<p>Interesting perspectives I never would have thought of. I am stunned that anyone would think it’s ok to expect a roommate to sleep elsewhere because they want to entertain a partner all night long. It doesn’t matter how much sleep they need or whether they might be able to crash on someone else’s sofa. I don’t think anyone should ever have to justify wanting to sleep in their own bed. </p>
<p>Also amazed that anyone thinks it’s ok to wear someone else’s clothes without asking permission. This is a common problem?</p>
<p>But that roommates would mind so much if someone sat on their bed? These rooms are pretty cramped and there aren’t that many places to sit. It would not occur to me that someone would expect a roommate’s guests to sit on the floor instead of their bed. They would bring this as a grievance to an RA?</p>
<p>What the heck? NO! If the couple need alone time during “sleep time,” then it isn’t unreasonable to expect that THEY “make other arrangements”. </p>
<p>I’m still not sure what’s going on in this room - and I’m not usually so dense. In the first post, the OP says that the bad roommate:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>but nothing about his staying the night. Later on the OP posted:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>but what’s the severe behavior under discussion here? Was it the presence of the boyfriend or was it throwing clothes on the floor or was it messing up the daughter’s stuff? All we really know is that the D is upset - not necessarily what’s causing it. </p>
<p>It may be true that the boyfriend is spending the night in this room, but as I said, * there is no evidence from the OP that this is occurring.* We don’t even know if it’s EVER occurred. </p>
<p>Last year, D2’s roommate had a long distance boyfriend. When the BF wanted to visit, the roommate informed D2. D2 told the roommate to get a hotel room or find a room in the sorority where people were away for the weekend.</p>
<p>A tad bit naïve or not but I agree with @mathyone.This expectation is never okay. If the roommate wants to entertain a guest overnight then I would expect the roommate to make arrangements to sleep elsewhere with the guest.</p>
<p>“But that roommates would mind so much if someone sat on their bed? These rooms are pretty cramped and there aren’t that many places to sit. It would not occur to me that someone would expect a roommate’s guests to sit on the floor instead of their bed. They would bring this as a grievance to an RA?”</p>
<p>One of my kids is fussy about this. I think it’s silly, but whatever. But weren’t you the one who thought it was unreasonable for a student to have an LED clock shining into the room if the roommate desired total darkness? That seems far more high maintenance than “don’t sit on my bed.” </p>
<p>^^^
I think there was a thread awhile back where either a student or parent posted complaining that a roommate’s friends had sat on the girl’s bed. I didn’t think it was a huge deal, but some here sure did. </p>
<p>People have different ideas about personal space, sharing possessions, etc. Some are really laid back about it while others are not. Two of my best friends in college were only children. It was hard for them to adapt to girls helping themselves to their stuff or invading “their” part of the room, because there had never been anyone in their homes growing up who did that. I had a little sister, so it was no big deal to me. But I can see why old habits/preferences are hard to break. </p>
<p>Okay, I see that I’m getting a lot of pushback. Maybe it is because I went to a school where it was fairly easy to get singles, and didn’t have to deal with the issue myself. But I did have roommates for my first two years, and a roommate had given me advance notice and framed it as a request rather than a demand, I don’t think I would have found it super problematic to crash on a friend’s couch a few times in the course of a year.</p>
<p>I also wouldn’t think it was that big a deal if someone sat on my bed. Maybe that’s easy for me to say because I had a top bunk when I had college roommates… But I’m also an only child, FWIW.</p>
<p>I don’t recall that my lower-bunk roommates minded all that much if someone sat on their beds. It was a very small room and there wasn’t much space. </p>
<p>I believe sitting on beds must be a problem since this housing director has been one for a long time and he said it was a problem. Since the bed and closet may be the only personal space a college kid can claim, I can see why one would get upset if others were sitting on her clean, made bed all the time. It may be the only control that student has in a time when she’s needing a little control.</p>
<p>It’s not only children who have this issue. People with siblings also have this issue IME, especially considering siblings are family whereas roommates usually start out as complete strangers. Apples and carrots. </p>
<p>Also, some people are reluctant to share possessions because they are naturally meticulous about taking care of their stuff whereas most people they’ve interacted with tend to be clumsy, careless, or otherwise act like a bull in the china shop and in the process…seriously damaged/destroyed their stuff. </p>
<p>This feeling is worse when the supposed adults such as parents, older relatives, or admins/teachers let off the ones who seriously damaged/destroyed a given individual’s possessions rather than hold them accountable…such as holding them to the “You break it, you buy it” school of thought. </p>
<p>In addition, some people may have perceived hygienic reasons for not sharing possessions or allowing someone to sit on one’s bed/chair. Back in college, I knew a few classmates who would hit the roof and scream if someone sat on their beds or MERELY TOUCHED any of their possessions. They were really obsessive about catching germs so they refused to allow anyone to borrow/use their things* or even allow others to sit on their beds. The latter wasn’t very common and were regarded as odd ducks indeed. </p>
<ul>
<li>Such as borrowing computers to briefly check email/web. Like most folks, I wouldn’t have an issue allowing anyone to get on my computer to check email/web while they and the computer are within my sight. However, some other classmates wouldn’t even consider it for fear of catching germs.<br></li>
</ul>
<p>Sitting on beds was a non-issue in my experience. People sat on beds. There often wasn’t anywhere else to sit but the floor and most students did not clean the floor regularly. Was bed-sitting a problem when you all went to school? Or is this a problem in the eyes of the current generation?</p>
<p>Picture this…Many students sit on the floor, grass or just practically any where. Why would I want someone’s dirty butt on my bed. I wash linens after someone slept in it because it is dirty, and we change out of our street clothes to PJs when we go to bed, but it is ok for someone else’s street (dirty) clothes to be on our bed?</p>
<p>Just for the record, I wasn’t suggesting that all only children have the same issues with sharing space and possessions. My two college friends who did specifically mentioned that as part of the reason they had trouble adapting to communal living.</p>
<p>I just think people are different when it comes to concern re germs. I wouldn’t think twice about drinking from the same glass as a friend, but some people would. Some people might share a dessert by cutting it in half and each person takes a piece, others might each eat off the dish (with “double dipping”). I think sitting on a bed is kind of like that. </p>