<p>Well…I’m a teacher in New England. Unless your wife is a special education teacher or a high school science or math teacher, she might not be able to FIND a teaching job this year. Many school districts have been asked to keep to a 0% budget increase and this means a reduction in the number of teachers. Also, some folks who were considering retiring have deferred that decision because of the hit their retirement accounts have taken and because of the economy in general.</p>
<p>I vote for not moving. First of all…you could find yourselves moving around a LOT. What happens if your daughter doesn’t find her niche at MIT? Some students don’t. She would transfer and that might mean another move. To be honest, it sounds like she could use some independence. Did you wife PROMISE her she would move with her? Is that the reason DD was comfortable applying to a school clear across the country?</p>
<p>Our DD goes to school across the country and we do miss her, but the notion that we would temporarily move there is just nonsense (college is only four years…that’s temporary). DS was 2 1/2 hours away…we didn’t move there either.</p>
<p>Boston area is a very high cost of living area of the country…not too dissimilar from California. Especially if you intend to live within 50 miles of MIT, you are looking at mighty expensive real estate for either purchase or rent. </p>
<p>What’s the matter with the schools in CA? Why should the whole family have to move because DD wants to experience a different part of the country? I don’t see the point of this.</p>
<p>“A lot of Asian moms in my area left their husbands in their countries and came here with their children for American high school so it’s not dysfunctional.”</p>
<p>Big difference in moving to be with a minor child who is in high school than moving to be with a college student offspring.</p>
<p>I posed this question tonight at dinner. My son said that he knows we will miss him, but it is time for him to move onto another chapter. He knows that we will always love him and be there for him, and he for us. I agree with Thumper1. Do not move. Wait to see what your daughter does. What happens if MIT is not the best fit? Are you ready to keep moving until she finds that fit? </p>
<p>My sons observed this – what would a young man who is interested in your daughter say if she told him that her parents go with her everywhere? </p>
<p>You have raised a wonderful, talented, intelligent young woman. It is time to let her go and experience all the richness the world has to offer – and the world has a chance to experience what a jewel your daughter is.</p>
<p>OP- Look 25 years down the road-do you want your daughter and wife putting this same pressure on your granddaughter? Will they both be trailing after her? Your daughter is too accommodating and sensitive to your wife’s dependency on her, but she deserves the freedom of being selfish with her time, activities and yes, doing things you and your wife may not like or approve. Support not smother. You and your daughter have to be a united front to tell your wife that she cannot move East.</p>
<p>Given this economy I would not want to be the newcomer or new transfer employee in any company. I tend to think they may get the layoff axe first.</p>
<p>Of course you will just watch her get a job offer in California in 4 years and move back.</p>
<p>Hm, and what about after college? Would you follow your D wherever her job is as well? That would be tough. When I was in the consulting world (right after college), I lived on average 6 months a city. It makes no sense!</p>
<p>Thanks for all the responses; I appreciate. I had a talk with my D on way back home from work. She told me that she always knew that mom would be moving close to where ever she matriculate and she likes the idea of having a place to crash whenever she has lot of stress. When I told her about the situation of moving again once she goes to grad shcool or take up job.
Then she suggested that it might be better to move to the suburbs of NYC, as she knows that we all like NYC a lot. She mentioned she might like to work at Wall street after MIT and this will help us in the long way as if she decide to go for grad school then also she won’t go south of NJ or North of MA and NYC suburb will be close to all.
If she wants to come back to CA then we will have our present home to move back to.
