<p>I very much dislike the student LOR that Dartmouth requires. Most kids ask a friend who is also a senior and that friend has way more things to deal with than writing a LOR for their friend. Most take it very seriously and stress a lot about writing it. My daughter had to ask a friend and it was very uncomfortable for both of them.</p>
<p>I think that the comments on this forum that suggest that low-income parents (or low-income friends) can’t provide insightful information about an applicant are patronizing. As I’ve noted earlier, some of the best parent letters I read at Smith came from those whose grammar and spelling were poor or whose English was broken. Yet they were still able to make astute observations.</p>
<p>The only real worry about an uneven playing field in this department is that parents with limited language skills or who lack confidence in their ability to be part of the college process won’t write the letter in the first place. But keep in mind that, while a parent letter can help to flesh out a student profile, not having one in the folder won’t disadvantage the applicant. And, as amtch aptly pointed out above:</p>
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<p>I hate this idea but imagine helicopter parents love it. I foresee parent interviews in the not to distant future.</p>
<p>I wrote a letter for my daughter’s GC to give additional info with the LOR’s. I then used the same basic approach when I was asked to send an optional parent letter to one of the schools she applied to. I thought it was a nice way to give them more information about my D who thinks that writing about herself is bragging. I didn’t spend a lot of time on it (and even later found a small typo), but I doubt that it will be the make-or-break factor. I also was not tempted to lie, with so many true good things to say and not a lot of room to say it in, what would be the point in making something up? It was a good process for me and my D enjoyed reading it later.</p>
<p>Another thought: I understand my S so much better than I understand my D. I get what makes him tick, I have a good handle on how he views the world and his place in it, and I have a clear picture of what makes him unique as compared to his peers. We are both analytical and think in similar ways, so writing about him for the high school guidance counselor was a snap. My D is, in many ways, a mystery to me. She is more intuitive than I and less chatty, so I can’t say I have a good grasp of how she thinks nor what motivates her. Just when I think I sort of have her figured out, I realize I don’t. Writing about her for the GC was a real bear. Yet, she is smart and possibly more talented across the board than my son.</p>
<p>From amtc:
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<p>None of D’s schools asked for a parent LOR, but her GC asked the parents to write a “brag” sheet (I hate that title) which we handed in to the GC before any college apps had been submitted. It was supposed to be the parent’s chance to let the GC know about anything the student might not include in their essay or application. I wrote about how close D was to her dad, and how his cancer diagnosis made her childhood a little less carefree than her peers. </p>
<p>I think a parental letter is useful if it gives the GC or ad com some insight they wouldn’t get from the student’s application.</p>
<p>I wrote a “recommended” parent letter for my S. I assumed that the admissions people wouldn’t care about how well I write, but were just looking for some extra, nuanced, not by the numbers info about the applicant. </p>
<p>I also wondered if they compared it to S’s essays to see if he’d gotten parental “help” on his essays. This particular son actually has a writing style very similar to mine, and I found myself worrying about that, even though I hadn’t yet seen his essays (I saw them after we had both submitted our parts. He never did see what I wrote). In the end, I didn’t worry about any of that and just wrote some anecdotes that showed glimpses of some of S’s more personal qualities (helpfulness, humor, curiosity, etc).</p>
<p>“not having one in the folder won’t disadvantage the applicant.”</p>
<p>A missed opportunity to flesh out the application is a disadvantage in my book. One student who babysit for a cancer victim gets points because her savvy mom told you about it; another who did something similar fails to get those points because her mom didn’t write a letter. The second student is at a disadvantage relative to the first.</p>
<p>Maybe the effect of the disadvantage can only be measured in angels dancing on a pin, but it looks to me like it is there.</p>
<p>The only time I wrote a parent letter was when it was an option given by Smith for D1. i liked the idea. However, I would not submit such a letter to a school that did not request it. But I do think a letter from a parent (even if not well written) can provide insights about the student that the other documents don’t. Like some say, even some guidance counselors ask parents to write THEM a letter to help them write their rec. Some are lamenting that parents are biased and so on, but these letters do NOT replace the other recs or GC report, or interview report, but are just one more piece that may offer insights from a different vantage point about the student.</p>
<p>None of the schools my student considered asked for a parent letter.</p>
<p>A parent letter could be helpful and insightful…
and
could also hurt and application…if the letter lacks humility and reflection.</p>
