<p>Actually, I don't think that schools look unfavorably on a gap year at all. Especially in a case like this, where there were some behavioral red flags in the record, a year off, taking classes, or working could be good not just for chances of getting into Wharton, but other places, too. Then, being able to write a new essay with the benefit of another year showing diligence, reliablilty, work experience, new recs etc. could be all his app needs. Lots of schools think very highly of the gap year in cases like that.</p>
<ol>
<li> Two suspensions</li>
<li> "Why Wharton" </li>
<li> It's called the Wharton School, not the Wharton School of Business - you should at least have the name right if you want to go there</li>
<li> You don't "walk the Locust," but that did make me laugh.</li>
<li> I think there are some personality concerns.</li>
</ol>
<p>I would talk to your regional director, but I don't think you should take a gap year and reapply. The two suspensions are enough and a gap year won't erase them.</p>
<p>first of all your ACT scores are pretty low...got a 32 on my first practice test</p>
<p>also 10 B's...thats pretty bad</p>
<p>Is it these little things that matter that much?</p>
<p>Titling my essay Wharton instead of Penn?
Saying Wharton School of Business instead of Wharton School?
What's wrong with walk the locust? Locust-walk..walk the locust</p>
<p>And saying that I "kicked out my tenants" and "nobody liked me"?--i don't see how that shows i'm a "somewhat negative" person</p>
<p>In addition to what everyone else has mentioned, you need to look at your essay on your suspensions: It sounds extremely contrite. As I read through the essay it smacked of sarcasm.
Also, I think you should look at some other schools, I have a feeling that you're only setting yourself up for a bigger disappointment if you take a whole year with a focus on getting into Wharton.</p>
<p>In addition to what everyone else said, I think a lot of small problems with your essays killed your chances, not just one thing. Take for example the following from your essay:</p>
<p>"I want to join Penns Locust Walk, dancing and singingjust for fun"
One doesn't "join" locust walk, one merely just happens to be present in the vicinity. Saying you wanted to join it made it seem like its an exclusive club or something.</p>
<p>"Whereas other universities professors would teach me about Dr. Jeremy Siegel, Penns own Dr. Siegel would teach me about himself"
NONONO, other universities would teach you about Siegel's works. And Siegel would not teach you about himself, you wouldn't pay for a course on his life, rather Siegel would teach you about his work/research. </p>
<p>Just small things like the stuff mentioned above really killed you. Your conclusion was also a bit cliche. Sorry that I'm being harsh but I'm just trying to point out your mistakes so you wont make them again.</p>
<p>Btw, personally, I think its a bad idea to take a year off. Just get over Penn and apply to a different school. I recommend Carnegie Mellon (Tepper), thats probably the next best thing to Wharton. Good luck!</p>
<p>I don't like your Suspension essay. Wild Child was suspended AND expelled, and his essay was a lot shorter and tighter than yours. If you want to re-work it, I would be glad to help. Your violations were really minor, and I think you make yourself sound worse than you need to.
I think you made a huge mistake with your Why Penn essay. It has too much about your father and Wharton, and not enough about Penn. It is a tough essay to write effectively. I understand what you were trying to convey, but it misses.
I think a gap year could be very beneficial and allow you to mature. However, you really need to find some other schools which interest you. Penn/Wharton is going to be a long shot.</p>
<p>how on earth did your son get expelled and still get into penn?</p>
<p>yeti - recruited athlete</p>
<p>eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek</p>
<p>another quote from your essay:
[quote]
As a kid, I dreamt of one day being the richest man in the world, operating a massive oil monopoly.
