<p>I don't know what to do.
Really need some good advice that will help me out. </p>
<p>I met this great guy in my class but it started out with a lie.
We met in calculas class and we were waiting for the professor outside of his office before office hours. He asked if I have taken Calculus before, I have and I got a C-. It was the semester right before. But I just said I have taken in it high school and acted like it was my first time taking it in college. I know that's really stupid and thoughtless of me. I realize that now. But at the time I just wanted to save my face and didn't want to appear stupid because he appeared like one of those students who is really smart and consistent with their grades. </p>
<p>So that was my first lie. </p>
<p>And then next time we were getting coffee and he asked where I lived. I right now live with my parents because I can't afford to live on campus. But I just said I live in the dorms. I don't know why...I am so disgusted with myself now.
Feeling super guilty about everything. </p>
<p>I will be moving to campus next year because I have enough money saved and I probably won't have class with him again. Should I just learn my lesson from this incident or should I tell him that I lied? I want to and don't want at the same time.
If I tell him I lied he is going to look at me like I am a liar and things are going to get pretty awkward. I am thinking of just not running into him again and not become friends even though I want to. After all my school has tens and thousands of students. So plenty of people to make friends with. And I don't think he will ever find that I lied but still I feel guilty and punish myself for what I did. </p>
<p>Seriously what should I do?
Please give some honest good advice that will help me out. </p>
<p>I too cannot figure out why you would lie about those things that don’t really mean anything. But you cannot change the past.</p>
<p>So what I think you should do now is tell him. Not only would you be honest to him, but also to yourself. He may hate you, or he may respect you for owning up to what you did. Either way, learn from this and don’t make this mistake in the future. Creating a relationship based on lies is no better than being single in my opinion.</p>
<p>I understand why you lied. You lied because you want to make yourself look good because making friends is difficult in college. Don’t feel bad about it. </p>
<p>Honestly these things are so small. If you honestly believe he will never find out (why would he?)- don’t bother telling him. What difference does it make? A lot of people tell white lies to make themselves look better. You may be surprised. Don’t beat yourself up. Darth33bagger- their relationship is not based on lies. The OP lied about two minor and insignificant details. Who cares? Let it go. </p>
<p>If it makes you feel better- I can’t imagine why anyone would get upset if you wanted to tell the truth. Though honestly I don’t think you need to…? It seems very trivial, don’t you think?</p>
<p>I, personally, value truth and honestly above all else. I am the type of person that is direct in conversation because I want people to be direct with me. Even the smallest lie is not being honest and direct with me. </p>
<p>It can also lead to a slippery slope. If she’ll lie about something as insignificant as living at home or retaking calculus, who’s to say she won’t lie about more important things later on? I personally wouldn’t want to have to deal with someone relationship wise that is so insecure with themselves that they have to lie about little things during our first or second meeting, but each to their own I guess.</p>
<p>Hey, thanks guys.
I feel really guilty but I am not going to beat myself over it anymore.
I am just gonna learn from my mistake and never lie to someone i like again.
Trust is one of the keys to any friendship.
I don’t think I will tell him because I don’t deserve to be his friend.
I mean I don’t think I can be friends with him knowing that I lied even if I told him and he forgave. I am not a liar, I tell the truth 99% of the time. I think it was my stupid ego that got in the way. Anyways, I decided to not tell him and just keep my distance. I think he likes me…but if I tell him I lied he probably will be super disappointed. I am just glad this happened when I wasn’t in a relationship. Lesson learned and moving on.</p>
<p>^It’s great and all that you’re so upfront with everyone, but you’re likely going to have an impossible time trying to find someone who doesn’t lie at all. People lie about things all the time, and for the most part, it doesn’t ruin relationships, assuming the lies are small enough. And also, little lies do not lead to larger ones. If that was the case, I’d be telling everyone that I am John from Sweden by this point.</p>
<p>To the OP: do what you feel. I wouldn’t be upset per se if somebody told me (s)he lied about that stuff, merely perplexed as to why (s)he felt (s)he need to tell me that (s)he lied, and why (s)he lied in the first place. On the other hand, I can’t imagine it mattering if you don’t tell him.</p>
<p>RyanMK,
Yeah, small white lies are sometimes needed to make a friendship work.
