<p>As I wait in the sweltering Southern heat for late August and the beginning of my first year of college, I have been anxious and nervous. As a more pressing concern, I feel like a treasonous traitor to a wonderful gift I have been given. I will be attending my college, Haverford, on a full scholarship thanks to the generosity of Haverford and the QuestBridge foundation. I leaped for joy and (almost) cried when I got a call from Haverford on December 1st, 2008 that I was a QuestBridge scholar. But I am feeling this ridiculous tinge of regret; I have begun to question myself. "Did I really want to leave my family and community? Shouldn't I have gone to UNC-Chapel Hill like the rest of my friends?" My little sister began to cry today when she asked me how soon I am leaving for Pennsylvania. I'm tired of explaining to everyone I meet that Haverford is, in fact, not Harvard. I go to Haverford-College-A-Small-Liberal-Arts-College-Outside-Of-Philadelphia. I am worried about being able to find employment back home in North Carolina with an unknown degree. My (single parent) mother has MS and is getting progressively worse; she will not be with me and my three other siblings much longer. Can I just transfer to UNC after freshman year and go to the Business School? I noticed that the banks in Charlotte recruit heavily from there. I'll be closer to home if anything bad happens. </p>
<p>I've been here on CC for two years. I read extensively on top tier liberal arts colleges, scholarships for low-income students, etc. and now I am on the verge of fully realizing my dreams. I just gave the valedictory address at my high school graduation on Saturday, and August is drawing near while I drive myself into an emotional pit that is incredibly irrational in light of the gifts that have been bestowed upon me.</p>
<p>I don’t mean this in a bad way, but if I were you I’d try to find my way to a good psychologist ASAP to help you to resolve this issue. If you don’t know how to find someone, PM me and I’ll give it a try for you.</p>
<p>Oh, Sligh. I’m so sorry about your mother. Pennsylvania isn’t that far from North Carolina-- you can drive it in half a day. Were you thinking about living at home? Because if you were thinking about going to UNC-Chapel Hill and living on campus, it’s basically the same as being in Philadelphia.</p>
<p>Does your mom want you to stay at home, living with your family?</p>
<p>It’s fairly common for over the summer rising college freshmen to have second thoughts about the colleges they’ve selected. After all, choosing a college usually is the first time that students have had to make a big decision. Usually those concerns vanish after they get to college. </p>
<p>Take things one day at a time. No reason to worry now about getting a job back in N.C. after college graduation when for all you know, by then, you may prefer to live in another part of the country. If your mom has the typical type of MS, she also may improve. If her health gets worse and you decide to transfer, as long as your grades are good, that shouldn’t be a problem. </p>
<p>If your anxiety doesn’t resolve by the time you go to college then take advantage of the counseling services on campus, which probably are free and excellent.</p>
<p>Oh, Sligh, I am so sorry that you are not feeling more sure of yourself. I read, and re-read your post and I wish there was a way to just take away your worries. I understand your reluctance to leave your mom, it would be so difficult with her having MS. My father-in-law had MS for many years before he passed away and I am very familiar with how debilitating it can be.I know the progress of the disease varies greatly from person to person, but sometimes there are periods of deterioration followed by remission or at least stabilization.</p>
<p>If you were my child, I would want you to take this opportunity. I would want you to visit over holidays, but I would not be happy knowing that you were staying close by because of my health. Both schools are wonderful places and if you really believe you would be happier at UNC, then investigate what you would have to do to transfer. On the other hand, living somewhere else for a couple of years would broaden your perspective.</p>
<p>Why don’t you check in with the UNC office just so you know what would be required, but then try to look forward to this new venture. Yes you have been given a wonderful gift, but you have also been given a difficult burden. Please be at peace whatever choice you make.</p>
<p>Sligh, one of my best friends went from Arkansas to Haverford on the same kind of deal you have. He felt nervous and anxious before going, too, and no one he had ever met knew anything about the place. It was a completely life-changing experience for him. He is the world’s biggest Haverford fan, has been on its board of trustees, etc. He is a very successful guy who has always been involved in public service as well; he has a great family, a great home, a great relationship with his parents and relatives, a daughter going to college (not at Haverford, but at another LAC) this year.</p>
<p>Like JHS, I live in Philadelphia quite near to Haverford. In fact, I worked there many moons ago. I can assure you it is an amazing school and you will not find a more warm, caring community. Haverford does a particularly good job of welcoming in its freshmen during their orientation, too. And believe me, around here, no one mistakes Haverford for Harvard. I recently drove from Philly to visit a niece who is in grad school at UNC. It’s not a spur-of-the-moment “I think I’ll drive home” today trip, but it is doable. The jitters are understandable, but you won’t be sorry if you hang in there.</p>