[/quote]
duuuuuuuude, this sentence made me tremble. You coulda saved yourself a lot of words by just saying "I want to be John D. Rockefeller." I just stopped reading your essay after this sentence, because ethics are coming into play now... </p>
<p>replace "operating a massive oil monopoly" with something like "being able to finally aid those in poverty"... be philantrophic, I hear colleges like that :rolleyes:</p>
<p>It almost seems like you went on a bunch of websites, pulled out some random facts about people you know and molded yourself into them. You also didnt research them enough to wing it either.</p>
<p>"how on earth did your son get expelled and still get into penn?"</p>
<p>The incident didn't involve drugs, violence or academic dishonesty, and he managed to turn things around since the incident (March 2003). It actually became somewhat of a positive in the eyes of a number of admissions people he and his counselor spoke to. You would be surprised-</p>
<p>in my opinion, your standardized scores and your grades arent the problem; even though you do have B's, I don't think a college would reject you soley over that...there are some EXTREME personality concerns I would have b/f I admitted you; I read your resume from last time (the one you posted a while back) and I tried some of the website links; in my opinion, the websites were pretty bad...they weren't catchy, and they were sort of bland (broken links, a website that's online only for certain hours???) --even if your friends are managing the website (which, btw, if they are, you don't need to put a link to it since you don't have anything to do with it anymore...). Also, as someone else posted, you have WAY TOO MUCH stuff on your resume; don't tell them that it's in the order of importance--that's understood; don't tell them what the bold stuff stands for or the underlines--if they're not obvious, then don't even bother with them. Also, NEVER EVER abbreviate in a resume no matter what the award...I know atleast 4 clubs that are abbreviated NHS; for your awards, don't abbreviate them--write out what they are and what they stand for</p>
<p>something I don't understand--if you don't get into Wharton next year, you'll go to another college; why not go to another college right now and transfer/try to apply as a transfer applicant to wharton? There's no guarantee that you'll end up at Wharton, and if you show enough interest even as a transfer into Wharton, you'll probably receive the same, if not more, advantage--go to a college--you might not want to end up leaving it even for Wharton; also, no matter how much you're in love with it, your college experience is what you make it, not where you go to college; you can get a Wharton education at your community college or you can get a podunk education at Wharton (well, maybe not that extreme for wharton...); the school doesn't make the great businessman; it only helps enhance him--the great businessman is made by the person...good luck!</p>
<p>Dude, it was that email you sent. "Do professor party with students?"</p>
<p>Just kidding, of course.</p>
<p>i got rejected by the college so i wrote the dean a email saying that i wanted another chance and lo a behold yesterday i get a phone call from the university saying that they got my email but couldn't defer me. Even though i got rejected i have a great deal of respect for a university with that type of dedication</p>
<p>chanman, im so sorry...</p>
<p>in your essay, try to SHOW us, not just tell us. right now..it moves WAY to fast..try focusing on some details, not just giving us the whole schpeal.</p>
<p>i hope everything works out for you!</p>
<p>No offense Chanman, but your essay was very insincere. At times, you seem to ramble unneccesarily. There were many discrepancies (those listed above). Be direct, be concise and don't act as if the admissions committee is your friend. Your competing for a spot in the best Business school in the world. Show depth in your essay. Show, with true sincerity, that you really want to go to Wharton and that your desire for Wharton goes beyond your praise for it.</p>
<p>And regarding your resume: You're applying to a business school and you should know how to write a resume. It was very unprofessional. Try to go for more simplicity and more uniformity. And don't just bullet point your position/roles or involvement in the activities, write in depth what you did and how it changed you.</p>
<p>I apologize if I seem harsh, but if you really want to get in, you're going to have to change the way you do things.</p>
<p>In terms of the Why Penn essay:</p>
<p>You say Wharton is "Napoleon's Grand Palace; it is the best." The Adcom KNOWS Wharton is the best. They want to know why YOU think it is the best. </p>
<p>"Today, I no longer think in this direction, because I understand that it is the process that makes life specialthe thrills and continuous twists that running a business bringsthe decisions and choices that makes business an enjoyable game. After timeless research, I have come to a conclusion. Besides being the best, Wharton can give me this process that I am searching for."</p>
<p>^That had potential, but you don't explain WHY Wharton can give you what you want. What is special about Wharton other than its brand name?</p>
<p>I'm also not quite sure why you spend 2 paragraphs talking about your dad coming to the US. It's kind of irrelevant and you seem to take a LONG time to get to the point.</p>
<p>The essay needs to be more about yourself and your relationship with Penn. You're applying to a top tier university (and on top of that the #1 undergrad business school in the country) - you need to show initiative; your essay just doesn't do that. It seems like you're just applying to Wharton because your dad wants you to or it's just become something that's expected of you.</p>
<p>Not to mention, you really need to proofread better. There are some grammatical errors that need to be fixed.</p>
<p>The resume:</p>
<p>I actually don't mind the bulleting, but it is too long and it does look unprofessional. There are too many fonts. Some suggestions:
1. Keep everything the same font and bold the titles of the various activities.
2. CUT DOWN the number of activities. My resume has a total of 6 activities I participate in along with a section for summer activities. The resume should function as a supplement to the EC chart on the application - not a listing of everything you've ever done in high school.