Like if your friend is not smart, you tell them you can do it, I beleive in you even if you feel otherwise. If you have an ugly friend, you tell them they’re beautiful in their own way. Those are positive lies that make people feel good and motivate them.
But I still think that I did a horrible thing by lying. The only concern for me not telling is if he finds out. But that’s going to be hard because our school has so many students. Well thanx anyways, I agree, he is a pretty nice guy and I think even if he finds out it won’t be a big deal and life goes on.
Important thing is I learn my lesson and never mess up this bad.</p>
<p>Have you considered that he might not even remember what you lied about? Since you don’t see much of each other and he has probably been meeting people all the time because it is such a large school, he probably doesn’t even remember the details of your conversation. That could be a possibility.</p>
<p>So, you could say that you have been planning on living in the dorms and that is why you said that. It is partly true right? You just haven’t been able to get in there as soon as you wanted. If you become friends it really isn’t that big of a deal that you lied about the calculus class. You could even tell him that you lied and make it like a joke. Just laugh and move onto another subject.</p>
<p>Just don’t lie about stupid stuff that doesn’t matter anyway. People can relate to others that have issues similar to their own. So, you are not a math whiz, maybe you are much better in language classes or something else, it is not a big deal. I never even made it to calculus and i have a 4 year degree. I am just full of brilliance as well, so don’t judge your brain power by your math class abilities.</p>
<p>B. He will not want to be your friend. But as you said, your school has tons of people so its not like you can never make another friend.</p>
<ol>
<li>Don’t tell him</li>
</ol>
<p>A. I don’t see how he would ever happen to randomly find out.</p>
<p>B. You can ignore him… which is moronic.</p>
<p>C. Keep talking to him, next year you will be living in dorms, right? So, it won’t really matter. Plus, Calc will be over, so that is irrelevant as well.</p>
<p>Wow.
Thanks guys.
I have been beating myself over this for a while.
I think I have been way too hard on myself. I think the biggest problem is that I can’t forgive myself for what I did because usually I am a very honest person and this was one of those stupid mistakes. I really regret it. But I can’t regret it forever I guess. At some point I got to move on, forgive myself most importantly and get on with my life.
I am a good person and I don’t think this one mistake defines who I am. I feel like I have been way to harsh on myself telling myself I am a horrible disgusting liar. I made a mistake and I learned from it. It would be great if I had the courage to tell him. But I might have a class with him next year, he asked me to be in his Physics class. I was going to pass because I didn’t want to stay in touch with him but now I might. I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Wait I think I am going back to I don’t know again. Hopefully I can figure something out. But thank you so much guys. Your advice was so helpful and gave me a lot of insight and wisdom. Thank you Thank you! :)</p>
<p>I just did something like this the other day. I was with a small group of friends whom I don’t know that well. We were all talking about our plans for the summer, and I said I wanted to keep doing volunteer work. Someone asked me where I volunteered, and instead of saying the truth (at a small art store), I said that I volunteer at the hospital. I guess I was insecure because I felt that my volunteering wasn’t “impressive” enough. For some reason, my mind just jumped to something that seemed better because I wanted the people I was with to think well of me. </p>
<p>It’s silly, but doing things like that isn’t uncommon. Plenty of people get nervous or insecure and say minor untruths. Don’t lie anymore, but try not to beat yourself up over it either. Being dishonest isn’t okay, but you didn’t do it to hurt anyone. If you feel like you must tell him, say that you lied because you felt nervous and try to laugh it off. He might think it’s a little weird, but I doubt he’s going to be angry or hold it against you. And if you do want to be his friend, try not to avoid him because you feel bad about this. Two small, insignificant lies isn’t worth losing a potential friend over.</p>
<p>If I want to tell him, I will have to wait couple of months because I am going out of the country for three months!!! So this will probably have to wait until next school year. Hopefully he forgets by then…or I act like I don’t remember what I said. That’s my solution…because I don’ have the balls to tell him I lied. >:(</p>
<p>Yeah, I am not gonna tell him anything. I agree, I think I was just blowing things out of proportion. Not gonna lie to him again. Thanks!!! You guys have been very helpful.
Super awesome.</p>
Hopefully I can figure something out. But thank you so much guys. Your advice was so helpful and gave me a lot of insight and wisdom. Thank you Thank you! :)</p>