Do you research on marijuana and addiction, @FlyingCoffin, from credible sources if you plan on having a career in law enforcement. I think you are basing your “knowledge” on your own personal beliefs not on fact. Again, you are NOT a licensed, trained professional. It’s wrong of you to diagnose others.
“Once again, I was not going to pack up all of my stuff (I have a lot of stuff) and move to a different room, heavily inconveniencing myself for his wrongdoing” “I got tired of it.”
See, there is that selfishness I mentioned prior. Just better to get him busted, wash your hands of it, and sign into CC at an attempt to resolve your guilty feelings.
@57special,
I don’t know where you go (or went) to college, but not all schools will just let you switch rooms because you and your roommate are incompatible.
OP, morals DO matter. A lot. It’s how we all, every one of us, make our decisions. We decide every single day what the right thing to do is, according to our definition of right/wrong.
Some on here are saying “it’s illegal, but…” or “there is a legal code, but…” and then they give their opinion of what they think was the right thing to do. Those are their morals. They do not have to be yours.
You did not have to accept your roommate’s disregard for the rules (and law?). You did not have to lie or do mental/semantic gymnastics to avoid telling the RA why you wanted to switch rooms. Someone else’s bad choices are NOT your problem. Anyone suggesting otherwise is stepping all over your boundaries.
By the way, I don’t think you feel guilty about what you’ve done. I think you care about what happens to your roommate (because of your roommate’s life choices, not yours). That shows you have compassion. Compassion/empathy is not the same as guilt.
“I don’t know where you go (or went) to college, but not all schools will just let you switch rooms because you and your roommate are incompatible.”
We don’t know that and neither does the OP as he made ZERO effort to even try that approach in good faith.
Guess what? Life is not black and white, even for law enforcement professionals. Ask a few of them.
If there is no guilt and OP feels hunky dory with the decision, why post here?
It doesn’t matter how legal or common the usage is. You had the right to report it. That is not your problem. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t try to help. You gave him many notices that it was an issue for you. The RA brought the police in because it was illegal. He brought this on by his choices and actions. Just close the door behind you.
Again, it was NOT OP’s responsibility to make it OK for his roommate to continue breaking the rules (law?). He asked repeatedly for the roommate to knock it off, and roommate didn’t.
OP, why did you post here?
Laws/rules exist for a reason. Don’t like the law/rule? Change it. Until then, abide by it or society crumbles.
“Problem is, it has been bugging me because this is a potential life changer for both me and him. I just want to know if it was the right thing to do or what I could do to kind of better this process for both of us. Any thoughts?”
THIS is why the OP posted here. He may have “had the right to report it”. That is very different than whether SHOULD have done so or not, especially when other options weren’t exercised throughout the school year. Life is all about how you choose to navigate the hurdles put in front of you. Often the path that is the easiest at the time, isn’t the best one to take, for ourselves and others.
And he gave his roommate many chances. Roommate chose to persist and drew his own consequences. If you choose to do something illegal, repeatedly, you are at risk of facing consequences. The guilty party is the roommate, not the OP.
How does a society determine how individuals SHOULD behave?
Sounds like that decision would involve morals of some kind.
Frankly, OP’s just digging a deeper hole with the subsequent posts. It made more sense when the objection was your headaches and chest pains, due to the smells. (Not different than kids who change rooms when the other smokes cigarettes outside the dorm.)
You did what you did. I can see the frustration, sure. You only reported to the RA. But now beating yourself or trying to paint him as a really great kid, otherwise, suggesting you’d stand up for him in court, is an unnecessary response.
Yes, you could have tried to change rooms, exited the conflict.
Of course morals are involved in all kinds of situations. That’s why societies have moralistic codes in addition to legal codes. I guess my morals include not ratting out my roommate a week or two before school gets out for a fairly harmless offense (legal or not). My other morals would have dictated that, if I really did care so strongly that I could not live with it, that I would have made the efforts to switch roommates even if it meant a half day moving my stuff to another room. How many hours has the OP spent thinking about this before and after reporting his roommate and typing here? That time and energy could have been productively spent earlier in the year seeking out alternative roommate situations.