<p>I agree with ivoryk, the jitters are completely normal. (Clearly extenuated by your family situation.) Although Haverford may be farther away from home, you’ll be able to get support you need from the College, if circumstances at home change. (Get to know your dean.)</p>
<p>As for returning to NC, I actually know a couple of folks from NC who went to Haverford and returned to NC. If you private chat me I can give you more detail. They have all loved HC and had great careers. (I know some that have stayed on the East Coast as well.) You can always go back to UNC or Duke for grad school if that’s what you want, but you never know where life will take you.</p>
<p>As the eldest child in your family it may be hard to leave, but I think you are giving your siblings are great gift (in the long-term)… that is seeing a role model who can actually (gasp!) leave the state for higher education, showing them that the whole world is their oyster, showing them that dreams can come true.</p>
<p>As for the description, youif I were you I’d say it’s similar to Davidson, but outside of Philly. And, if they don’t know Davidson or Haverford, then you have to accept the fact that not everyone knows about elite colleges. (That doesn’t mean that the schools aren’t elite.) At the end of the day, the barber may not know, but I care that dean of admissions at Duke Law knows… You get my point. </p>
<p>I sincerely doubt that you’ll regret your decision. Haverford is an amazing place and opens incredible doors. You owe it to yourself to walk through them and take advantage. You’ve worked too hard not to do so. Go in with an open mind and open heart.</p>
<p>Hey Sligh, it’s ok. You’re normal. Congratulations! Everyone is anxious when it’s time to make such a great transition, and letting go is agonizing for moms, even if the college is pretty close. You’re all feeling normal things and you’ll all get through it. I promise.</p>
<p>The opportunity before you is priceless and you will see and learn things that you never could in NC, simply because you’re trying something new. Haverford is a very well-known and well-respected college and you’ll make connections that will last you for the rest of your life. And no debt!</p>
<p>You made the right decision, it will all work out, but the next couple of months are going to be hard. No matter where you had gone to college. Think of it this way, if you had stayed local you would worry about getting the best education and opportunity. When going off to college, there is ALWAYS something to worry about, it’s just a matter of what the specific worry is for each family. It’s ok to be scared, it’s ok for your mom to be anxious and even grieving for her baby. I was the younger sibling left behind, and my youngest is much younger than older sibling, so I can tell you that leaving is hard for siblings too. Think about what you can do to stay connected, things you can all do together this summer to get you ready.</p>
<p>Good luck Sligh, and remember, you made the right decision. I’ll be looking for your post around this time next year telling us how happy and successful you’ve been at Haverford, because I know that’s what will happen!</p>
<p>Thanks to everyone for their advice; I appreciate it a great deal. I am incredibly happy to know that you all think I have made the right decision. I knew it was the right decision in the depths of me, but there are always those odd life circumstances that force you to question major decisions. And I must admit, this was the first real ‘major’ decision I’ve made in my life. Thanks again.</p>
<p>Sligh, we understand your concern and I understand your feelings. My DD, although not matched, was a QB finalist. She is also from N.C. and although accepted at UNC will attend the University of Chicago. You would not believe the folks who have never heard of UChicago. </p>
<p>I think your feelings are perfectly normal and understandable and your anxiety is to be expected. You will get to Haverford and knock their socks off! Your postings show you are a great kid (forgive my presumptuousness). You were matched by QB for all the right reasons. You might call the QB office - they have come across your situation before I am sure. </p>
<p>Forge ahead young man and in the immortal words of Dr. Seuss “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” </p>
<p>Sligh, congratulations on the wonderful opportunity to attend Haverford! D1 is a member of the Class of 2008…and had a terrific college experience during her 4 yrs. You know yourself better than anyone else, so go with your gut…and, always look forward to the next “opportunity.” Best of luck to you!</p>
<p>(BTW, you will be amazed how many people DO recognize Haverford. Everytime I wear a Ford t-shirt, someone approaches me about it. The last time at Starbucks, a young lady came up and introduced herself as a 'Ford grad in 2004 and about to move to NYC for grad school. Even in Los Angeles… )</p>
<p>As the others have said: Haverford is well known. A lot of kids are very nervous and unsure the summer between high school and college.</p>
<p>You have unique challenges though. Hang in there. Give Haverford a good try. Stay in close touch with home. And please, keep us posted on how things are going. Best wishes.</p>
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