“Funny thing is, I have never smoked a day in my life- no cigarettes, no pot and I don’t drink.”
Same here, actually! 
Aren’t there 2-3 more weeks left of school? You’ve lived with this for 8 months and reported him NOW?
@nowmomto3 I do care about my record, bud. What you said was one reason, but not 100% of the thing. The fact that it could potentially put me out of a job in the future worried me, regardless of how likely it was.
@Deaston Who said this happened there?
@suzyQ7 I’m not satisfied with the fact that I waited this long either. But it’s what ended up happening.
doschicos is right in the fact that I posted this looking for opinions, and I am getting a wide range of them. Overall, I am satisfied with what I did, even if it does mean gaining a few enemies. This was one of the hardest choices I have had to make in my life. Yes, I may be an ass for that choice. Also, my RD told me to just not contact him, so thanks to all of you that said the same thing.
@Belle315 to answer your question from the last page about why I posted it, it was really bugging me yesterday. Not that I talked to the RD and know that he has my back, I actually feel a lot better about what I did now, and I also looked for some suggestions from you guys. The general consensus from most people has been to not even try to talk to him, which is very good advice.
I think the part that I question is the timing. School was almost out. If you had posted this back in January or so, then I might feel differently. The odds of having an issue were much smaller than earlier in the school year.
I also know that as an adult of MANY more years than you, there were definitely other probably better ways to handle your situation. Hopefully in time you will look back and not see things so black and white. That insight and wisdom will serve you well when you are dealing with people in all walks of life in law enforcement. Best wishes!
I’m with @doschicos here. You stayed in a room with him for a whole YEAR because he was a considerate roommate and you didn’t want to risk an inconsiderate one, and then you do this? Especially when you admit you are not always so considerate. (I agree, btw)
And you care about his well- being? I don’t buy it. You acted like a friend and then you did something a friend would never do. That is a betrayal of trust. You certainly didn’t want to help him or you would have done something that was helpful, not harmful! Really, did something else happen that you have not relayed?
There were other options that you could have come up with. You could have moved out first and made him responsible for the state of the room (and whatever he had in it.) You could have swapped roommates earlier. Why should he have thought the 11th warning would be different? You wanted it your way and you used this legal premise to get it.
I am in favor of living my life so that it is consistent with my morals but also realize that my morals are not the same as other people’s. You may choose not to drink alcohol or caffeine, not to engage in premarital sex, for example, but you do not have to inpose your values on others. You could have said any number of truthful things to end your roommate arrangement. If you believe so strongly in doing the right thing, why wait? Is it because you are leaving the school? Because he didn’t listen to you and you didn’t like how that felt? (I get that. It feels lousy to feel powerless.) Now, you seem to have a strong need to be “right”. Both of you were wrong, imo. But good for you for realizing you could have done this better, and hopefully, it wasn’t just being ostracized my your hall that brought you to that realization.
Your assertion that you didn’t tell because you didn’t want to move seems to illustrate at best that you don’t understand very well how things work; your actions moved you to a temporary room which you were able to do when it made sense for you personally but not earlier when moving would have been a You cannot see this from any perspective other than your own, and honestly, that’s not a good trait, especially for someone planning to be a public servant. You’ll be the cop who is writing a ticket for the speeder whose kid is bleeding in the backseat rather than figuring out how to get them to the hospital asap. Because rules are rules! Really, life is not black and white all the time.
One of the things law enforcement officers do is keep situations from escalating. And sometimes, they assess a situation and just give a warning. Or try to help. Or prioritize. You are going to need to work on those skills if you hope to do such a job successfully or you will find yourself distrusted by your colleagues and the community you serve.
OP, use this opportunity not to convince yourself that you were right because you had rights. Turn that brutal honesty onto yourself. Why couldn’t you establish boundaries earlier? Why were you ineffective in dealing with this? Why did you do this now, with only weeks left? How do those answers inform your desire to be in law enforcement? And what do you need to change in yourself so that you can be the decent person you clearly want to be?
@nowmomto3 Thank you so much! Another reason why I waited so long is for personal safety. But that is something I’d rather not get into very fine details of for obvious reasons.