3. I personally think it looks more professional to write the approximate dates of the activities you've participated in rather than the grades.
4. Get rid of any links that don't work.</p>
<p>The main issue is that there are too many activities in the resume. Admissions officers get skeptical if you're participating in so many things because they don';t know how committed you are. I counted eleven clubs and activities JUST in school. There simply isn;t enoguh time in the day to be committed to all of the activities you profess to take part in.
The only things I really see worth keeping are:
the Lion Dance team
Piano
Violin
Chess Club
EHS Academic
STEP (which, from what you've written, actually seems very impressive)
the Business-related stuff
the summer stuff (just so they know you've done something over the summers)</p>
<p>Put down what you're dedicated to, not just what you think looks good.</p>
<p>Hopefully I helped; if I offended you in any way, I certainly didn't mean to.</p>
<p>Honestly, I don't see Wharton material in you. I don't mean to offend you, but 1) if you're going to write a resume...at least do it right. That resume looked very unprofessional to say the least. I glanced over it and it was visually unpleasing. Look at sample resumes. If you don't want to write a resume, write a "brag sheet" that basically lists your activities and next to it the dates and a short summary of it along with your role. </p>
<p>Your essay talked too much about your dad. He isn't the one applying, you are. Too many people make this mistake. Yes, he was an influential person in your life, but keep it short. Focus more on what you have to offer the #1 business school. They know who they are, what makes them want you on their campus? What makes you different from all the other applicants? Do you watch Apprentice? Picture your essay as a boardroom meeting in front of Mr. Trump. You are accompanied by thousands of other prospective whartonites. How are you going to make your case that you should be the one they want. What qualities and accomplishments do you have that make you stand out. Go back to the drawing board and reflect on yourself. What activities have you dedicated a lot of your time to and genuinely enjoy doing. Don't write about what looks impressive...write honestly, because in the end they'll see it.</p>
<p>Applications are designed to grab a slice of your personality and life...try to portray pieces of your life on that application. Highlight your positive aspects and downplay the negative. </p>
<p>I think taking a gap year is really pointless and you seriously need to get over Wharton. Yes, its a great school, but so are many other of the top business schools and you're basically saying you won't move on until Wharton accepts you...right there shows your personality. Why would Wharton want someone like that? Yes you are dedicated, but you are going to let a rejection stop your life..bring it to a halt? Real successful people suck it up, give it 110% on their other apps from what their learned from their first failure and go to another school. There they worked their ass off to do their best. They get great internships and get recruited - look back and laugh..and you can confidently say "Hey Wharton..you missed out on me..but its okay I'll be successful without you". Your school doesn't make you successful, you do. You as an INDIVIDUAL and what opportunities you take on.</p>
<p>You say you can increase your ACT 3 points and whatnot...what makes you think Wharton will want you even with high scores? Scores don't mean ****...its if they can see a leader in you..someone that fits the Wharton profile. You'll be in the same spot a year from now and be wishing you went to a different school.</p>
<p>Enough from me. GL! Learn from your mistakes..don't dwell on them. You'll never be successful if you let one rejection halt your life.</p>
<p>
[Quote]
you seriously need to get over Wharton. Yes, its a great school, but so are many other of the top business schools and you're basically saying you won't move on until Wharton accepts you...right there shows your personality. Why would Wharton want someone like that? Yes you are dedicated, but you are going to let a rejection stop your life..bring it to a halt? Real successful people suck it up, give it 110% on their other apps from what their learned from their first failure and go to another school. There they worked their ass off to do their best. They get great internships and get recruited - look back and laugh..and you can confidently say "Hey Wharton..you missed out on me..but its okay I'll be successful without you". Your school doesn't make you successful, you do. You as an INDIVIDUAL and what opportunities you take on.
[/Quote]
</p>
<p>Some great advice that bears repeating here.</p>