I don’t think I would want the pressure of having to be the host or guest to others when this news is broken. You and your boyfriend should plan on having all parties meet but only after both sets of parents are privately told by their own kids so that they can absorb the news and pull it together.</p>
<p>Good point, cpt. I intend to tell them today; I’m not sure if I want my bf there or not. Your friend had a similar situation with her child?</p>
<p>WK725, going to an elite school isn’t the first thing you need to deal with right now. Worrying about getting into Harvard right now is rather like being in the midst of a fire and worrying about your overdue library books. You have significant life choices ahead of you - terminate, keep and give up for adoption, keep and raise, and if the latter, whether you do so married to the father or by yourself. Figure out those first, and THEN figure out how, where and which college fits into the plan.</p>
<p>I’m definitely keeping it, and I’ll probably end up raising it with my bf (we plan on getting married after HS). But, yes, I agree that Harvard isn’t first-priority.</p>
<p>It may very well be that you and your bf (eventual husband) will live locally and have to work out some way of commuting to a local college or even a CC, because you’re going to have to support that child. Yes, that’s a “dream blown,” but that’s part of what you sign up for when you make the choice to keep / raise instead of give for adoption or terminate. Every choice has consequences to it.</p>
<p>Actually, we’re pretty fortunate that UofM is about 45 minutes away from our homes. We’ll probably live on some sort of married-student housing there. For us, a CC really wouldn’t be an option.</p>
<p>WK725, I went to U of Mich (also grew up about the same distance from it that you live, although I am sure not in the same town, as we had NO good high schools – public or private – in our town). You really need to take this one step at a time, babies are SO MUCH WORK. I can’t really imagine trying to go to school there full time as an 18 year old with a 1 year old, with a husband the same age. It isn’t Harvard, but it is still very hard work (I happen to have graduated from the same school your bf aspires to attend within Michigan, so I know exactly how much work). </p>
<p>I know you also don’t want to hear this, but in the US about 50% of marriages between people 19 years old or younger end in divorce. You are making a decision for the next 70 years of your life if you marry your bf. Also… he is standing with you now, but things may not look the same in two years, especially after the stress of pregnancy, birth, and caring for the baby. The fun part of your relationship will be very limited, replaced by a lot of work. If you choose to keep the baby, realistically you need to be sure that you are capable of raising it by yourself if necessary.</p>
<p>I have a niece who became pregnant while in college. She took many years to finish her degree (not at her original college), and has to live in a part of the country that she would rather not live in because the baby’s father provides a fair amount of support (but only if she lives there, he will only provide the minimum required by law if she moves). Being a single parent of a small boy has been a very tough life for her, and not at all what she planned for herself.</p>
<p>One more thing you need to be prepared for is that not every baby is born completely healthy. When I was pregnant, that was a concern for me. Would my H and I be able to care for a baby that had some kind of serious health problem? Fortunately we did not have any serious issues like that, but sometimes things happen.</p>
<p>Do you think if we waited until we’ve finished undergrad it’ll last? I mean, I truly love him, but I’m not going to completely turn a cold shoulder to that statistic. I know Michigan’s a lot of work, but we really both are smart people. We likely won’t be able to participate on many ECs during college, but I have confidence that, if we’re together, we can pull off the workload. And obviously being close to home will help. I also have a twin sister, so if she ends up going, that’s 3 people who can help out with the baby.</p>
<p>Also, it might be worth mentioning that my dad and his wife pulled this off during grad school at a top-20 university (CMU), both with rigorous workloads. They had my half-sister then and raised her; he then got a job and they pursued life as any normal couple would, just being a bit younger than her peers’ parents. She turned out fine and things worked out for them.</p>
<p>I have no idea. I suppose statistically your chances might go up. But if you aren’t living together at college, then all the baby work in the evenings and at night falls on… you. (Spoken by a parent who had one child who did not sleep though the night until she was 6…). If you do move in together, I assume your relationship will be so similar to being married that your odds wouldn’t be too different. </p>
<p>A fellow 18 year old somewhere on the same campus isn’t going to be a huge help. Maybe 4-6 hours a week of babysitting, but she will have her own life.</p>
<p>I think you need to talk with your parents and get through your pregnancy before you make too many plans for college. If you choose to keep the baby, that first six months of baby care is going to give you an idea of whether you could realistically attend a difficult college away from home with a baby in tow or not.</p>
<p>Don’t close the door on the idea of adoption yet, either. It isn’t the greatest life for a baby to be raised by two (or one if your bf isn’t so engaged) teens. You need to think long and hard about how it would be for a baby to be raised with parents who had stable income, a house, and a relationship that had matured prior to bringing in a little third party tyrant. With open adoption, you can pick a Catholic family if that is important to you.</p>
<p>A note on your parent, grad students are typically 23 and older. You guys are 6-7 years younger right now. That is a huge difference in your maturity levels. And… she is your half sister, they didn’t stay married, right? Even with that 6-7 year headstart. One thing you have to be really honest about (and your bf does, too) is how much you are going to resent the baby for taking away so much of your time and your dreams. You WILL have some resentment (possibly for the next 20 years), some days it will be overwhelming. You need to do a lot of thinking about whether that is the best parenting situation for your baby, too.</p>