<p>Please do not worry about your D's shyness. I was shy until I finally felt like I "fit," which was college. Your D may take longer to find that fit; that's okay. She will be fine. Encourage her to seize every opportunity that comes her way that is of interest to her. In other words, she doesn't have to do "certain" things ... she just has to do something that appeals to her. Maybe she'll find that she likes working in a lab, or working in an art gallery, or a library, or as a tutor, or ... whatever. The important thing is for her to find something she likes to do & do it. Also encourage her to do internships and co-ops, if at all possible. </p>
<p>As for being "behind," please assure her she will not be. You could do some internet searching for her. Find grad programs in the field she wants to study. Many schools will post a list of the undergrad colleges their graduate students attended. She will realize that there are lots of schools listed she's never even heard of. That will help her, I'm sure.</p>
<p>If finances are a problem for you, please be careful about encouraging her to transfer. Many schools known for good aid are not so wonderful with aid for transfers. While many schools do have transfer scholarships, most of the "top" schools do not. Before thinking about transferring to a particular school, your D needs to research aid policies for transfer students. There is no use yearning for something that isn't going to work out.</p>
<p>Just keep telling her she is a terrific girl who will meet other terrific people. Remind her that she has to open herself up to others in order to connect with them. Tell her that ... while it might seem many students already have friends with them at school ... there are plenty who do NOT & who will welcome having a friend to hang out with. Let her know that the possibilities of meeting nice people & learning great things are there for her at THIS school ... if she only will relax and allow them to happen for her.</p>
<p>Sounds like your D has some understandable anxiety which may be showing up as buyer's remorse. May I gently suggest that you give her a hug and tell her how proud you are of her? She sounds like a wonderful girl (great HS record, cares about stress on mom's budget, wants to go on to grad school) and she may really appreciate hearing positive words of encouragement from you.</p>
<p>Sometimes, it's not really a problem they want us to solve--but a sympathetic ear and support.</p>
<p>Best of luck. I think she may surprise herself and come to love this school.</p>
<p>Thanks to all of you who gave advice. I talked to her and I think she's calmed down a bit. At least now she's started packing.</p>
<p>I would add, if she could look now, online, at the lists of student clubs, activities and organizations and consider if one or two might be appealing, that could lead to some social contacts. Even someone socially awkward could belong to a club that watches funny movies or whatever. She also may be a person who just doesn't need many social outlets and will find her joy in resaerch or other scholarly activities.</p>
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I completely understand this, as I live in a similar area. I was at a youth retreat, and the adults were talking amongst themselves, mentioning that anyone who didn't go to the state uni was all but insane, wasting their parents money, and couldn't have any legitimate reason for choosing another school. Awkwardly enough, two of the three seniors headed to college were going oos (and myself to a private). Furthermore, the two of us were in the room... that wasn't all that fun.
I know a lot of classmates that made the same decision your daughter did and at least one of them is really worried. However, she's agreed to at least stick it out for an entire year before considering transferring.</p>
<p>oh wow. well since she did get into a college, just be supportive of her choice. she's extremely lucky to go to college and even though she wanted to go to her dream school, a brand name school isn't everything.</p>