<p>Hanna–How about all the applicants who get thorough, knowledgeable recommendations from their guidance counselors vs. those whose counselors can’t pick them out in a line-up? This disparity affects a big percentage of high school students … far more than the parent-letter issue will ever touch. </p>
<p>And how about the kids who get Teacher X who gives the easy A while others are stuck with Teacher Y across the hall who awards almost no A’s at all? </p>
<p>There are tons of inequities in this process, wrongs that can never be righted. But it seems a shame to shut the door on a valuable opportunity just because there won’t be a parent letter in every folder.</p>
<p>My guess is that almost every admission official who has read parent letters would agree that these references are a plus, despite the criticisms–albeit sometimes valid–that are aimed at the letters by outsiders.</p>
<p>My D applied to Smith (and subsequently attended there), so H and I did receive a request for such a letter. We worked on it together, and did share it with D, who appreciated it. For us, it was a meaningful family experience at a significant time. I will have to pull it out now to reread it. </p>
<p>My issue is that I have long yearned for such a letter **from D about us <a href=“basically%20a%20testimonial%20to%20what%20great%20parents%20we%20have%20been!%20;”>/B</a> ) and I am still waiting, my hints not having yet hit the mark. Guess we should have demanded it at the time, as a trade for the letter we wrote for Smith. ;)</p>
<p>One was requested (optional) and I wrote one for my D for Duke. Her schools GC was at a GC conference, dont remember the details, but other GC’s wondered what was the secret. The Duke adcom said he remembered D’s parent letter.</p>
<p>FWIW, I think a parent hanging out on CC would be at an advantage as well. Certainly helped to have hung around here when writing the letter.</p>
<p>Joyner, great idea about having the kids write us a letter.</p>
<p>I think sending a parent recommendation when it’s required looks really stupid. I mean, is a parent really going to be that honest? I think there are some advantages to hearing from parents, but I don’t think they outweigh the negatives.</p>
<p>I think my kid is special and wouldn’t have had a bit of trouble telling any adcom exactly how special, had I been asked. Alas, I wasn’t. I’m sure my D thinks that’s just as well. Echoing @oldfort from some pages ago, it wouldn’t have occurred to me to lie or even embellish. I wouldn’t have thought it was my role to amplify the quantitative parts of her application but rather to fill out the qualitative parts of it in a way no one else could. I do understand the objections many people have expressed. I just see more potential positives than negatives.</p>
<p>As for a letter from our kids: I got a letter from my daughter for mother’s day about four years ago. Best gift ever. Funny, sweet, perceptive. I’d say I cherish it but I just went to look for it and can’t seem to find it! It’ll turn up. Anyway, it was much better than the birthday card she made for me about seven years ago: “Mom, I have good news. You’re 46!”</p>
<p>I never got a recommendation request and never volunteered to write a recommendation letter about my kids. But I have a much better idea <a href=“in%20case%20any%20adcoms%20is%20reading%20this”>b</a>**. Ask the parent to write a letter to their son/daughter. First of all, that’s much more personal, instead of a letter to some stranger. And, you’d really get to know not only the parent and the child, but what their relationship is like.</p>
<p>I, too, thought Smith was nuts to solicit a bunch of brags. But when I actually sat down to put pen to paper (metaphorically speaking, sniff sniff), a jumble of emotions came over me. It’s hard to explain, but as others have said, I wasn’t tempted to say anything but the unvarnished truth (I probably should have varnished or omitted a few things!).</p>
<p>Sally, I enjoyed the exercise (and it does result in a sweet keepsake), and I am glad to hear you say how helpful a parent rec can be to the admissions team. But the majority of responses here touch on various concerns that make me wonder if there is a short answer or single, narrow question format that might make it easier and less intimidating for parents to participate, yet still offer valuable perspective. True confessions, I used a non-traditional format precisely to avoid the stress of writing The Perfect Letter…and I am on the low-key end of the CC parent spectrum! </p>
<p>Kudos on the shout out as well as your articulate comment!</p>
<p>Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk</p>
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<p>Never had to write a LOR for kids’ college apps, but our GCs ask parents to fill out a questionnaire about their kids that they used to get a feel for other parts of the kids’ lives. I was able to tell stories that illustrate characteristics of my kids–things a GC wouldn’t know. I can only hope that the GCs used some of that material.</p>
<p>As a compromise, our HS GC asks parents to write a letter or info about the student that would help the GC write a more personalized and useful letter. We took that opportunity to help highlight some things for GC that S probably has never highlighted. I believe quite a few other HSs do this in some way or another. The GC had to write for over 200 students, so it was a pretty big HS but the notes from the parents were a helpful tool/resource, I believe.</p>