It’s over now, debating over whether it was right or wrong doesn’t change anything. Don’t contact him offering to help. Just move on.
Now, after the fact, making this into morals and concern for addiction seems just trying to justify, make your position seem loftier. It’s not your job to change him. If you couldn’t tolerate this, it wouldn’t have gone on so long. You would have picked up and moved away. So what’s this about? The social blowback?
“If you couldn’t tolerate this, it wouldn’t have gone on so long.”
What does this mean? So now he’s in the wrong because he DID try to deal with it without involving authorities?
OP, I hope you got the answers you were looking for.
BTW, I only brought morals into it because OP was told his morals did not matter. Then he was told how he SHOULD have behaved based on someone else’s (wait for it)…morals.
Nope, Belle. I don’t have a formed opinion on whether reporting was wrong. But I find the insistent justification curious.
My thoughts on your situation:
- None of our opinions really matter.
- The only thing that really matters are the rules on your college campus.
- Doesn't matter if your state/city or other states have legalized MJ for medical or recreational use.
- Only thing that counts is what is/is not allowed on campus and, more specifically, in the dorms.
- If possession of and use of MJ in a dorm is prohibited, then the only person that your soon-to-be-ex-roommate should be mad at is himself.
- While it was a nice idea to offer him morale support after he got caught & cited, at this point, you should consider whatever semblance of a friendship you had with him over and done with. Don't reach out to him anymore. Don't contact him.
- Roommate has already told you that he blames you for "ruining" his life.
- However, you are correct that roommate is the 1 who did all the illegal stuff, not him.
- If any MJ had been left him the room upon check out at the end of the school year (which is coming up pretty darn soon), then yes...you BOTH would have been blamed. You should also assume that he probably would have tried to even blame it on you.
- roommate was probably surprised that you waited this long to report him. I bet that because of how late it is into the school year, he figured that he could probably skate by through the rest of the school year without getting caught.
- Everybody's opinions here would be really different if, let's say, you had a long history of problems with asthma or had some other documented medical condition that was actually being worsened by the roommate's constant MJ use. Hence, I go back to my first point...none of our opinions really matter in this situation.
- You did the right thing, but where you might have started to cross the line a little bit is with any preachy sort of stuff about "it's really bad for you," "you're getting addicted," etc.
- I had a friend in college who was, legitimately, addicted to the stuff. The friend really had to work at it to stop. However, others' mileage may vary.
- If you had come here reporting that you kept catching your roommate smoking meth, heroin, or snorting cocaine and you saw him stashing the drugs in your room, you'd be getting much different feedback. Hence, I go back to point #1 because people sometimes can get very passionate about their stances on MJ use.
Two weeks can make a world of difference and change OP’s life. I have never forgotten that DEA/SWAT/ The PoPo did a drug raid in the dorm building next to mine on the first day of finals my senior year. Rumor was that an undercover officer had been involved and several students were led out in cuffs.
@Belle315 The OP asked for opinions and he’s getting them. They don’t all have to agree with what he did. Isn’t the point of asking for thoughts to get different opinions and, perhaps, be open to other courses of action that could have been taken and (wait for it)…actual opinions that might differ from your own? If that wasn’t what the OP wanted, he shouldn’t have asked. If he was only looking for pats on the back to confirm his course of action, than CC wasn’t the place to come.
@doschicos I respect your right to an opinion and can understand where you are coming from. My take is that OP could’ve handled it better, but in some cases it is just better to be safe then sorry. Where I go to school I am in a BS/MD program where you can be dismissed from the program for any drug-related offense. If I moved out after the term was over and had been cited for drug use I would be done. I probably would’ve done the same thing if I was in that position.
I am with @doschicos.
Funny thing is, I have never smoked a day in my life- no cigarettes, no pot and I don’t drink. The OP’s posts don’t sound like he was truly worried for his potential record, it sounds more to me like someone who didn’t like that his warnings on something he was morally opposed to, went unheeded.
Even though “legally” you did what was “right”, I think socially and morally you could have handled the situation much better. Unfortunately for your roommate, he will have to deal with the consequences legally and you will have to deal with yours.