That was such a good idea and since it came from her means that she really wants us to move close to her.</p>
<p>“That was such a good idea and since it came from her means that she really wants us to move close to her.”</p>
<p>It could be that she doesn’t see the point in giving her true opinion on the idea because whatever she says, Mom is still hellbent on moving to be near her. Sounds like your wife is lacking something in her personal life.</p>
<p>“Sounds like your wife is lacking something in her personal life.”</p>
<p>I agree with this. She sounds like someone who’s really living her life through and with her daughter. She needs more than her daughter to live for. Marital counseling could help. To me, it seems your enabling your wife’s behavior to be even considering moving to be with your daughter. I think if you refuse to move, it would be highly unlikely that your wife would be able to find a way to move. Where would she stay? How would she support herself in an expensive place where it would be extremely difficult for her to get a job? Your D also will be living on campus (Unless you managed to enable your D to move offcampus with your wife, which wouldn’t be fair to your daughter). Your wife would pretty much be on her own, and probably wouldn’t be able to stay out there.</p>
<p>" I had a talk with my D on way back home from work. She told me that she always knew that mom would be moving close to where ever she matriculate and she likes the idea of having a place to crash whenever she has lot of stress."</p>
<p>If this is how your daughter is feeling, then she may not be ready to move that far from home. Going away to college is a time for young people to learn to be independent. After all, at some point they won’t be able to run home to Mom and Dad because Mom and Dad will be dead.</p>
<p>A student who’s welcoming the idea of her parents picking up stakes and moving 3,000 miles to be near her while she’s in college sounds either immature emotionally or like, as someone has suggested, she’s resigned to the fact that her mother is hellbent on being with her. Neither possibility is a healthy one.</p>
<p>^It seems that D is resigned to the fact because there is history of the parents travelling to wherever their daughter is. She is already making plans for whatever the future may be after the undergraduate years based on her parent’s vision.
Someone will ultimately get emotionaly hurt down the road because eventually D will be conflicted when the times comes for romance and marriage. If that is even possible with mom and dad around.</p>
<p>How can you think that at age 17 or 18 and without experience living on the East Coast, your D can predict where she will choose to live for grad school? How could you consider making major decisions – a coast to coast move – based on your teen-age daughter’s career and academic plans including for grad school?</p>
<p>Really? a 17 has it all planned out and anyone accepts that like it will happen that way? LOL I remember my 17 year old plans uhh no I was not even close to how it played out. Really? </p>
<p>I would not have felt free to change my mind had I known my parents were along counting on those plans. Talk about feeling trapped and/or guilty.</p>
<p>For my HS graduation my dad gave me a set of luggage and said time to grow up and plant my own feet.</p>
Yes, but after doing all the research with MIT 6-3, she came to the conclusion that if she go to MIT she may not go for medical profession and may concentrate on doing a 5 year ME and then try for MBA.</p>
<p>It is true a teenager at 18 change her mind every other day. That is the reason my wife would like to be close to her so that in time of difficulty our D can come to us for advice.</p>
<p>I don’t see any thing wrong in it. I was a strong supporter of it but because of changed economy I’m having second thoughts.</p>
<p>In the earlier post, it was stated that your wife intends to stay forever within 50 miles of your daughter, so it’s not just helping her when she is going through a transition into the adulthood. </p>
<p>Truthfully, I don’t think we are talking about your daughter’s need. I think the whole thing is really YOUR WIFE’s emotional needs. She has a difficulty separating herself from your daughter, and she defines herself and her position in the world mostly through her relationship with the daughter. This is not healthy, and is a terrible burden to your daughter. If your wife’s whole agenda is genuinely for the daughter’s safety, the problem still lingers: it is over protection to the extreme degree, and it’s not healthy. </p>
<p>Sorry to be blunt, but… It seems like the mother’s emotional needs are millstone around the daughter’s neck. . So, if she wants to follow her dreams in Europe, what are the parents going to do? Tag along? If she wants to become an astronaut and stay for 6 months in the orbital station, what are the parents going to do? Surely, she must give up that dream because there is no way the mother can stay within 50 miles…</p>
<p>At the age of 17, the whole world is full of possibilities for this bright young woman. Don’t clip her wings. Let her fly and soar high. She shouldn’t have to worry about how convenient/inconvenient it is for her parents to tag along when she chooses where to go to graduate school and where to work.</p>