Back in my day, I would have let it slide and changed roommates if it bothered me. Either times have changed or you were being rigid and unreasonable.
Or not everyone is going to act the same as you.
This is just going around in circles. It’s pointless.
Okay everyone, this has been said enough to where I need to address it. Could I have done it earlier? Yes. Every time, I chickened out. Should I have? Probably. Did I? Obviously not. Could I have changed rooms? Yes, but that would have been a hassle as I already had a ton of stuff in my room and it just was not worth it. If you knew everything I have in my room, you’d understand why I don’t want to do that more than necessary. It may be an ahole-ish move to do it later in the school year, but he gave me no reason to not do it. I gave him a last warning on Friday night and he basically shrugged me off and told me to “chill.” While it may have not been ideal to be around this time, it was also easily avoidable by him, and he chose not to even after I promised to do what I did. I admit that I should have done it earlier.
The point here is that whether you agree with the law or not it is ILLEGAL in the OP’s location. He gave the guy many chances and the guy blew him off. He reported to the RA he did not personally report to the police. I’ve read SOOOOO many threads on CC that say try to deal with an issue on your own first…he did. If that doesn’t work, go to the RA…he did.
Now all of a sudden people are disagreeing with that message because they don’t like his particular law or this posters reasonings. Regardless, he followed the steps he was supposed to and it is ILLEGAL The room mate is 100% to blame for his own legal issues.
Would I have handled it the same way …probably not, but it is still ILLEGAL.
Many on here seem to think we can just ignore certain laws if we disagree with them. Doesn’t make it any more legal just because you disagree.
at my son’s college if the weed was found then both students are found in violation of the Honor Code. One for having the weed and the other for knowingly allowing an Honor Code violation to exist and not reporting it. The don’t buy the defense it was “his or hers not mine”. Both get punished equally. So all who think Flying Coffin should mind his/her own business. Well that’s not going to fly at some schools.
@FlyingCoffin : Speaking as a lawyer and as a father, I think you handled it properly. Feel free to ignore the sniping here.
You did the right thing. Probably should have done it after 3 warnings or so, but that is just a quibble on my part. We don’t know the rest of the story. I completely understand the fear factor. Your roommate will either learn that what he is doing is harmful to himself and potentially to others or he will move on assume the risk. Changing roommates would not have solved the root problem. Don’t buy the lie that ‘everyone’ is doing it. As the song goes, “Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time…”
As long at it happened in your room, it was your business. Luckily, they did not decide you were an accessory by covering for him the rest of the year.
You may let BO slide, or sloppy housekeeping, light or music on…etc. You don’t let crime slide. For those who think it should be legal, that is a valid opinion. Until the law gets changed it is still a crime everywhere. (FYI, just because your state may have legalized it, there are still federal statutes that make it illegal in all states)
You owe him nothing at this point. Let it go. He made his own bed.
Keep being yourself, OP. It is much more difficult to walk the narrow path, but don’t let the haters and enablers keep you down. I just hope once you are a LEO that you give me 10 warnings before I get a speeding ticket.
Speaking as a lawyer and a mother, I would have handled it differently.
I’m 100% with @doschicos
IMO you’re either bringing it because:
- You feel guilty
- You want to show off what you did
You did the right thing but sometimes the right thing is not the easy thing. What he was doing was illegal and it did effect you. You gave him a chance to change his behavior and he chose not to. This is on him and not you. You may fell like you lost a friend but I will say based on his behavior and attitude towards your feelings that he was never really a true friend to begin with.
I came here looking for opinions, not assumptions that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
@FlyingCoffin What’s your rooming situation for next year? Have you found someone to room with that will toe the line on every rule and regulation out there? Have you asked to be put int substance free housing? If not, I highly suggest you do so.
We’re just going on your comments. No assumptions other than what you yourself have stated.
“You may fell like you lost a friend but I will say based on his behavior and attitude towards your feelings that he was never really a true friend to begin with.”
And neither were you a friend to him.
Transferring & living off campus next year. I’m living in a 1-bed by myself.
And I never did really think of him as a friend, it’s just more of a I hate conflict type of thing.